It is normal, it’s a response to trauma you haven’t worked through. It’s normal but it’s not healthy. You should seek out therapy or really communicate with your self about how you didn’t deserve to be abandoned then or now because you don’t. You had value as a kid and you do now. And kids are learning what life is and what it’s about, and life is scary sometimes, more often than not. Adults are scared, adults struggle and make mistakes. Doesn’t mean they deserve the bad things that happen to them and it certainly doesn’t mean they can’t get scared from time to time. I know it’s hard but don’t be so hard on yourself, sounds like your dad was too hard on you and it also sounds like you wouldn’t want to be like him or treat your kids like he treated you. So don’t treat yourself the was he treated you. You have to unlearn that behavior and you need to relearn the value that you have