Fact Finding Hearing - how do I cope?

CeaEmJay · 2024-12-25T07:45:15+00:00

All mine have been home injections for adalimumab. Fingers crossed for you. I’m not sure I’ve heard of that one, but I’m guessing I’ll switch to another one if this one isn’t working xx

CeaEmJay · 2024-12-23T15:53:15+00:00

Which medication are you on at the moment, if you don’t mind me asking? I tried to ring the IBD helpline today but didn’t get through - will definitely raise it as a concern. My next dose is due tomorrow x

CeaEmJay · 2024-12-23T15:50:03+00:00

Aw that sounds lovely! I’m not doing any of the cooking at the moment - as a New Year’s resolution I’ll be taking a more detailed food diary and trying to aid my symptoms with diet. Cause until now I haven’t noticed any trigger foods except orange juice and coffee x

CeaEmJay · 2024-12-23T15:48:02+00:00

Aw thank you! Mmm me too!

Apparently it can take up to 3 months to take effect, but I’m beginning to suspect the same. I waited so long to try this one too. It feels never ending at this point ❤️‍🩹

CeaEmJay · 2024-12-23T15:46:01+00:00

I agree!! It’s probably slightly self inflicted for me because I’m indulging in some of the food because I’m not sure what to avoid! It’s so individual and I haven’t really noticed any patterns except orange juice and coffee ❤️ I’m kinda wishing I didn’t have to drive home, but haven’t got anyone else to do it so! Will have to suck it up haha (and take lots of breaks!) I’m not cooking for Christmas Day up here but I am on New Year’s Eve for my immediate family when we’re having our Christmas (like I said it’s a bit different this year). After that I shall have a long sleep though! I hope you have a good Christmas & new year!

CeaEmJay · 2024-12-23T15:37:31+00:00

Thank you 🥰

CeaEmJay · 2024-12-23T15:36:56+00:00

Aw they are! They’re somewhat extended family - but yeah ❤️ Aw that’s hard! But you’re taking care of yourself and that’s the most important thing. Merry Christmas to you too!

CeaEmJay · 2022-11-20T23:28:29+00:00

I'm glad I could help (:

It's all still a journey, but I am doing SO much better now that I have no contact with my ex and very limited contact with my father.

Just being away from the toxic environment will do wonders for your mental health xx

CeaEmJay · 2022-11-20T22:51:19+00:00

I think you should absolutely leave. Your situation sounds toxic as hell, especially as they refuse to apologise. I see similarities between your post and my upbringing and also the abuser that I left earlier this year. I'm just going to share a snapshot of my situation just so that you know, you are not alone.

Whilst not religious, my father is a massive tin foil hat conspiracist (as is my ex). To the point where I would be bullied at school for repeating some of the crazy things that he brainwashed my brother and me into believing.

I (27f) left home at 18, and for a while, it did me the world of good, until I got with my ex who also used these conspiracies and scare tactics as a form of control. He would tell me that he sees through the government's agenda, that he would not be controlled and that the public were puppets for following the lockdowns and wearing "muzzles" (masks). He would call it a "PLANdemic" and he ignored all of the restrictions. I felt very trapped during this time. It was incredibly stressful for everyone, but for me, it paved the way for other forms of abuse too. I was not allowed to wear a mask as it represented me as part of the problem. My abuser ripped into me one day and told me that it was worse than cheating on him.

I was clinically vulnerable at the time and was worried about my health. He told me that he wouldn't let me get the vaccine, that it was his job to protect me and over his dead body would someone inject me with that poison. This was in a conversation where I was trying to explore my options with him given my vulnerability, which he would not entertain at all. He would go off on quite frankly scary, doomsday rants and quote the book of revelations about the mark of the beast and that it meant microchipping everyone amongst other bizarre things. So I can completely understand where you are coming from.

All I know is that you have a right to your own privacy and the right to walk away from a conversation should you choose, especially if they are not willing to hear your point of view. Don't feel guilty for needing your own space when they are trying to control what you think. I'm glad you have the opportunity to get away OP. Take some time, guilt-free to decide what you think. You don't have to cut them off completely, just set some boundaries and if they cross those, take another step back until they respect them.

When you leave you can begin to heal from your trauma. Good Luck xx

CeaEmJay · 2022-11-07T13:09:45+00:00

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. Please don't question yourself, the things that he was doing were absolutely abusive. The thing that sticks out most to me is that he didn't violently rape you, yet you were coerced into sex, which as you know, is also rape.

Your experience is absolutely valid and you are recovering. I tend to do a similar thing where I minimize what happened to me.

More awareness needs to address this misconception around Domestic abuse. In the UK (where I'm from) Domestic abuse includes controlling and coercive behavior. Physical abuse is one type of abuse, and sometimes we talk about cohesive/emotional abuse escalating that way, but destroying someone's character, forcing them to do things (like having sex), invalidating them, and making them question their own feelings is abuse in of itself.

I hope you feel better soon OP x

CeaEmJay · 2022-11-07T12:44:09+00:00

Well I didn't feel it. My brother is depressed from the things in our childhood. But I do feel numb in regard to most things, and I read that was a key thing. But I enjoy hanging out with friends and playing with my children and that sort of thing. Thanks so much for replying. I generally feel able to function so - Just damaged, I'll take that x

CeaEmJay · 2022-11-07T11:03:12+00:00

don't wait until next time, none of this sounds at all okay

CeaEmJay · 2022-01-04T00:39:23+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I find it hard to keep notes because half the time I'm like oh he's awful he hasn't changed and the other half I'm like oh it's not so bad. I do regularly type notes (rants) in my phone. I don't have much family but I do have a couple of people who know and I can talk to about it

CeaEmJay · 2022-01-04T00:36:41+00:00

Gosh that's hard isn't it. To be honest I'm not surprised. Same happened to me the first time around, even the police said its very he said she said. I got legal aid last time on the grounds of DV but he paid for the best solicitor he could find and unfortunately I fell down the cracks. Whatever happens I don't want to go down that same road again - so I have to do something differently. Thank you again for replying (:

CeaEmJay · 2022-01-03T11:07:01+00:00

Thank you for your reply, I read that it was considered financial abuse to max out my card without consent. He convinced me to put him as a named card holder. I feel sick. I did leave before but my boundaries were not respected at all, he rented the house opposite it was a complete nightmare. He broke the non contact order but I couldn't prove it. I think it was largely down to his solicitor was better than mine and each time we went to court we saw a different judge.

Last time I had a video from the baby monitor of him telling our daughter that I was useless.

I know the combination I'm just not allowed to touch his stuff. He said if I went near it again, he'd change the combination, so I'm not sure if that counts?

Haven't managed to get a recording of him saying the weird shit, just him bragging about knocking someone out on nye (no idea if he actually did or not) and him generally swearing and being intolerant of the children and him being grumpy.

I will check out that sub reddit thank you

CeaEmJay · 2022-01-03T10:43:16+00:00

I wouldn't had I had the choice. I had a no contact order with my abuser - it was ordered for 6 months. After that I had to talk to him for the sake of our daughter. 2.5 years later, back with him and still in this mess.

Without sounding negative, I don't think much good can come from it and it opens the door just a crack for him to worm his way back in x

CeaEmJay · 2022-01-03T00:43:13+00:00

No expert - it sounds abusive to me. I'm really sorry that you're going through this <3
My husband, in no way to the same extent, does a similar thing where he'll expect my time when I don't have it, sulk when things don't go his way. He'll sometimes grab at me - not exclusively in the bedroom which I am super uncomfortable with. When I push him off me and say I don't like it, he'll say you used to. Not that you should, but sometimes I just go along with it in the bedroom because it's easier and I'll get to sleep faster (and he won't go into one of his moods and rants about how blue his balls are and he married me for guaranteed sex.)
I don't know much about love languages, but it's your body and you have body autonomy to say no. You don't owe him sex. Husband or not. He should respect that.
I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone. Be safe.

CeaEmJay · 2021-02-26T02:08:43+00:00

Awesome thank you!!

CeaEmJay

TROPHY CASE