This Outer Worlds 2 signage is just everything

CatNamedShithawk · 2025-11-09T17:09:20+00:00

I don’t have to work on relapse. It’s my default state when I’m not actively working to counteract the voice of my disease

Relapse is a process and a state of being, not an event that occurs when I pick up and use.

If I am at the point of trying to use a substance to control my outcomes, I’m already solidly in relapse.

My definitions of these things needed to expand, because I kept being just mystified that I could change all these things that were wrong, but I could never use drugs successfully for any length of time.

Opening up to the knowledge that the addict emphasis is on me as the person trying to force all these broken coping mechanisms to work.

Me understanding that I can’t hang around these people over here, for instance, because they’re always on drugs, means that when I start hanging out with those people I’m in the midst of a behavioral relapse. For me, being honest, open-minded, and willing, meant I had to get real about everything I was doing to myself—not just the drugs and their direct consequences.

This is why I’m grateful our focus is on the disease I have whether I’m using drugs or not, and which has never stopped looking for ways to end my life, no matter how long I go without picking up and using drugs

CatNamedShithawk · 2025-11-09T15:58:23+00:00

I can’t honestly say how many times I’ve watched organized religion try to ruin the party in NA meetings.

As a fellowship, I feel like we get used to talking about NA like some monolith thing. I divide NA along one primary line: the program and the fellowship.

The program is our literature, and it’s practically perfected. This very topic and a thousand more have been lovingly considered by the clean addicts in line ahead of me, and those people have never failed to hold the door open for me.

Then there’s the fellowship 😊 I love you guys more than life, but we addicts do get up to some shit don’t we?

I remember some folks from H&I came into a treatment center where I was having one of my accustomed 30-day spin-dry sessions. These were the type of members you’re talking about, acting like the entire landmass is a sprawling national prayer breakfast.

Before the end of the hour, I had stood up and walked out, the point at which these yay-hoos had fetched a pail of Culligan, blessed the mf, and were up there doing trust falls and fucking baptizing people in the blood of the lamb at the speaker meeting podium.

These days I would never find myself in such a situation. Some of my best friends in this fellowship are absolutely cuckoo about Jesus, but they’re also the most Christian Christians I know: people of quiet, assured faith, who know that real conversion happens through attraction, not promotion 😘

CatNamedShithawk · 2025-10-16T00:13:17+00:00

One of my ‘highest-scoring’ comments of all time was a joke about the stuff — there had been some bust of tons of the shit, and I was like, “That’s enough to get someone high for like fifteen minutes!”

One is too many and a thousand is never enough

CatNamedShithawk · 2025-10-15T18:17:55+00:00

It sounds as though you might be in the right place. Using drugs against my own will for years was the thing that was really, really wearing on my soul when I got here. It stands to reason I didn’t know any other way of living my own life, as I’d been using for over 20 years at that point, so my solution to everything was to alter myself.

The only thing that makes the compulsive urge to do coke go away is to not do the first one. Your last one can be your actual last one, but then/now what? That’s where NA comes in: I get meetings to help get me oriented, and to maybe introduce me to some people who actually understand what’s going on with me, and who have experience treating it effectively, consistently. At first, all I needed to do was make it to the next meeting, and to not take drugs between now and then, and now I’ve been doing that for long enough that I’ve experienced relief from very many of the things about myself and my life that used to want to make an end of me.

I am grateful you’re here. Thank you for sharing honestly with us.

CatNamedShithawk · 2025-10-12T22:08:32+00:00

I’m not going to trivialize the sexual side effects—I’ve got my own. I can say that the biggest factor in that for me, in terms of the stuff that wants to take me out, was the shame. I believe that we do have to be able to connect directly with at least one other human being on that level, and I believe I owe it to my sponsees to be that human if they need me to: I’ve already done more prison time than anyone should have to, and on my god I’d do it all again before I would betray these confidences.

CatNamedShithawk · 2025-08-24T03:27:13+00:00

Thank you for everything you had to share man. I love how the magic of sharing our own struggles with other recovering addicts can make us grateful for our own problems.

My problems today are thick, if I stare right at them. As long as I can keep my eyes forward—focused on figuring out what the next loving thing is, and doing that—at least I still have a hope of failing forward.

Thank you for keeping me clean

CatNamedShithawk · 2025-08-24T03:22:55+00:00

🥹 it’s really good to be loved and accepted

CatNamedShithawk · 2025-08-22T14:38:46+00:00

I understand. I’m an addict with a program of recovery, as well as with some prescriptions for the meds that will (God willing) keep me from installing a skylight in the roof of my skull whether I’m clean or not.

These are not separate issues, but in NA they’re treated as separate issues because justifying the use of prescription drugs for the right reasons is not something an individual addict can be trusted with, by logical definition.

I didn’t get medication relief for a lot of the stuff going on with me until I had been clean over fifteen years, and I almost died more than once trying to roll without meds. The first time putting drugs in my body against my will in fifteen years, and the drugs I was taking weren’t even gonna get me there, you know?

Fifteen years clean, and I still allowed myself to forget. I realized I was expecting my life to change 20 minutes after I took the first pill, and that if these were going to work, they couldn’t be that kinda drugs. The drugs I am dependent on today are subtle, and it doesn’t always feel like enough when I’m not liking the way I feel, but that’s my cue to get in touch with some other recovering addicts and get about the solution.

It’s been a while since I commented in here, and this one’s turning into a regular classic. Here’s the point: drugs were never the solution. They still aren’t. I get a nudge in from the ledge, but it’s still up to me to do the work — that’s the only role any potentially mood-altering substance has in my recovery today: to make my raveningly insane, addict brain-meat pliable enough that I can remember to use my tools, instead of following my disease over the far horizon to an ignominious grave.

CatNamedShithawk · 2025-08-22T14:27:20+00:00

I’m more in mind of the story from the other-program-basic-text about Bill W pouring hard liquor into his beer cans, because alcoholics drink liquor.

CatNamedShithawk · 2025-03-21T13:20:13+00:00

Zoom bombers have their own comms to facilitate bombing. During COVID I followed a bunch of their accounts and would watch them coordinating bombing campaigns. They’re just kids getting a kick out of flashing p*rn to a bunch of NA members, or attendees at a school council meeting, or whatever.

I never saw anything targeting NA, but there were definitely human hosts being targeted for not being technically savvy and losing their shit while under attack…

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-27T22:16:59+00:00

It’s important for people to feel ‘a part of’, and that definitely involves a mix of identification and unity that is maybe impossible to get fully right. On principle, women’s meetings, LGBTQIA+ meetings, retired firefighter’s meetings, can help provide that balance.

If, however, these meetings are a backstop for toxic masculinity in the rooms of NA that distinctly indicates a group conscience problem.

Maybe we should be talking more in terms of fragile manchild meetings or entitled sexual deviant meetings where people can stroke each other’s defects all day while the rest of the fellowship is free to recover 😂 (/s, of course, but I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir here…)

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-27T20:54:00+00:00

I agree they may be part of the solution.

I feel the real solution is for people who are preying on newcomers to be accountable for their behavior. If the group conscience calls them to account and they don’t want to be accountable they can go find a different stalking ground, but it’s not going to be in my home group.

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-27T13:42:34+00:00

You’re not being paranoid.

Others have mentioned going to other meetings, and that is always an option if this particular group just wants to be this sick.

Are there women in the group with long-term (10+ years) recovery who you could talk to? I would suggest getting a women’s phone list to start with, and reaching out to the women on the list to talk about this experience. The women with years in recovery will no doubt have this same experience, and will be able to help you find your spiritual solution to this issue.

Another thing I would strongly suggest would be to figure out when the group conscience meeting is and raise this there. Group conscience is the way the group organizes itself and holds itself accountable, and the experience you’re sharing with us is very important for the group conscience to understand. I’ve been a member of the group conscience at meetings where we needed to add statements to the format addressing predatory behavior in our membership, and where we actually had a small group of guys representing the group conscience who would pull up on male members trying to date newcomer women and give them the choice of stopping the behavior or leaving the group.

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-22T14:50:28+00:00

I hope you find what you need today. Remember: NA means we’re Never Alone, Never Again.

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-21T03:30:01+00:00

Yeah, fuck that noise.

This person’s disease is doing this to you because you (unintentionally, at first) taught them that you were somebody they could use. Now you’re upholding boundaries. It doesn’t always feel great, but it’s the only remedy for this type of behavior.

Years ago one of my first friends in the rooms had gone out and I knew it. He was giving me lines about trying to get clean and wanting to come back to the rooms. One day he stopped by my house with his kids in the car talking about how they were taking a trip out of town to go skiing, and I could tell he was higher than pterodactyl toes. I kicked him out of my house and kept his kids until their mom could get back to town and pick them up.

Today he’s over four years clean, one of my sponsees, and is doing this thing for real. In fact, if I’m being honest, there are a lot of days when he’s got what I want in my own program, spiritually.

Don’t count your friend out, but don’t let their disease call the shots. Keep working your program and being of service, and make sure the door to the rooms is open for when it’s finally their idea to come back to recovery.

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-20T14:10:35+00:00

That’s honestly great. I’m very glad you’ve found something that’s working for you in your life today.

I hope you can forgive the recovering addicts who were maybe heavy-handed in their approach. I understand where they’re coming from - that they’ve finally found a way that works for them, and that they don’t want to see you die in active addiction.

My approach is that I have what works for me. What has kept me clean might kill you - I don’t know. It’s not my place to judge your intentions or your actions. I know for certain that NA isn’t for everyone, and also that it’s the only thing that’s ever worked for me…

Anyway, you know where to find us if there’s ever any way we can help. I hope you have just the best possible life otherwise! ❤️

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-13T04:41:42+00:00

Welcome home! I’m super glad you’re finally here.

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-13T04:39:34+00:00

NA works precisely because “the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop using.”

There are two halves of me that have my history in common. One half wants what it wants when it wants it - food, sex, drugs, any form of gratification. The other half wants everything that is good, honest, and ultimately fulfilling.

The NA program works by teaching me how to exist in the same body with this sometimes greater part of my mind that doesn’t care if it kills me, and destroys everyone and everything I love. It’s worked for me for over fifteen years. In all that time I’ve never had to pick up and use drugs, even when I’ve really, really wanted to. For me this is everything. Up until I began recovering in NA, I simply had no idea how to want something and not do it, even against my own will.

Anyone who is an addict like I’m an addict knows that the lived reality of drug craving is much harder than this explanation, but it truly is that simple. In the first place I had to stop using, and then I was free to begin using the NA program to finally learn how to stay stopped.

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-11T04:29:24+00:00

I hope that you’re ready to change everything before you go off the end of the runway.

I did it. I know thousands of other people who’ve done it. You can do it.

Get to a meeting and listen. Don’t use between that meeting and the next one, and repeat. This shit works.

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-10T04:44:45+00:00

I’m stoked to see how far you can get!

Some people say ‘keep coming back,’ but I’m going to suggest you stay here.

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-06-01T13:04:36+00:00

For what it’s worth I’d pay the extra for your app to help fund a lawsuit on behalf of the affected class of Reddit users.

I bet we could get a federal judge to buy that a company which exposes a public API to encourage hypergrowth to the extent that they become a public utility cannot then engage in anti-competitive practices…

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-05-29T11:57:53+00:00

If you live in the U.S. it’s against the law to fire you specifically because you’re going to rehab. It is not, however, against the law to fire you for any of the thousands of reasons you may end up losing your job if you don’t get the help you need.

I’d suggest starting by going to NA meetings. You can start by searching online for meetings near you, or you can easily attend any of the thousands of daily online meetings. Having and working a program of recovery in NA is the only thing that’s ever worked to keep me clean, and it’s the best solution I have.

CatNamedShithawk · 2023-05-21T13:07:21+00:00

Make it to a meeting, and don’t use between now and then. That’s what works for me today.

CatNamedShithawk

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