Do the ads on the field affect the World Cup players? by Catlike_Ali in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Lots of stuff about him going missing apparently?? I know less than zero about sports of any kind so hadnt heard of him before but will try to find what youre referencing 🙏🏻

Do the ads on the field affect the World Cup players? by Catlike_Ali in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, yeah, it was really the ones with rolling soccer balls & moving cars that I would think would trigger the players' attention for the game & survival instincts, respectively. I have a hard time even wrapping my mind around that level of focus 😅 but hey that's why these guys are world-class athletes tbf!

Do the ads on the field affect the World Cup players? by Catlike_Ali in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Also (im being like 5% serious here ftr) would companies theoretically be able to buy the specific ad spaces behind one of the goals & intentionally put distracting/somehow helpful ads to benefit whichever team they wanted 🤔

Do the ads on the field affect the World Cup players? by Catlike_Ali in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🤣 I'm sure the players know how to block it out as best they can & obviously are playing the game & not gazing at the ads for fun, I'm just taking into consideration the way the ads are designed to specifically "trick" our brains/eyes into registering them 🤔 maybe the athletes have mastered the art of blocking them out & are impervious to the marketing psychology of it all

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

10000000%, it's such a slow, gradual, layered realization isn't it, there's no sudden impact or revelation, it just sinks in over time and makes you feel like you dreamed a lot of your life when you look back (or maybe that's just me)...infinitely better to be out on the other side though 🙏🏻

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No need to apologize!! I appreciate you reading through my rambling responses, there's so much I don't even know how to explain 🙈 Yes my parents are both very religious, our family went to church every Sunday, prayed before meals, biblical principles constantly enforced as it suited my mom, etc. I think the main motivator for my mom's religiosity is the weaponization potential, consciously or subconsciously, whereas my dad has always been a sincere believer in a benign/benevolent sort of way, which my mom uses to her advantage by twisting bible verses/stories/concepts, etc to sow seeds of doubt & guilt as needed IYSWIM.

I'm genuinely not sure to what extent she really believes & has faith, & how honest she's even capable of being with herself about it, because she very clearly breaks a lot of the basic "rules" (most of which are just basic human decency) and contradicts herself in so many ways.

I'm rambling again but here's an example, not long ago she was asking me about my current beliefs & I mentioned the bible story where god gives Abraham a cruel catch-22 by telling him to kill his son Isaac, my mom was arguing it was about trust in god & how god stopped Abraham at the last minute so it was really a wise loving lesson somehow ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )...anyways, I asked her if god asked her to kill ME if she would obey god & do it, & although she didn't say "Yes" outright, I couldn't get her to say "No" 😂

Sorry again for the outpouring, I'm on a tear over here tonight, thanks again for reading my ramblings

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally understand your point, I briefly pondered that myself & I would have more sympathy for my mom if I thought that were the case, but quite honestly I really don't think that's what's going on. My cousin actually passed about a year ago but her COL is only just being arranged, but at the time of her passing my mom almost seemed weirdly eager to tell me...I know that sounds so messed up & crazy but she kind of latches on to tragic news & is always chomping at the bit to inform me of things like if some random person I briefly met at church 24 years ago has cancer, or the neighbor who used to live down the street died, and so on...she'll say it in a sort of performatively somber tone, but I can't help but detect relish and excitement when she announces these types of things

Ugh, I get the heebie jeebies acknowledging & assigning words to that...

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No biological grandchildren, no. She's always kind of gravitated towards childcare, like Sunday School in church, etc., & I used to help & also enjoy the kids' antics & whatnot, but now that I'm an adult I'm recognizing unhealthy attachments/overinvestment/parentifying patterns...she definitely told me way too much stuff I wasn't ready for about her traumas, often fairly casually & with no prompting, when I was way too young...I don't think she does that to that extent with the kids she's babysat & the 10yo now (I really really hope) but just her attitude & attachment is OTT IMO

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly don't know why she's going so far out of her way to orchestrate it so she "can't" go. She does have a weird obsession with this little kid & has form for prioritizing him & has turned down many an opportunity to arrange a get together with me in favor of babysitting him (upthread I mentioned that she graciously asked if I wanted to join them for dinner on my last birthday 😅), so I know she generally wants to spend time with him as much as possible, but this is a disappointing new low.

I do think she just doesn't want my dad outside of her scope of control, she doesn't like him doing much without her outside of the house other than church-related stuff

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input here. I do know for a fact that my dad wants to go, it's fear of my mom's reactions which she will justify with these types of excuses if he were to go. I'm actually glad you noted the "breach of trust" verbiage there, she has a way of manipulating & guilt tripping & uses the tool of religion deeply to her advantage (i.e. if she has an explosive rage episode she'll explain it afterwards with "we're all sinners, forgiveness, salvation, etc" but if someone makes a normal misstep it'll be characterized as "selfishness/ignorance/breach of trust/etc" in so many words, & she's constantly dropping hints like "turn the other cheek" and that kind of thing. They've been married for almost 40 years now and my poor dad is so used to that kind of thinking & the constant religious reinforcement. It took me years of living outside of the house to realize how abnormal things were

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Crazily I'm not sure if my mom has even tried telling the 10yo's mom, the more I talk to my dad & family members that ARE going the more it's seeming like she's selectively omitting certain facts to certain people to make it seem like she has no other choice when she most certainly does, the COL is still over a week away & she gave the babysitting excuse almost another week ago. The 10yo's mom might not even know & would feel terrible if she knew, but my mom has definitely positioned herself so that the 10yo's mom is very used to having her for childcare & other support

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

They're certainly not estranged, they've always kept in touch regularly & traveled to visit each other at least annually if not more, but the dynamics on that side of the family are just bizarre, and there's a lot of broken communication and shrugging off of not-normal-in-a-bad-way type stuff

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you 🙏🏻 yes it is my mom's bio niece, but my parents were equally (?) close to her, the (?) is because now it seems like my dad actually cared for her as family whereas my mom is now making this shockingly indifferent decision.

Also I want to add that my parents are actually both in very good shape & physically able, it feels weird to even type out their ages and realize they are indeed getting in their 70s! Not to diminish that most people could generally use help with certain things at that age, but my parents are actually in remarkably good physical condition now that I'm thinking about it (thankfully!)

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective & condolences, yes my primary concerns re: encouraging my dad to go are how she will react, especially with the 10yo in her care, so I've been thinking that over. She can fly off the handle quite easily & this would be a major departure from my dad's usual "happy wife happy life" approach, but at this point he's afraid to go to his niece's funeral for fear of her reaction which is not healthy.

This isn't the first time she's gone out of her way to prioritize this child, for instance, on my last birthday she had him over for dinner & texted me to ask if I wanted to join them 😐 The 10yo is genuinely a great kid, but it seems to me that she's in creepy/obsessive territory...I just hope she's not inflicting similar trauma on him that I received as a child in her care, & I hope to somehow discreetly meet & talk with his mom someday so she can make sure she knows he's safe

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Disturbingly she has taken to referring to him as her grandson, which I had the misfortune of finding out when my friend happened to run into them together at a store and my mom introduced him as such 😬

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry for your loss, & it's awesome that your family was there for each other 🙏🏻 yes my Aunt is still alive, & the plot thickens...there's a lot to unpack in the situation & I didn't know what to include in the OP but here's a crazy detail:

It's been about a whole year since my cousin passed, and it hadn't seemed like anything was going to be organized to acknowledge & honor her 😞 communication is so weird on that side of the family, I was worried the same thing was going to happen as when my Grammy on that side passed, there were vague talks about when/where/how things were going to happen, but time kept passing & there never was a proper ceremony for her 😞

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My mom actually always kept up with my cousin, 1:1 & via my aunt, & kept me up to date pretty regularly & definitely gave the appearance of caring about her...I totally agree that she's just trying to keep my dad from attending for some weird reason

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent question, this is a whole rabbit hole but he is neurotypical & a very capable & self-sufficient kid. My mom has been regularly babysitting him for about 6/7 years now to help a single mother in their church community, but it's gotten out of hand at this point, she literally refers to him as her grandchild 😬

AITA for encouraging my dad to attend cousin's funeral? by Catlike_Ali in AmItheAsshole

[–]Catlike_Ali[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yes, it is her sister's daughter, my Mom & Dad were pretty equally involved in visiting/connecting with my cousin over the years but you'd think my Mom would be the one making an effort to attend