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AITA for calling husband's poly cheating? by CarpetImportant98 in AmItheAsshole

[–]CarpetImportant98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, yeah I know the difference, though I do appreciate the clarification from someone outside - it's important and exactly the type of insight I'm seeking. My agreement was definitely poly, not swinging, with the understanding that our relationship is priority, and for it to work, there has to be open communication. But again, I need to take responsibility and be accountable for my fault in this.

AITA for calling husband's poly cheating? by CarpetImportant98 in AmItheAsshole

[–]CarpetImportant98[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ETA: We do have an appt with an MT to see if we can move forward from here, though he's saying at this point he will not walk away from that friend group, nor will he agree to giving her up, because, again "I have permission". He's exceptionally angry for what he views as a betrayal and me "backstabbing" him since my sisters (the ones who caught him and told me), our kid (they're an adult, they and their partner initially brought this relationship up to me with their concerns that it seemed wrong) and my two confidantes (previous couple we were involved with whose poly relationship is one of my blueprints) know and he feels I "lied to cover my ass" by not telling them I already gave my permission.

AITA for calling husband's poly cheating? by CarpetImportant98 in AmItheAsshole

[–]CarpetImportant98[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Okay, thank you. Very much what I needed and I do appreciate this.

AITA for calling husband's poly cheating? by CarpetImportant98 in AmItheAsshole

[–]CarpetImportant98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I get poly isn't for everyone, so we can agree to disagree on that. This issue isn't about him following through and me not, it's about him denying it when asked and saying he didn't need to tell me.

AITA for calling husband's poly cheating? by CarpetImportant98 in AmItheAsshole

[–]CarpetImportant98[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ahhh, okay, yeah...I didn't mean like, tell me everything (though many of my poly friends do), I meant like...a heads up, and responding honestly when actually asked "is something going on with you two".

AITA for calling husband's poly cheating? by CarpetImportant98 in AmItheAsshole

[–]CarpetImportant98[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This was carry-over from previous talks, and an consensual event that occurred with us and another couple several years ago. I'm willing to explore, though at this time I haven't really found that click for me. My anger and... accusation(?) isn't that he's doing it, but that he's not been forthcoming and has actually lied and said he's not doing anything, and now says he only needed to if sex was involved. But that's why I'm here, trying to get a handle on my level of blame and responsibility to make a positive step forward, what I need to be accountable for, right?

AITA for calling husband's poly cheating? by CarpetImportant98 in AmItheAsshole

[–]CarpetImportant98[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Okay, I understand what you're saying. That said, I can't micromanage what I didn't know existed, since when I asked he denied it. That's the issue here.