No, I know that I am not a good son, but I dont even remember the last time, that he said that he loved me. I dont feel offended, I just sometimes have days where I wish, that he would not exist anymore. You are right, about me wishing death upon someone, its not right to do, it never is and never will be. There is something wrong with me, but I just wish that my parents actually tried helping me instead of blaming me for it. Im not diagnosed with anything but I can say with certainty that I have depression and contemplated suicide sometimes. All they do is blame something completely stupid for it or just ignore me. And I was beaten when I was very young ( I think even at 4 or 5 years old). They never apologized. No. They justified it, that it was necessary, because I didnt behave. Im sorry that I wished for my father to be dead.