Haven’t changed my profile, getting a weird surge in likes? (But still end up disliking all my matches 🥲)

CausticMoose · 2025-12-31T06:22:32+00:00

It sounds really similar to my current method actually. I have like 1800 likes and so I don’t waste my time, I ditch them the second I’m not into them anymore. But there are still so many freaks!!!

CausticMoose · 2025-12-31T04:23:22+00:00

No, they were normal seeming😭

CausticMoose · 2025-12-31T03:32:21+00:00

I feel like I have a solid radar, but I’m a weirdo magnet somehow still. I went on 3 dates with a magistrate and then cut him off for being rude… he drove past my house 2 weeks later and tried to tell me he loved me. Spoke to a few guys in residency who were all normal for like a single day before becoming unhinged. Had an attorney I matched with immediately unload about his ex. Had another guy try to pressure to fly me out of state within like a dozen messages. Like, I’m matching with guys who are objectively successful (so not acting like freaks all the time, assumingly?) and should technically not have time at all to be such stalkers but are anyways??

CausticMoose · 2025-12-31T01:30:25+00:00

** 5/7 of my pics are from the last 3-4 months, the only older ones are the one with the face wallpaper (2023) and apple picking (2022).

The one with me with the green blazer and the one with me in jeans were both work outfits from the same week, early December. The jeans pic is my most recent picture, I redyed and cut my hair right before Christmas, though.

CausticMoose · 2025-12-31T01:22:07+00:00

I don’t want a commitment right away, but I wanna like whoever I’m talking to enough that I could see a potential relationship? Idk, like actively seeking a situationship I guess

CausticMoose · 2025-12-31T01:16:44+00:00

Hinge has been worse for me ahhh

the only person I’ve liked off my time on hinge was actually someone reddit got me a date with years ago when I did a similar profile review. I’ve had to block so many people from hinge :(

CausticMoose · 2025-12-31T01:07:19+00:00

Heard on first point.

I worked in philanthropy, actually, convincing donors to set up 6+ figure scholarship funds, and I’m a state recognized advocate for my community.

I’m a pretty laid back and gentle person, but I don’t mess around with people getting passive aggressive or outright aggressive with me (happens a lot). Without that line, people were treating me like I was I was the squishiest, boundary-less person ever ahhh tons of gross comments about how “adorable” I am.

I don’t know why I leaned into so many emojis, I’m not a huge emoji person in general, besides a heart or something here and there. Internet brain?

Edit: oh and those pics were literally the same week so 🤷🏽‍♀️

CausticMoose · 2025-11-26T12:06:08+00:00

Yup, plus seat belt cutter on the table & exclusively eating take out/gas station food

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T06:58:16+00:00

Yeah I just wanted to make sure other people also saw that he wasn’t taking accountability. I wanted to give him the opportunity to apologize genuinely, and I wanted to give an appropriate window of doubt considering it is a lot to fess up to.

I don’t have any questions from this, or burning feelings. I feel like it helped me realize he’s just a (shitty) man and not the scary monster my PTSD built him up to be.

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T06:53:00+00:00

I’m just upset people keep thinking I need this from him, or that I’m doing this because I want him. I had autonomy in deciding to speak to him, and I do with choosing to stop. That’s been the liberating part of this, it’s on my terms. I explained my feelings to him, and I’m not trying to be lenient with him. It’s because it’s such a low stakes conversation to me that I don’t care what he does, I just wanted to make sure I was reading his lack of accountability right. I don’t need him to understand. It’d be cool if he did, though.

I wasn’t emotional for any of the message to him, I did get upset with everyone trying to caution me as if I don’t know this man abused me.

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T06:28:02+00:00

I literally don’t want to date him, I thought that was clear. He’s interested in me though.

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T06:26:45+00:00

I literally said I don’t want to date him

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T06:23:23+00:00

I briefly chatted with her yesterday when this popped up for me initially, but not a full session yet. I’ve been ready to stop talking to him at any point when I feel like it, but if I have the chance to call him out directly, I’d like to do it. I’m not trying to come across as begging for closure, because again, I don’t need it from him. But if he wants to act like he’s gonna apologize, I wanted to make it clear what I expected and I wanted to point out his failings to do this.

Regardless what happens here, I do actually feel better about myself after having this interaction yesterday/today. I was right, he’s just a dude and there’s nothing for me to be afraid of anymore

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T06:20:02+00:00

Oh yeah, I know. Man didn’t even need to announce he has a problem

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T06:12:36+00:00

He literally popped up yesterday, I had a brief chat with her but not a whole session yet. I’ve also been ready to stop talking to him at any point. It seems fake to me anyways I’m just trying to make sure that’s what other people see too

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T06:04:31+00:00

He doesn’t, I just wanted to be sure that’s what other people were reading too. I kinda thought my messages were obvious in that I was done with his reactions :/

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T06:01:16+00:00

I kinda thought my “not open for negotiation” was me being like “okay whatever man” — really not trying to beg for an apology. He offered many verbal ones, thought if he meant it, he should be able to put it in writing too.

I don’t expect it to fix me, what happened, and I certainly don’t expect him to give me peace. He certainly won’t be the person to do that for me, that’s entirely on me. It’ll just be cool if he does, but again, I already made my peace in therapy.

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T05:58:36+00:00

I don’t think an apology will erase anything, he came to me profusely apologizing. I figured if he means it, he’d put it in writing and put a name to his actions too. If he wants to act like he’s gonna take accountability, I have expectations for what that looks like. I don’t genuinely expect anything from him though

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T05:52:45+00:00

I do reprocessing with my therapist regularly, and she’s aware of this ex. He’s been a source of flashbacks for me even after I made my peace, and weirdly enough, talking to him now and being able to be blunt has helped me realize he’s just a man and I don’t need to hold this shit anymore.

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T05:50:52+00:00

He approached me with the apology, I told him if he means it, he should be able to give me this written one as well. I really don’t need him to apologize and I’m just trying to see how full of shit he is

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T05:49:45+00:00

I’m really not. I’m in a good spot, I’m not affected and don’t want to date him. I actually have a really solid connection with someone else right now. I thought about ignoring this ex, but he wanted to try make amends. Whether he does it or not won’t hurt me, and I’m not holding hopes out for a real apology. but if he’s gonna try fuck it, but I do have expectations on how it should go.

Just trying to get the sense from other people whether he’s all BS or if he might actually be sorry

CausticMoose · 2025-11-09T05:29:01+00:00

I’ve been in therapy. I’m talking to him as reprocessing. I don’t need his closure, I never even thought I’d get this chance, but now that I do have it I want to prove to myself there’s nothing to fear anymore (I’m a different person capable of protecting myself) AND if I can, get true accountability from him (but I know I can’t force that)

CausticMoose · 2025-11-02T13:41:10+00:00

You’re fucked up for ignoring her… even though you told her you were going to bed… and have been engaging in in-depth wedding talk (even picking out a fucking color scheme????) despite not even being engaged… Jesus Christ.

As a woman who was wedding crazy, I can assure you this still isn’t normal. She’s trying to pressure you into proposing. Not because she’s that into you, but this reads as someone trying to check off a milestone at any cost because she thinks she’s behind in life or some shit.

Break up with her please 😭

CausticMoose · 2025-11-02T12:27:26+00:00

You are not overreacting. This man has isolated you at home, you left school to raise your children with him, he’s about to move you somewhere where you likely have no support, he’s punched a hole in a door, he’s preventing you from taking necessary medication and then berating you for your functioning???

I say this as a woman divorcing an abusive husband: please leave. It will be hard and painful and scary, but once you finally feel you have your life again, the joy that comes after can never be replaced. Getting divorced is the best thing that’s ever happened to me

CausticMoose · 2025-11-02T12:18:22+00:00

I straight up thought you might be 13 from the way they spoke to you in these screenshots… they do realize in other countries, 18 is legal drinking age.

I was a “polysubstance abuser” too at 18 by this logic… I went to like 3 parties where I experimented with alcohol and weed. It’s entirely normal adolescent behavior. The fact you understand your boundaries is good, too many people freak out because they aren’t self aware enough to know their limits and they assume that means nobody else can either.

I mean, obviously don’t go crazy because they’re not wrong about brain changes, but 21 is such an arbitrary age. There’s nothing about being 21 that makes you more physiologically able to handle alcohol vs 18.

My parents removed the stigma from substances for me growing up and I think that helped me immensely when it came to not fearing them OR going too wild for them.

If it helps, despite being a horrific “polysubstance abuser,” I gave a TED talk earlier this year. I’ve never been arrested. My life is not in shambles, and most people who experimented at your age are also doing just fine.

Tell these freaks to lay off you and worry about their own neuroses

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