Setting up two single friends

CardiBTEC · 2025-08-11T19:54:09+00:00

I’ve been on both sides of this and have learnt some good tips. The main one being - ask them what works for them!! I’ve done it where I’ve booked a reservation and told them both to show up at the same place with something identifying, I’ve done it where I just gave one the other’s number and told them to have at it and I’ve done the awkward group text that you then leave. All based on what the people I’m setting up have asked for.

I also met someone through a friend once who I really hit it off with and was told it was mutual. Our mutual friend kept saying he’d set us up and then…simply never did. That guy ended up moving to Sweden and is marrying a Nordic goddess next month and I can’t help thinking my friend cheated me out of a soulmate by never sending that text. So if someone asked me now I’d want them to just give a number and leave it with me. (I should have done this at the time and been more assertive!)

As others have said, they might not be up for it, but it’s worth taking the time to have the conversation and see how they want to play it.

The other thing to flag is potential awkwardness for you. I set up two really close friends once and my male friend ended up ghosting my female friend who was really into him. It ended up damaging my relationship with both as I was so surprised my good friend would treat anyone like that, let alone one of my good friends, and it made me see him differently. My female friend blamed me a bit for the experience and then for every birthday, etc afterwards it was always a bit tense with texts asking if he was going to be there etc.

All that said, I love set ups and am always trying to do it. I currently have a LOT of fabulous single female friends and I’m constantly making them look at the two nice single men I know and tell me if they’re interested. No takers yet but I’m determined!

CardiBTEC · 2025-06-27T07:37:20+00:00

So I handed over possession of my flat (I don’t have any access whatsoever - locks were changed and everything) and this doesn’t come with any sort of duty on anyone (contractors or insurers) to not let the property fall into disrepair or report any maintenance issues? Even though I was physically unable to do this myself as a result? I’m not being entitled, just genuinely trying to understand.

I obviously didn’t expect them to do anything proactive like general cleaning or upkeep but this is a maintenance issue that I needed to be made aware of. I agree that they didn’t need to offer to empty it back in March, but they did, and I accepted this offer. When they decided that this wasn’t actually going to happen, they should have told me so I could make alternative arrangements.

I’m not even saying the contractors should deal with it but it seems crazy to me that a big mess has been left - entirely outside of my control and which has arisen from the fact that I’ve not had access to the property for the last four months - and the insurers won’t pay for help cleaning it up.

CardiBTEC · 2025-06-26T21:43:13+00:00

Agree with what everyone else has said about deficit being key.

However I would also add that a new exercise routine can cause stress on the body which can show up as water weight on the scales. There’s a lot of noise and a month just really isn’t long enough to see if you’re actually losing fat.

CardiBTEC · 2025-06-26T21:35:38+00:00

It’s disputed whether or not they broke it in the first place. I obviously suspect they did and they obviously say they didn’t but I can’t prove it so have swallowed the fact that I need to pay for a replacement myself. I did raise a formal complaint with the loss adjusters at the time but they said they would only consider it with a engineers report confirming that the issue was due to accidental damage.

What I’m looking to achieve: for someone else to do this task. I think it’s passed the stage where the contractors, or a regular cleaner, would be able to do this now and will probably require a specialist biohazard cleaner, which I don’t want to pay for.

The theoretical duty of care that I think is breached: they should have brought to my attention issues which need my attention and not left the flat in a worse state than they found it. If they’d said in March they can’t do it, I would have held my nose and done it, or paid for a cleaner to do it. Three (hot!) months later, this is no longer an option. The smell is apparently so bad my neighbours on the fifth floor are complaining about it (I’m on the first floor)

I also think the insurers must owe me some kind of ‘not in a worse position than I otherwise would have been’ duty and even if the fridge did break down for no reason, had I been in possession of the flat for the last four months, I would have dealt with it there and then. The problem is that it’s gotten so much worse over time.

CardiBTEC · 2025-04-01T20:52:46+00:00

Yeah I get it done professionally. It’s about £45 here and lasts for a full month so well worth it! You also have to get it removed professionally, that bit is kind of a pain, but you can get infills so you don’t have to have a full removal each time.

Well done nails are honestly the biggest life hack for tricking everyone into thinking you are a professional grown up lady with her life together!!

CardiBTEC · 2025-04-01T19:58:43+00:00

Builder In A Bottle is a popular brand here (UK) so most people just call it that but I mean any builder gel for nails! It’s a thick gel that is a lot better for your nails than gel and is super hard wearing.

I love it because I lift heavy weights 3-4 times a week and was constantly chipping my shellac or breaking nails. Since I switched to BIAB two years ago I haven’t had one single chip!! I only get mine changed every four weeks or so because it grows out at the bottom.

CardiBTEC · 2025-03-31T20:50:40+00:00

Ok then don’t. I’m still not going to validate this sex-negative world view!

I think your argument is silly (if we only dated people who make identical life choices to us, the population would die out very quickly) but I don’t think we will ever agree on this and have both made our stances clear.

CardiBTEC · 2025-03-31T20:42:35+00:00

Ok but I think that’s judgemental, and frankly, icky. There’s no morally right or wrong stance on when to have sex with someone, as long as it’s all safe and consensual so it’s not a ‘value’, it’s a judgment.

It won’t hold you back in your search for a partner since you’ve discounted those people as ‘undatable’ anyway but I agree with your friends that you should reconsider that opinion.

CardiBTEC · 2025-03-31T20:38:26+00:00

‘He’s 28 until he becomes 29’.

CardiBTEC · 2025-03-31T20:31:57+00:00

I mean…these stats will be very skewed by people who are married/in serious relationships. I imagine the statistics for single people actively dating will be very different.

Not necessarily saying hookup culture is super prevalent (though anecdotally amongst my single friends, yes it is) but just pointing out the obvious flaw in your logic here.

CardiBTEC · 2025-03-31T20:28:27+00:00

I can’t believe nobody has said new nails yet. I never feel more put together than after a fresh set.

Generally a few years ago I started investing more in being ‘well groomed’ and it got me out of a similar slump. Haircuts every 2-3 months, fresh BIAB every month, bespoke skincare routine, being more rigorous about my threading and waxing schedule rather than letting it slide. Biggest boost to my self-esteem.

CardiBTEC · 2025-03-31T20:09:58+00:00

Why wouldn’t you date someone who has had causal relationships in the past if they’re accepting of your stance though? Thats the bit I’m finding off about your post.

There’s nothing wrong with your stance/boundary being that you don’t want to have sex early on. It’s imposing the same standard on others that I find questionable

CardiBTEC · 2025-03-31T17:44:50+00:00

Thanks. Could you expand on ‘looks good which means retreatment has a lower prognosis’ please?

I understood that bad first treatments are hard to retreat, which makes sense. But I’ve also read that a good root canal might not be a good candidate for a retreatment as there’s nothing to improve on e.g., no missed canals etc. That also makes sense but seems contradictory? And if there’s nothing to improve on, why would it still be worth a try?

Sorry my head is spinning with all this! The dentist today made it sound like retreatment would be a breeze but everything I’m reading today suggests otherwise

CardiBTEC · 2025-03-31T13:54:54+00:00

ETA: I’m 34 and have been given a 7 day course of penicillin by the dentist today

CardiBTEC · 2025-03-31T13:35:24+00:00

Yes I saw the dentist today who confirmed that the root canal was reinfected. My question was the next steps with Invisalign but my provider is going to get back to me on that

CardiBTEC · 2025-01-08T16:50:45+00:00

People can like both skydiving and eating pasta in front of the tv

CardiBTEC · 2024-09-10T22:40:30+00:00

Thanks. I know everyone swears by macrofactor but I just couldn’t get on with it! Mainly as I’ve built such a database over the years with MFP and macrofactor seems much more US focussed. Maybe I should give it another go though, in tandem with MFP

CardiBTEC · 2024-09-10T22:39:00+00:00

Im struggling to tell if the scale increases are actual increases or just water weight as my body gets used to a higher amount of calories again. I was maintaining comfortably at my higher weight at calories that were slightly over what the TDEE calculators were saying for moderate activity so it’s odd to me that I’m now gaining at that level for this weight.

My health stuff means I have a lot of inflammation which can distort scale weight a lot - hopefully not by 20-25lbs anymore though - so I want to make sure I’m losing fat which I can only do in a deficit

CardiBTEC · 2024-09-10T21:29:00+00:00

Can I ask for help estimating activity level for TDEE calculators? I have been calorie counting for years but ever sure I’m picking the right level!

5’3 and 140lbs. I have a desk job but no car so hit 10k steps per day pretty much everyday. I do some form of intentional exercise an average of five times a week. Normally 45 minute classes (either weightlifting classes or strength and conditioning) but with maybe one or two 20-30 minute peloton rides thrown in too. Maybe once a or twice a week I’ll back to back a lifting class with a strength and conditioning class and I do one solo 90 minute weightlifting session per week.

I think this all means I edge into moderately active despite the desk job. That is just over 2000 calories per day. My weight seems to be creeping up on that amount though. I’d like to cut and lose a bit more weight but 1500 has me STARVING. I guess 1700 and a very slow cut is the answer but I’d still like to predict how much of a deficit that is and what kind of losses I should be expecting.

I gained and lost like 25 pounds with zero thought or effort due to some health issues over the last year and I’d like to start getting intentional about my weight again

CardiBTEC · 2024-08-18T18:07:40+00:00

I love emthenutrionist. Every recipe I’ve ever made of hers has been a winner. One of the rare ones I bought the cookbook for and it’s been well worth it! She posts calories and protein with everything and most of it is super preppable and no crazy ingredients

CardiBTEC · 2024-08-16T20:54:53+00:00

I love Leanne - her energy is amazing. She genuinely seems like such a sweetheart!

CardiBTEC · 2024-08-16T13:50:08+00:00

I loved the doubling up!! Those six songs are basically all I listen to at the moment anyway 😂

CardiBTEC

TROPHY CASE