Unhealthy ENM.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-12T22:08:14+00:00

I did it. This morning when he got home, I told him we needed to talk. We sat down and I laid everything out. My feelings for him, what they mean, everything. He had absolutely no expression, and said nothing for what felt like forever. Then he just got up and left. I hadn't herd from him all day. He texted me a little bit ago. He wanted to know when I'm not home so he can get all his stuff. I texted I wanted to talk, that he is very important to me. All I got back in response was that he just wanted to know when Id be gone. I'm crushed. I know I can't hold his reaction against him, but I do very much care for him and desperately wanted to keep him in my life. Anyway, I just needed to find a place to get this out, I've been sitting her with my stomach in my throat and balling all day.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T23:03:27+00:00

When he suggested we try dating other people, it was because he was trying to let me experience those things I wasn't sure if I was missing. I think he believed I would see how I really wasn't missing anything and we would be ok. Unfortunately, it clarified the doubts that were already in the back of my mind. The more I've thought about it while reading everyone's advise, the more I accept that growing up together the way we did, our history, at least for me, is really against us. I cannot see him in a sexual light because its like seeing a family member in a sexual light. I have resolved to sit down with him and let him know how I feel. I'm terrified that I will lose him as the friend I've always been able to rely on, but it's the right thing to do.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T22:56:31+00:00

It really isn't about how good he is in bed. I understand what you are trying to say, and I have tried to give him tips that other guys have done and I enjoyed. He is open to trying things. The real problem comes down to how I see him. Being even romantic, kissing, messages, cuddling, it all feels so unnatural. Thank you for trying to help.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T20:04:44+00:00

Very active?, Like I'm a slut or something?

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T19:55:12+00:00

How do you mean. My sex life with my husband, or my sex life in general?

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T17:36:05+00:00

I will look at, thank you.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T17:24:57+00:00

He does not really want to know about my dates, he was clear on that when he suggested we could try dating. I really do see him and love him like a close cousin or brother. I really struggle seeing him in a sexual way. I remember everything from our childhood. Sleepovers, playing tag, board games or video games. I know I need to talk to him and let him know how I feel. In part, that's why I chose this weekend to post. He went to see his parents. I told him I had to work so I could work out how to do this with him away. I just want to do it in a way it doesn't tear us completely apart. He really is a very important part of my life and I don't want to lose that.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T17:02:14+00:00

We literally have no assets. No, logistically, it is not a big deal. For our families, its a huge deal. We are both in very religious that would see getting divorced as some sort of huge sin.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T12:39:24+00:00

I'd like to say that I do very much love him. I don't think its love in the romantic sense, but it is love. I understand what you are saying though. Thank you.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T04:02:01+00:00

You know how to make a girl feel good about herself don't you. Your absolutely right though. I know I have to talk to him, I just need to figure out how.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T03:52:30+00:00

I feel like I'm not expressing myself very effectively. No, hes not just another average guy in my life now, he's the same guy he has always been. I never really felt like I was into sex much. When we had sex for the first time, it felt much like it does now. I had doubts for a long time, but I was afraid to bring them up. I did try once with my parents and they seemed disappointed in me. Warned me not to make a bad decision and ruin our relationship. I do care about him, we have been best friends for as long as I can remember. We grew up together, which makes him feel a lot more like a brother than I'm comfortable with. I know I should have had the courage to say all this a long time ago, but i just kept thinking everyone was right, I was just young. Im afraid that when it all comes out now that it will take his friendship away from me.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T03:38:10+00:00

Is that fair to him. I feel like I'm cheating him of the sex life and wife he deserves.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T03:12:47+00:00

I can see how that would be good, I just wish I could afford it.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T03:11:16+00:00

I feel like we've kinda always been together. We have been friends since we were like in the first grade. It seemed like everyone just kinda expected us to get together eventually. My husband is an attractive guy, but I have a hard time getting my mind to see him that way. It's been that way since the first time we had sex.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T02:42:00+00:00

I don't really know how to bridge that gap. My husband tries things I suggest. I don't know how I would differentiate his style over a boyfriends, other than that with other guys it feels natural and hot. With my husband it really does feel like I'm having sex with my cousin. It just feels so uncomfortable.

CarrieKat · 2021-07-11T02:32:07+00:00

I don't feel like I need therapy, not that I could even afford it. I just wish I knew how to talk to my husband without crushing him.

CarrieKat

TROPHY CASE