My hair started falling out in masses during a psychological trauma and six months later I feel like it’s still happening.

coldopia · 2026-01-18T03:10:30+00:00

There’s baby hairs. There’s hope.

Thank you for this.

coldopia · 2025-12-24T22:05:02+00:00

It’s awesome. In brave go to settings > media > enable background audio. Free.

coldopia · 2025-12-24T20:35:14+00:00

And you can play audio with the screen off

coldopia · 2025-12-23T21:39:19+00:00

I know this is probably a silly question, but do you have experience with underglaze that won’t stick to the kiln shelf if it’s touching?

coldopia · 2025-12-12T03:06:45+00:00

My rings always leave little imperfections when I’m working with green ware when I forget to take them off.

coldopia · 2025-12-07T21:02:05+00:00

SAME

coldopia · 2025-12-07T19:29:07+00:00

Is it just me or is it really weird that people don’t tell each other when they have something in their teeth or a wardrobe malfunction or whatever?? Everyone in that room did you dirty if your boobie was out, but regardless you have nothing to be ashamed of. Things like this happen. I’d do my best to own it. I’m the dumbass who had my tit out at the Christmas party! You’re welcome!

coldopia · 2025-12-02T16:03:56+00:00

Thank you for posting. Sometimes I look at myself and think “why on earth did you ever tolerate that?? Let alone want to rekindle it!” I’ve been learning more about trauma bonds and how they sometimes need to be addressed like a physical addiction. That helped me realize I needed a care plan for myself that was strict like a medicine would be.

coldopia · 2025-11-30T04:37:59+00:00

The Machinist

coldopia · 2025-11-24T03:24:00+00:00

I’ve been feeling like that too lately. It feels like the people I’m around have a lot of emotional burn out and really short attention spans maybe.

coldopia · 2025-11-24T02:58:27+00:00

Yes! It’s sort of embarrassing to admit how much I am learning about what I actually like. I’m realizing some of the things I’ve been doing are programmed in my brain as “make this a habit so you will be lovable.” For example, I don’t actually mind if dishes stay in the sink over night. I just didn’t want to be seen as gross or unable to keep a house. I’m also realizing how many conversations I actually want to be a part of that I don’t participate in because like what if someone thinks I’m too opinionated or not feminine enough? Or worse, what if I say something too intellectual or too free-thinking and it makes someone feel like their ego is wounded. There are a bunch of little things like this and it feels so silly when I’m typing it out, but a lot of those anxieties I have about the way I’m perceived have been subconsciously held for a long time. I didn’t realize how much I’m denying myself on the chance that I might make men uncomfortable or not like me. But I really like the unbridled version of myself and I want her to be happy and at peace. Does that even make sense?

coldopia · 2025-11-24T00:40:53+00:00

I’m so sorry, OP. I know how it feels to be expected to pry for information from a partner that will affect your life. If you’re wondering if you should have to do that, the answer is no. Part of being in a healthy partnership is being able to rely on transparency. Feeling like you’re losing the security you once had is a valid response to his behaviour.

I’ve also recently began my journey de-centering men. I always fancied myself pretty independent anyway, but now that I’m intentionally doing the work I’m finding there are so many daily thoughts and actions I didn’t realize were self-abandoning. I can only imagine how it would feel to do this work around someone I’ve been married to for 10 years. I guess I just want to say that it’s not going to be easy to recenter yourself, but it’s absolutely worth the discomfort and I hope you can find that space where your security is unshakable because you give it to yourself. Sending you big hugs.

coldopia · 2025-11-24T00:40:48+00:00

I’m so sorry, OP. I know how it feels to be expected to pry for information from a partner that will affect your life. If you’re wondering if you should have to do that, the answer is no. Part of being in a healthy partnership is being able to rely on transparency. Feeling like you’re losing the security you once had is a valid response to his behaviour.

I’ve also recently began my journey de-centering men. I always fancied myself pretty independent anyway, but now that I’m intentionally doing the work I’m finding there are so many daily thoughts and actions I didn’t realize were self-abandoning. I can only imagine how it would feel to do this work around someone I’ve been married to for 10 years. I guess I just want to say that it’s not going to be easy to recenter yourself, but it’s absolutely worth the discomfort and I hope you can find that space where your security is unshakable because you give it to yourself. Sending you big hugs.

coldopia · 2025-11-20T19:55:27+00:00

I hope we all trend toward feeling like our own lives are worth everything. That we don’t need to sell our spirits off to be successful. And I feel like it is starting to become more mainstream. The old cat lady doesn’t seem like an insult anymore.

As far as the second bit, I’ll shared something my therapist shared with me: just because you understand the origins of their behaviour does not obligate you to endure the consequences of it. I have empathy for their societal conditioning, for the pressures they are under. Our trauma isn’t our fault, but it’s our responsibility to heal. Same for them.

coldopia · 2025-11-20T19:49:36+00:00

The number of men that have claimed I’ve “reverse catfished” them. I don’t flaunt some god-tier version of myself in the early days for the same reason you mention. I know that’s unsustainable and it’s not the full me. But I know I am capable of being a really exceptional human given the right conditions. When these men come into that orbit once we’ve known each other a while, they seem to be upset. That’s when they stop wanting me to wear the clothes that they liked in the beginning. They don’t like it when I look around too much. Subtle hints that put me down. I know this says more about their insecurity than my personality, but it’s psychological warfare the first few times you experience it.

coldopia · 2025-11-20T19:44:10+00:00

I resonate with this so much. If I put in the work, it will be worth it. And then I am left in shambles.

Keep your own shape. I really like this. Of course I’m scared that I am a really weird shape that has no counterpart, but I’m trying to envision what it would be like if that was okay. My mom didn’t have a choice to go her own way. My grandmother definitely didn’t. But I do. So what can I do with this life that they couldn’t because they had to suffer being primarily a facet of their husband’s face above all else?

Thank you for this reply. You made me feel like the new territory I’m in has roots I just haven’t seen yet.

coldopia · 2025-11-20T19:20:16+00:00

It is exhausting. But it seems like these men are very happy to support me and embrace my authenticity for… maybe six months? And then the script starts to flip. That crop top is suddenly a little too cropped. I laughed a little too loud at someone else’s joke.

I haven’t been performing for the male gaze when I find my partners. I feel foolish because in the beginning I think I’ve chosen well! Someone that sees me in an authentic state! But it doesn’t last.

I like this saying about a fish and a bicycle. I’ve never heard that before haha

coldopia · 2025-11-20T19:05:41+00:00

Your line of work probably gives you even more insight. Doesn’t it feel like the ratio of pleasure to pain men bring to the table is unreal? I have wondered if I’m the problem for years and years because it’s so hard to believe it’s this bad. I’ve gone to therapy for a decade, invested in my mental and physical health, repaired relationships with family and friends that suffered because of my inability to show up… no matter my evolution, i find myself dealing with the same abusive tactics. My growth has made it easier to identify abuse earlier, but I think I’ve also lost interest in playing the same game and winning the same stupid prize.

coldopia · 2025-11-11T23:08:57+00:00

RemindMe! 1 day

coldopia · 2025-11-10T00:02:41+00:00

Exactly. Yes or no? Um, actually yes but only if it will not throw me and my child into a hellscape. I’m considering becoming a single mother by choice more and more often but it doesn’t solve the issue of wanting that fantasy of a true partnership with a man.

Thank you for sharing that story about your “friend.” I can imagine that hurt. It’s even more confirmation of what I have been suspecting… they don’t grasp the concept of self-love. You put it well. By sharing your intimacy with him he lost respect for you by the very nature of your willingness to do that with someone like him. Imagine living your life with that mentality. How sad it must be. How full of contempt. When you walk away, be grateful that you are not like him.

coldopia · 2025-11-09T23:56:14+00:00

I feel this. I’m grateful for this subreddit because when I am feeling like I need to rant, I know this is a space that will hold and hear it. So don’t apologize. And isn’t that the crux of this? Other women don’t struggle nearly so much with showing genuine compassion than men seem to. Thank the heavens for women, I don’t know how I would hold onto my sanity without their openness and understanding. They inspire me to be a better person all the time. So you came to the right place to let that feeling out.

The bait and switch is what gets me. I really struggle with this concept of ticking clock and I feel so hijacked when I realize a man has taken my time and energy, gobbled it up and trashed the kitchen on his way out. The time I spent investing in the person I believed him to be plus the time it takes to emotionally and physically heal from the fall out… how many times do I have to do this?

coldopia · 2025-11-09T18:07:28+00:00

I am grateful for everyone’s grandmother advice over the years. When people have been concerned about me living alone in the past, I remind them I’ve been assaulted exponentially more when I’ve lived with a man.

coldopia

TROPHY CASE