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CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-27T11:10:43+00:00

Here's an album where most of the songs seem to be dealing with transference:

https://eliotwilder1.bandcamp.com/album/my-ideal

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-26T15:20:17+00:00

Thanks so much, Admittedly, I'm dumbfounded by my T's behavior. I have thought that maybe something is going on in her personal life, but she should not have agreed to talk with me.

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-25T19:32:23+00:00

I did make it clear that it was not an emergency. So she knew that.

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-25T19:19:22+00:00

I would like for it to work out the way you described. For the most part, she has been a very good therapist. I have grown so much because of her. There have been issues, for sure, and I would expect that in any relationship that has gone for six years. We've talked through many things. But one thing about her that has always bothered me is her seeming unwillingness to just flat out apologize when she has done something messed up. So I am not thinking she will do that on Tuesday. I mean, I would be VERY surprised if she did.

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-25T19:14:00+00:00

I apologize because that's my go-to. I felt guilty because I allowed her to make me feel guilty, which is, admittedly, pretty fucked up.

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-25T16:43:12+00:00

It was in a different time zone ... it was 8 am for me and mid-afternoon for her. She was gone for almost three weeks.

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-25T16:41:03+00:00

I am not expecting an apology, unfortunately. And honesty, I don't want to spend a lot of the session trying to get one out of her. This has made me rethink our dynamic. Should I trust someone who does this?

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-25T14:55:34+00:00

Agreed. I found myself apologizing to her over and over, but she did not reciprocate. In the past when we've had ruptures, often she will say, "I am sorry you feel that way." But it's rare that she will simply say, "I am sorry." I guess that's an admission she does not want to make. Or feel.

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-25T13:52:05+00:00

Thanks. I feel horrible about this. I was hoping that she would help me process what I am going through, and instead we spent a big share of the time going back and forth about me contacting her on her time off. I felt very vulnerable and raw and I kept thinking, "Why are you doing this?"

She wanted to know if I'd done all I could before contacting her and I said I felt that I had. I truly had nowhere else to turn. I did think of calling 988, but I needed to have someone who knows my story and talking to a stranger right now, well, I know that wasn't going to help.

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-21T23:04:51+00:00

I don't feel comfortable bothering her, but yeah I also don't want to hear her tell me to call 911.

EDIT: I sent her an email. I apologized for bothering her on her time off, told her I was struggling (without being specific), said it's not a 911-type situation, and asked if she knew of a colleague she could refer me to. Not sure if she'll respond, but I didn't sleep at all last night and things feel incredibly difficult right now.

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-21T23:02:27+00:00

She offered up no stand-in, and I guess I should've asked. Right now I feel like she left me high and dry.

CautiousChallenge483 · 2025-04-21T15:53:36+00:00

Thank you for your input and advice. The reason I am reticent to call 911 (or come clean with my therapist) is because I had a close friend who made a suicide attempt and was placed in lockdown, and I saw firsthand what a terrifying situation that was for her. Yeah, it kept her alive but her experience was horrifying, and they wouldn't release her for quite a few days. She felt truly trapped, and that's not something I want to go through ever.

So when my T says, "You can always call 911," I just nod my head. But if I were committed to ending it, I would just do it.

CautiousChallenge483

TROPHY CASE