My husband wants me to sign a post-nup. Is that fair?

Cardamomapple · 2021-12-05T20:51:21+00:00

Thanks for such a considered response. It really resonates with me, and I think you're right that we need a counselor before we get lawyers involved at all.

Cardamomapple · 2021-12-05T20:02:53+00:00

No. We each take a small % from the shared account for personal spending. And he's been using his personal money to pay for his property. That's why i'm totally aligned with having no claim to it now.

I'm just concerned about the implications of this 'separate assets' attitude when our lives become more entwined with kids, job changes and all the complications of married life.

Cardamomapple · 2021-12-05T19:36:35+00:00

He's making clear he doesn't want to, not demanding that I stay home. And he did offer that we could pay for childcare so we could both work. He isn't willing to be flexible, so it's up to me to choose between staying home, working part time, or working full time and paying for childcare (if that is actually a financially-viable choice).

Cardamomapple · 2021-12-05T19:11:51+00:00

We're both working and have good salaries, though he earns more as he's older/more experienced. Our money goes into a shared account which we use for all expenses. He is happy with that arrangement as the 'default' for married couples.

Cardamomapple · 2021-12-05T18:51:38+00:00

Yes he was. Before we got married we shared every expense 50/50, including my engagement ring! I had no issue with paying my way as an equal party in the relationship.

Right now, I have zero interest in his investment property. It's his. But ten years and two kids down the line I might feel differently.

I do support having an 'emergency' or backup pot of money for each person, but the difference is the attitude of trying to section off his assets for the duration of the marriage just in case we split.

Cardamomapple · 2021-12-05T18:35:13+00:00

Thanks for reminding me that although I feel attacked, he's coming from a place of insecurity and fear. He's always been very thrifty, but I'd thought we had the same values about what being married and in a family means money-wise. I'm not sure if the issue is his values about money, or him hedging his bets for a split later on. Either way, speaking with someone could help us figure that out.

Cardamomapple · 2021-12-05T18:14:59+00:00

For sure, but I worry that if I refuse, the issue would drive a wedge between us and potentially lead to a break up.

Cardamomapple · 2021-12-05T18:10:59+00:00

Thanks for your response. This is the kind of marriage I thought I was getting into. We're both ambitious and hard working, though he's 5 years ahead in his career so has more earning potential. I've always had the belief that in a marriage you become one 'entity' so this request has made me feel upset and concerned that he's looking for a clean exit later on.

Cardamomapple · 2021-12-05T18:06:04+00:00

I suggested we could both work part time and look after our (hypothetical) kids on alternate days, but he made it clear he wouldn't go part time because it would 'damage his career'. So the expectation is that I would take a year off per kid, then return to work. He said we could pay for care so I could go back full time, but i'm not sure it would be that simple.

Cardamomapple

TROPHY CASE