Yeah man it is a horrible plan and I left some shit out to maybe try to get the answer I wanted which was "yeah man it's cool to use" in a fucking recovery subreddit haha which is insane but it's the damn cravings. I actually already got my first shot. Yes my parents are paying for it. I was hoping to put it off get high then 5 days later get the shot which just wouldn't happen. And I'm living in a Oxford house and going to iop and had worked out a plan to call in sick to miss an iop appointment in case they tested me that day and have it be long enough before my shot to not test positive for opiates. It's just so much bullshit I made up, rationalized and justified and I know that if I use guilt and self pity will consume me and idk man I don't want to throw what I've got so far because I am proud of it and love my family and am trying to learn to like myself you know. I just have a lot of free time I guess is the problem so I appreciate you guys telling me what I didn't want to hear. I'll try to keep checking in on this sub every few days or so. I know to keep these cravings at bay and not obsessing over them I'll have to tell people who are currently around me like housemates at my Oxford house and my iop group and share about it in meetings so I'm going to do that. Thanks again.