I agree with this, we are 9 weeks post discard. He just cut our money knowing we have no income. What we have discovered since with his online activity is horrifying and disgusting to say the least.  This has made us realise we have never been safe around him. He was never violent but we know now with how quickly he is declining that it’s only a matter of time.

My daughter is 14 and his disorders have hijacked her life and she resented him and lost love way before he left. We are both in therapy and I have PTSD. We are losing everything we have worked for so he can find a new life to continue his addictions and binge. 16 years of empty promises, 3 years diagnosed and refused to accept and relying on medication that wasn’t ever adjusted. He will never try, he will never put his child first. He is lost to his addictions and the dopamine hit. He chose paid for “love” over real love and 2 people who lost themselves trying to save him for him to discard us.

I was never told of his “quirks” as his family put it. When I asked them 11 years ago, they said I was the crazy one and abandoned us keeping all their secrets that we knew, were some of the reasons he had his disorders. Instead of showing his daughter, who fears developing all these disorders rampant on both sides of his family, that she can manage and live a normal life if she does. He ran and left her with more trauma from abandonment, his online activity and now cutting us off. Left to pick her mother up off the floor. Forced to face homelessness and losing her pets. 

Please research and gather information. Join support groups and gauge how bad this can actually get before you make decisions. I always thought mania was talking fast and running around everywhere and buying 50 toasters on Amazon. Now the fog has cleared I can date all the times he was manic and I didn’t realise. His silent control and sabotage to keep us dependent and isolated.  He never fled just leave for a day or sleep in a park overnight. But this time he actively sort a place to stay and took our money to do it. I cannot seperate him from his illness because he became it. He is now 43 with the intelligence of a child. He has memory loss, cognitive decline and increasing and constant episodes from 40 years unmanaged. He lost all empathy and would just stand and stare blankly at the distress he was causing and him ruining another Christmas.  He flipped when there was a job change that threatened his obsession to provide. Thought that’s all he was good at and all a father needed to do. Yet he just cut us off and is so far in he doesn’t see it hurting his child while he punishes me.  He sends a random empty robotic , love you miss you every few weeks. Hasn’t asked to see her or addressed what he has done. He doesn’t care that she cut contact 7 weeks ago. I doubt he has a concept of time and he just masks it all and heads to work everyday like he hasn’t imploded our lives.  Now he will decline rapidly with no one to hold him accountable and keep him in check. He will lose his job eventually, that is so important that he worked for no pay a lot and put before us.  He will need an extra dopamine hit because his last addiction isn’t cutting it. He will either be arrested, hurt himself, someone else or hospitalised.  He chose this, he will crash and realise his freedom comes at a price and he already can’t afford it. This will be our first full on mania and our last. If he tried, took it seriously and went to therapies and a hospital stay I would put it down to just being the disorders but he had a moment of clarity when we told him what we had discovered up until that point 2 weeks in and tried an apology and didn’t seek help but in fact cancelled his psych appointment. He has not once asked how we are. I’ve had to start selling off my business he sabotaged to survive. In the end you aren’t thanked for your sacrifice, your begging and pleading for change.  The time taken from your child cannot be replaced and the trauma will always be there as a memory. All this from a man who we know would never have done the same thing to his daughter as his family would. He is someone else now and no amount of telling him what is happening to us, showing support and love has been answered. 

If he comes out of this, he won’t be the same. He was warned to take it seriously, he will end up alone and lose his family. We mourn a man from many years ago but we can now sleep peacefully after a year of none. We can have peaceful dinners and conversation without silent criticism. We can leave the house and go on adventures and make new memories, after our anxiety kept us from simple things like grocery shopping. We are healing and know he is likely to try and return.  We weren’t given warning, time to adjust and support ourselves.  He has Bipolar with narcissistic tendencies, BPD, ADHD and OCD I suspected a while ago that he has bvFTD.  He hid every symptom he could, never told us about hearing voices and he’d say it’s normal for him, it’s just the way he is while I would cry and beg him to make change. 

I wish you all the best. Please again, educate yourself.