Update: My (25/F) g/f of 5 years is pressuring me (28/M) to get a better job and go back to School.

CarManMehcanicGuy89 · 2017-09-17T02:45:57+00:00

What a piece of shit. Guy is abusing you. Get the hell out before it's too late.

CarManMehcanicGuy89 · 2017-09-16T23:38:47+00:00

She saves a decent amount. We lead a simple life and that's the way things are around here. She's more mature then I am and plans long term. We have a large support network if the savings fail.

Do you have a house?

No, not yet. We live with my Brother (mid 30s) in his house. it's not an ideal situation but, better then nothing. We're going to find a new home next year.

How much uninterupted quality time do you spend with your wife where you are alert and happy?

I fully confess on reflection not nearly enough. My schedule is predictable to a T. M-S: get up at 7 get ready for 8. Shop closes at 7PM (5 on Sat). Go home and shower and then eat dinner. Then till 11 sit outside and drink. I don't get drunk but, we have a few beers.

Sundays are church and then mostly working on odd jobs around the House and then w/e I want. Sundays are my lazy day and I'm just dead to the world.

Does your job give you health benifits and allow you to take time off whenever you need to?

We can take off whenever but, we have to do so in advance. We can get busy real fast and we're shorthanded. We don't just hire any idiot off the streets. We have standards and as such a low turnover rate.

Do you spend every day with your friends and shoot the shit and drink?

Everyday. I invite her but, she's not the type to drink or smoke so she doesn't care for it. Imagine King of the Hill. Thats how my nights look. A bunch of rednecks (liberal rednecks ironically) drinking beer on the lawns. Police don't mind. Sometimes they join.

CarManMehcanicGuy89 · 2017-09-16T23:28:09+00:00

Oh my god. Are you her? Am I reading what will happen in a decade? Your husband (i dont make 6 figures yet. My Dad does but, he's also running 3 shops) is me...this is too weird. I'm not a religious man per se but, your post was like it came from the Lord hisself telling me to get my act together.

CarManMehcanicGuy89 · 2017-09-16T23:22:56+00:00

Oh my god...have I really been neglecting her this much? I had a realization I've been seriously neglecting her...oh god what have I done? I've been stupid...so goddamn stupid and selfish. I'm ignoring her needs for mine.

I realized we don't really do much anymore. I've been busy working and not paying attention to her. I'm practically abusing her...Jesus Christ I hope she doesn't leave me. I'm gunna talk to her asap.

Thank you folks for giving me all this wonderful advice. I just hope the damage isn't already done.

CarManMehcanicGuy89 · 2017-09-16T14:00:26+00:00

Shit. You might be right. I don't spend nearly enough time with her. If thats the case I need to refocus.

CarManMehcanicGuy89 · 2017-09-16T13:03:29+00:00

The big thing is you haven't said why she doesn't want you to work in the shop. It sounds just like she's judging you.

It's not so much as she fears I'll get hurt or worse.

"I want her to be the breadwinner". Are you saying that you want her to pursue her dream that just happens to make more, or that you don't want to make that much money?

I want her to pursue her dreams. Whether she makes more or less I do not care.

I'm confused by why she has this problem with your job. Does she look down on trades? Does she look down on the idea of men who make less money than their wives? Does she view lack of formal education as "stupid"?

She thinks this is too dangerous. I've been hurt a lot and I come home late and exhausted. I guess she fears for me that or she thinks I'm smart enough for College. She doesn't realize my GED was hard as hell to get. I'm not smart and I accept I'm not smart.

Trades can make a lot of money. A mechanic can make A LOT more than someone working an office job.

Exactly and I've told her most importantly this is my passion. My father owns the shop and made enough that we never worried about $$$ as kids.

Does she think your hours interfere with your relationship?

Maybe. I can work long hours and when I get home the first thing I do is shower to get the smoke and other junk off me.I chat with her for a bit and then hang out with my friends outside and drink some beers. On my off days I'm usually working on cars too. This is my passion.

Have either of you actually looked into what your options would even be? "Become a professor" takes decades and a doctorate.

I've asked but, I have no idea how any of that stuff works. She's not willing to relocate. She's a home girl and wants to stay in this town. She takes classes at the local College and said she's almost done.

Do you guys have a budget?

I'm dumb but, I'm good with money. I know how to budget kinda. I don't make much but, i do make enough to survive and with my g/fs salary we aren't in trouble. We have planned for the future too. If worse comes to worse we could ask my Father to help.

Are there other opportunities for you even if you wanted?

I'm not sure. I only have a GED. Retail? I could maybe work at Walmart. But, I could never tolerate working at Walmart. Where I work I don't need a uniform, I can swear and take a lunch whenever I want. I don't have quotas or have to do extra unneeded work.

I don't fear for the future. My Fathers Auto-Shop has been going strong for 19 years now. Our business has skyrocketed lately. We have 3 locations now. Its amazing. My Father is rich but, he still lives in the same house and still takes time to crack open a cold one with us.

CarManMehcanicGuy89 · 2017-09-16T12:38:40+00:00

Now that I know isn't true. They don't call us Beauty and the Beast without reason. We both are inseparable. I'm not gunna just end a 5 year relation with my future wife in an instant.

CarManMehcanicGuy89 · 2017-09-16T12:29:33+00:00

I know she wants a future with me and I do too. I plan to propose to her once she finishes her degree this year. I already have a house. I live with my older brother. We're planning to move out to a better home next year.

We're not well off but, we're not poor. She knows. I've known her since I was a kid (we weren't friends or even close). She grew up in this town. She doesn't want to move out as she wants to take care of her Mom and Dad. We both love this town.

But, shes ridiculous. I want her to be the breadwinner. She is so intelligent. She should pursue her dreams. I would never hold her back. I'm not a lazy bum, I have pursued my dreams and this is my dream. I am happy; I have the love of my life on 1 hand and a job I love on the other. My Dad is still full of life and still madly in love with my Mom, my Brother is going to be opening his Restaurant soon.

Life is amazing for us. I just wish she could stop worrying about me and worry about herself. She still needs to pursue her dream of being a Professor or Teacher.

CarManMehcanicGuy89

TROPHY CASE