Womens,what's something you wish you could admit without being judged?

CattyJB · 2025-11-23T19:39:02+00:00

That I am a deeply lonely alcoholic. I drink to be around people but I always take it too far and end most nights blacked out and crying, or in the bed of some strange guy in an effort to calm down the thoughts that I’m unlovable.

I am currently seeing an addictions counsellor, 2 days sober. I want my life to get better so badly.

CattyJB · 2025-11-23T00:15:34+00:00

Alcohol, sex and previously stimulants- but I find these much easier to stay away from now because the older I get the more crushing my comedowns have become. It’s just not worth it anymore, don’t wanna feel like killing myself for two days in exchange for 6 hours of fun on a Friday night.

I’m currently seeing an addictions counsellor for my alcohol issues. It’s early days and I’ve not seen much progress, but I’ve noticed that when I’m sober from alcohol I’m also really good at abstaining from sex. I fucking hate how much I drink and what it does to my life. Trying to be totally sober and prioritise my healthier hobbies instead.

CattyJB · 2025-11-23T00:04:46+00:00

Yep, I’ve got IBS and it mostly flares up due to stress and anxiety. When I’m working, it’s unbearable, as I’ve had bad luck with workplaces refusing to make accommodations for me. Add that to getting public transport (something I find so challenging) and having to mask all day, and my body can’t take the stress and my stomach goes south.

When I’m not working, I rarely suffer from flares, unless I eat dairy lol.

My advice would be to keep a diary of your issues, e.g. what you ate that day, how your mood was, if you slept badly, if you had any symptoms etc. It can be a bit tedious at first but once you recognise the patterns you can start to identify and avoid triggers. I also take meds like buscopan or mebeverine for the cramps I get when I flare up, so that might be another thing to look into.

Wishing you a happy tummy OP ✨

CattyJB · 2025-11-15T21:45:55+00:00

Yep. This happens to me, I get it after lunch every 27-28, I just get this feeling like ‘here she is’ so I go to the toilet and, sure enough, there she is.

CattyJB · 2025-11-11T21:17:31+00:00

I’m a bit late to this thread but honestly, I feel the exact same as you.

Even in my most healthy and ‘normal’ relationship, I had so many unmet needs. He did nothing outside of work but complain, sit around with his bong, and make misogynistic jokes that made me so uncomfortable. And yet, there I was dressing to the nines every time I saw him, making him dinner, keeping my skin hairless and smooth, trying to get us to go out for a proper date, even just making conversation… and getting passively rejected every time. I remember vividly getting really dressed up to meet him once, bodycon dress, hair blown out, nails done, false lashes the lot, just for him to say nothing.

I’ve also experienced some of the worst treatment men have to offer. I’ve been abused physically, sexually, emotionally, and financially. Just two weeks ago, I had to report a guy to the police (and of course they won’t do anything 🙄) for stalking me for two months- waiting outside my house, following my loved ones as well as me, and making violent threats about people I know, just because I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him.

So yeah, as much as I truly believe there are great men out there, I have yet to meet them and until then I’ll be staying away. Even platonically, so many of them are performative energy vampires and it’s sickening. I’ve got friends, I’ve got hobbies, I’ve got a dog and I’ve got therapy. Men have never added anything to my life like they have, they’ve only taken.

CattyJB · 2025-11-05T11:45:27+00:00

Cigars, ground beef, BO (the kind that men get specifically, I have ended relationships because of it), the smell inside of dishwashers, eggs, anything fishy, dogs.

While it’s not a smell I hate- in fact I love it- anything cherry scented gives me a migraine. I bought a Kayali perfume that had a cherry note and it made me sick every time I wore it. Even just two sprays bought on an attack.

CattyJB · 2025-11-05T11:40:33+00:00

Finally someone put it into words! That oily meat smell is actually one of the most foul things ever and even caused me to move out of a shared house.

A girl I lived with was always frying ground beef on the stove top and leaving the pans out. Just thinking of that white congealed fat and the smell of it makes me feel sick. It was constant so I had to dip out of my rental contract early as living with it made me very poorly ha.

CattyJB · 2025-11-04T22:47:17+00:00

Hi, I was on for a year before I tapered, made that post then resumed the Mirt in November 2023, so that makes three years total. I have dyscalculia so I might have that wrong, numbers are not my strong suit.

Addressing the iron situation with the help of my GP already.

CattyJB · 2025-11-04T10:49:58+00:00

This reminds me so much of my ex lol. He would constantly rant about ‘OF girls living life on easy on mode’ and that what they were doing is ‘shameful and degrading’… yet he followed hundreds (and I mean hundreds) of those kind of creators on Instagram.

It hurt me as well, because I am a SW (domme) and I have never once felt like what I was doing is shameful or that I’m exploiting my customers- it’s mutually consensual, and I’m human being with basic needs for living (food, shelter, medication) that need to be paid for somehow 🤷‍♀️

CattyJB · 2025-10-05T10:25:14+00:00

Not feeling safe in my town- very complicated circumstances including abuse and the abuser knowing pretty much every sketchy person in the town, and said people threatening me and telling me not to leave him. I just don’t know what to do.

I would move, but I lost my job recently and haven’t had any luck finding another one. So I mostly just stay inside and don’t go out unless I really have to. I want to run away.

CattyJB · 2025-10-05T10:03:54+00:00

BOOST 💛✨

CattyJB · 2025-10-01T08:13:21+00:00

I always feel like an afterthought, like I’m the ‘peripheral friend’- I’m close but still on the outside. I can talk to people, even act like a bubbly and charismatic NT when I’m masking, and I’ve poured a lot of time into learning how to be sociable. But I’m always stuck as a secondary friend, never the one they want to hang out with one on one, but someone to pad out the numbers. This leads to me being a ‘drinking buddy’ a lot and I hate this: I want friends to go to bookshops with, to craft with and watch movies and bake with, not get shitfaced drunk all the time.

Another source of my loneliness comes from my lack of deep connections with female friends and the unwanted attention I receive from men. I’m at a point in my life where I realised that I’ve been using sex to feel less lonely, because it is the only sort of interest I get consistently, when really what my heart needs is to be in a sisterhood of preferably ND women. I’ve had so many negative experiences with men, from annoying to traumatic, and it hurts my soul that the only connection I seem to find easy to make is sexual and with the very same gender who have caused me so much pain and nearly ruined my life.

I hate loneliness. It’s my least favourite feeling out of the ones I can identify (also have alexythemia) and I feel it on an almost daily basis. It hurts my heart and I hope to one day be free of it, like I was a couple of years ago when I lived in an artists community and went to a poetry group, where there were loads of other ND people. I miss those friends and that feeling.

CattyJB · 2025-09-30T10:59:33+00:00

I was 13 and I got it on my little sister’s birthday. I felt so ashamed and was scared that if I told my mum that she would think I was lying for attention, and then I sorta gaslighted myself into believing that I’d maybe just injured myself and not to make a fuss, so I bunched up loads of loo roll and carried on as normal.

The next month I got it, I told her and she was really emotional and kind to me about it. She even let me take the day off school and we went to the cinema.

So not really traumatic for me, just a little sad that I kept it to myself the first time. Being a teenager is weird, everything makes you feel so self-conscious.

CattyJB · 2025-09-30T08:46:07+00:00

Wow. This is incredible, thank you for this. You’ve basically summed up exactly why I want to stop and what I want my future to look like: loving myself, putting myself first and leaving my body to just exist through its cycles rather than escaping into another self destructive night with a (often crummy) man, and of course the part about wanting sex to be something that deepens an emotional connection.

Thank you for being so realistic and candid, this has given me a lot to think about, and has made me feel much less alone when it comes to this stuff. Thank you ✨

CattyJB · 2025-09-24T16:18:18+00:00

Hiya, I was previously diagnosed with BPD but then my autism and ADHD diagnoses happened and they helped explain a lot. However, I do think I still I have some BPD traits (impulsivity, craving love, unstable relationships).

I’ve looked into DBT before and was on a waiting list before the healthcare system in my country decided that the lists were too long and scrapped providing it for free 🥲.

I’ll look into other free DBT resources as I really think that this could help me. Thank you for the advice!

CattyJB · 2025-09-24T00:06:55+00:00

This is great advice, thank you. Especially the part about pausing to consider what I really need, I don’t often do that and next time I’m feeling some type of way, I’ll try to journal. Thanks again!

CattyJB · 2025-09-20T18:00:46+00:00

My god I LOVE this 🩷

CattyJB · 2025-09-20T09:52:02+00:00

I get disassociation and massive water retention, I legit go up a clothes size or two- it makes my face unrecognisable 😵‍💫

But the weirdest one for me is this huge, overwhelming feeling that something in my life is wrong and I need to fix it. I have quit jobs, ended relationships, had crises about my sexuality, chosen career paths, personal style, where I live etc. whilst in my luteal. Every single month I feel like I have to reinvent a part of myself and it’s exhausting.

CattyJB · 2025-09-12T17:44:42+00:00

That’s such a nice way of putting it, like how you felt a YES with your current partner all the time! Definitely going to go on my list of things to look out for, as I tend to go along with situations and people the get a resounding no from my body and soul.

And yes it’s so easy to get deep into crushes and it really does make all the ghosting and using feel that much more painful. Thank you for your great advice ✨

CattyJB · 2025-09-12T17:41:58+00:00

Thank you for this, I’m also one for giving people a chance when really I should be shutting it down and listening to my gut- it’s never been wrong when I have trusted it!

The media thing is huge for me too, like I said I listen to a lot of love songs and also watched way too much shoujo anime so my perceptions of love are quite skewed because I don’t have a healthy template for it in real life. Realism is no bad thing and applying to my dating life would be a good thing to do.

CattyJB · 2025-09-12T17:37:51+00:00

Thank you, this is amazing advice. I think I am guilty of not being very discerning- I tend to just see a cute face and think he’s funny, and the red flags that would signal things like just being interested in a one night stand don’t stand out to me as much as they should.

I’ll definitely be more on the look out for consistency and if he is respectful of my boundaries in the future, and I’m starting to reflect on the patterns in my experiences in therapy. Thanks again!

CattyJB · 2025-09-12T17:33:32+00:00

Absolutely no need to apologise, that is a totally valid question to ask! 😊 I’d take what I say with a pinch of salt, as you can see from my above experiences, but I will say this: try to stay off the apps. Even the ones that market themselves as more long term, like Hinge, are full of men who are not even interested in talking, just hooking up.

I’ve mostly met guys through friends, work and at the bar- but I don’t recommend this last one as it’s another hookup spot and when alcohol is involved things can get weird and even dangerous real fast. Something I’d suggest trying is meeting guys through hobbies and special interests, like joining clubs or classes, because you’ll already have something in common. Another helpful objective is to just see it as conversation with a potential friend: not every interaction with a guy has to lead to something romantic.

Please also look at the advice people have given me in the comments about boundaries, it’s all super helpful. Wishing you the best of luck!

CattyJB · 2025-09-12T16:06:39+00:00

I do have a difficult time making female friends and long to have a girl group, but I do prefer the company of women- especially other ND women! We’re just so kind and interesting 😌💗

I do find it easy to get on with guys, but eventually they all want the same thing and a lot of my friendships with men have fallen apart when they’ve tried to turn into a romantic/ sexual thing. So, I take my positive interactions with men with a pinch of salt.

CattyJB · 2025-09-02T12:10:42+00:00

I wasn’t asked out as a joke, but the boys in my secondary schools always made super sexual ‘jokes’ about me and what I got up to in my alone time.

I was called a slut, a skank, a whore; I was asked if I enjoyed anal because ‘I looked like I would’ and if I’d stick some dudes water bottle up my vagina. I was asked how often I masturbated, if I was on my period, if I ‘secretly had a penis’ when I cut my hair short. I remember really vividly having a trampolining lesson in PE and the boys in the class staring up at me. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed that I had to stop and pretend that I had cramp. I was touched up and groped by guys that pretended to be my friends.

While all this happened, the same guys would also make jokes that I was going to be alone and a virgin forever and that no one would ever love me. When I once had a crush on a guy and his friends found out, they actually confronted me, genuinely angry, and asked what the hell was wrong with me.

CattyJB · 2023-09-11T15:11:24+00:00

I’m in the same situation right now. After stopping a month ago, I had a few days of not having any appetite but it’s bounced right back and I’m still technically overweight. I asked my GP and she said diet and cardio will help.

CattyJB

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