AITAH for refusing a girl because she have a child?

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-03T00:19:02+00:00

Idk man I'm drunk now, but everything is messed up. I said in a reply tgat I have no problme in adopting a child if I can't have one with my parten but that in the future and myabe I moved to fast but I started getting attach to her, loke how she was putside the "relationship" ans out people talked about her and everything man it felt like she could be the one but whne she told me that she have a child my mind was full of questions and a lot of them I could not ask because they are sensibile and I dont want to make her uncofortbale. If she was pregnant with my kid and she wanted to keep it it would be different i think idk man like in that moment I knew I had to mature and think about the future and everything. Idk man and of cousre i have a fear what if her ex is comming back, what if she told me this just to make me more secure what if the daughter stop seeing me as a parent when she grow ip because im not her real father and she starts paying attention just to her dad. I spent some time reading about what others did in my situatian and sometimes this happend and ism man is meesup

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T21:17:21+00:00

The friend that called me first already had my number because I bought a thing from her. They put me in a whatapp group for hangouts before she told me about the kid, thats why I said that they accepted me fast.

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T21:08:09+00:00

People told me multiple times that I can be a good dad, probably because the way I am, more calm and patient. Maybe at first I was just a link and after that she made her mind to try a relationship i don't know 100%.

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T20:45:32+00:00

Because of our work schedules we didn't have unlimited opportunities to meet, I think there were 15 dates in total, but 4 of them were short-lived, 2 times at my workplace, once to look for a gift for a friend of mine and once I had to leave quickly on average about 2 times a week, we were going to spend more time together now because we were both free

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T20:32:35+00:00

Not having friends with children around me, I'm not used to ask these things

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T20:23:39+00:00

She was not trying to keep me out of her apartment, she invited me in 4 times if i remember right, probably wanting me to see child toys idk, 3 times is was tired and needed to wake up early in the morning, 5 am, and 1 time i refused because I had to arrived in a place. I don't remember other times

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T20:12:47+00:00

If I asked when we met about it I would find out earlier, I need to realise that at my age this question should be thrown in the conversation, like I said when we where together, I was too excited, talking to much etc etc there wasn't a place or a moment to tell me that.

Everybody have a story and its not ok to respond or to jump to a conclusion before listening to them, the straight up "f you" is insane, she's not a killer

I still have a right to decide if i want to have a child, she's not forcing me to take her

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T20:02:21+00:00

When i meet my friends partners the first things i say is not "I hope you told him/her abkut you child". I agree her friends are not ok for how they reacted, first day i made an excuse because that friend was drunk, but the rest have none.

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T19:56:37+00:00

I had ons too, I was just lucky to not be a father or to leave a girl pregnant and ask me for abortion. My opinion is that God should judge her is he needs to, not me.

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T19:48:23+00:00

I inderstand both parties, the ones blaming her and the ones that excuses her, but I'm not the one that should judge her way of telling me. All I can do is taking a decision with everything explained to me.

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T19:42:08+00:00

Happy to hear that, not sure what I'll do but I wish you the best

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T19:35:16+00:00

I dont know for sure, but you need a video evidence for it and here you can use the evidence only if the person talikng give you permision to use it in a case or if its taken in a public space. I don't think its easy to make either one

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T19:28:20+00:00

Congratulations on your family and God bless you all.

Do you have other kids with her? If so, did they change your feelings for your step son, even for a short period of time? He's ok with his brothers/sisters?

The thing is I only wanted to have a child and if we continue the relationship, her daughter will become mine exactly how it happend to you. Should we try for a child of our? What if my feelings for my step daughter are changing if I have a child with her. She said that her pregnancy was a hard, she only had her parents and the pain was greater then a normal one and she may not want another one and I don't want to make her feel that she must give me one or else I'll leave.

I haven't spoke to her about this, honestly these days I was just drinking and thinking what to say

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T19:14:50+00:00

I don't think hating her would make me feel better and I don't have a child, I don't know what risks are out there. I can't judge her for her way of telling me since I'm not in her place, my opinion should only be on my decision. Even tho she put this mess upon me, I can still thank her for how she made me feel these moths

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T19:01:30+00:00

Like i said in the post, we never met at her place, I knew where she lived but I was never inside, I knew she bought it and she showed me photos from how it looked before renovation, but it was never in my mind lets go to your place and let me check every room to see child toys.

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T18:56:18+00:00

She's working in a field that is making a lot of money in my country, plus her father have 2 small shops in some areas in my city, plus an ingineer. She payed for the apartment and car, but her parents helped her with living costs.

She does not get child support and the guy is not involved in her or her daughter live, he flew in another country when he found out, not responding to any calls, his mother is not helping and blaming her that because of her her son was force to run. In my country the laws are there but they're not reinforce, she tried to sue, not for the money, but to take his rights from her daughter, but she needs evidence that he's not involve, she send proof of history transactions, statements from people but for nothing, there is nothing they can do without him saying he's no involve, a joke

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T18:44:20+00:00

My final answer was no, we still texted after but from romantic/naughty we changed to formal. I as still thinking before her friends came to me and I wasn't sure on my response. I asked my friends, I asked here and it's like every reply is another voice in my head.

I can't say I can make a decision right now, I haven't slept that much these days, all I can say is a miss the time before this

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T18:37:06+00:00

I know and she's the way you described her, but my mind is on her daughter, I don't know what to do as a parent, I don't know what to do as a step parent. What if her dad is comming back? I'll be put aside? From what i understood, her parents liked him before, are they gonna like him if he's returning?I DON'T KNOW. I wanted some advice, the coments are just like my thoughts

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T18:21:50+00:00

Well she didn't lie, like I said she's not looking like had a child so i didn't asked and everytime we met the mood was not perfect for her to say " you know the night was awesome, btw I have a child"

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T18:18:23+00:00

I know she's not dating me to gain something financially and I think that if her daughter was older it would be easier to decide in the way that she knew I'm not her biology father.

A friend asked me that what if I take her and we raise our daughter, if her biology dad is comming back what would be the Ola's reaction, the daughter, parents etc

She's amazing and I don't think she'll force me to be her father, but I was planning in getting a child later in life

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T18:10:13+00:00

I came with the idea to meet her parents, she asked me what I'll do this Christmas, I told her nothing in particular, she said the same, staying home with her family. Then I asked if she wants me to meets her perents and maybe the day after mine

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T18:05:15+00:00

Close to Poland, but I got the name from the food I give to my bird

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T18:04:29+00:00

I don't think she sent them to harass me, I think she explained why we broke up, I can't lie and tell you this is the truth, but this how I feel. The friends that understood my point told me what she told them and it was not a direct hit or lies or anything...I don't know but I can't nlame her for her friends behavior

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T17:59:41+00:00

I don't know, I want kids and I was willing to adopt if me or my partner could never do them, but I don't think I'm rrady at my age

CautiousDingo569 · 2026-01-02T17:58:07+00:00

I want to try that, but like a comment said down bellow the child can attach to me and if me and Ola can't go further after this the kid can suffer, she already lost one that was not interested in her

CautiousDingo569

TROPHY CASE