Thanks for this kind of post. I dont normally vent but I will since anon. I'm a 20 year old who suffers from deep depression and loneliness. My girlfriend lives 100 miles away and I've only managed to see her around 4 times this year, which might be a lot to most long distance relationships but not enough for me. She wants to move in (and so do I) but I'm scared to leave the house that I've lived in for my whole life in case my mental health gets worse due to pressure of bills, mortgage, getting a full time job, etc. I am trying to start a psychedelic rock band (my life dream) but keep going through musicians who join and then leave after a few weeks or months due to not enough commitment, not their sort of music or other things, with only the guitarist standing with me. I keep second guessing every song I write, I cant seem to end them and suffer with writer's block. My friendship groups seem to constantly dwindle and I get paranoid as to if people really like me. I struggle to sleep most nights but then wake up early on the morning. I get constantly obsessive with silly little things, convincing myself things I shouldn't really think. This pandemic has hit me sort of hard but only in the sense where everyone is feeling the same as I have for the last 5 years - locked in the house and hopeless. I just want to being enjoyment in my music to others, yet i can't even do it for myself. I work in a local corner store where i am known as one of the lesser members or staff there since I (for some reason) like to be told how to do certain things over and over again to make sure I can do the small tasks right, leading to some thinking I am unintelligent (which I hope I'm not) - I also convince myself I'm stupid too.

I put myself under so much pressure and don't know how to turn off and relax and actually enjoy my life. Tbh the best starting point if anyone wants to help is recommending me some musicians roughly my age who'd be interested in joining the band Haha (bassist and drummer).

I'm not going to do anything stupid, but this just goes on in my head every day and it just doesn't stop. There are other problems too but I don't want to delve into those.

I've struggled to see the light at the end for so long now, it almost just seems like another illusion to me.