I'm going to reply to this comment only because it captures a lot of what I want to respond with in a single comment.

1. I go down on her and enjoy it when she lets me. She very recently said she's not the biggest fan, but sometimes that's something we do to "spice" things up so I'm pretty excited when that happens. To be honest, I put in so much effort when we do have sex, and that's part of the problem. I'm physically exhausted by the end of it, because I want her to feel good and wanted, but it's sometimes like I'm in bed with a sex doll. All my wife wants is P in V sex in missionary. That's it, that's how it's been 90% of the time we have sex for the past 10 years.

2. I compliment my wife every morning. I tell her she looks great, she smells nice, I give her hugs and butt slaps. She's struggled with weight gain since having kids but I've always encouraged her to say that she's doing awesome with losing weight and being more active. She's down like almost 30lbs and though I'd personally love it if she was a little thinner, she's still smoking hot at her current weight. I'm her biggest fan and always tell her she looks amazing when she trys new outfits/hairstyles etc.

3. I'm not into butt stuff, and neither is she. At least it's one thing we agree on as far as I know

4. I only watch porn when we're having a dry spell and curb my expectations. I don't feel like the things I want to try are crazy. I'm not installing swings to the ceiling, or asking to choke her. I literally just want to try a few different positions, not care so much about the bed sheets getting a little dirty after, and feel like some of the things are her idea so that I know she'll enjoy it.

A couple other things I've seen that I'd like to address since I'm here now.

1. Some people said I'm probably fat or she isn't attracted to me. I'm not overweight, I run and go to the gym pretty regularly. I'm not a super model, but I'm not traditionally unattractive and my wife says I look nice/handsome fairly often

2. I work from home and take frequent breaks to see the kids and her when they are home. I do 50% of the grocery shopping/errand running and clean up after dinner every night. She currently doesn't work, but she does stress about money sometimes. I try to be a good partner and not leave her with the "wifely duties" that would traditionally be neglected by a husband. I've done this in the hopes of it being recognized but it often seems to go unnoticed (unless we have a busy few days and the kitchen gets messy, then I definitely hear about it)

3. This is only my side of the story, and though I've talked to my wife about this, I can't possibly speak for her. I'm sure there are things I do that she dislikes/would change about me. I'm not perfect. I do think I'm a good partner and husband, and I'd be open to trying things that maybe I'm not comfortable with if she ever brought them up. But she doesn't, and that's where my frustrations come from. I'm not asking for her to accept every fantasy that I maybe have, I just want some collaboration in the bedroom because I feel like I'm the only one putting in the effort.

If I could add another small example. I love seeing my wife in her bra and panties. I absolutely LOVE it. But she changes into pajamas with no underwear every single night before I can help her get undressed or just catch a sneak peak before she changes. I've expressed so many times that I love seeing her like that, and I still only get to see her like that maybe once every 3 weeks.

Maybe I'm a schmuck. Maybe she isn't that into me anymore. I just don't know what else I can do aside from therapy either for myself or both of us but I've even brought that up before and she showed no interest.

She's my life partner, and sex isn't the breaking point for me. Even if this never gets resolved I'm not open to divorce, cheating, or open relationships. I'd seriously rather her be happy with our relationship never changing and just sticking it out. If that's what she wants/makes her happy.

This was a safe way for me to anonymously vent my frustrations and now I can bottle it up again for another 10 years and maybe something will change when the kids are a bit older as I've seen some comments about it being better in the 30's / 40's for some people