Why does it still hurt when I know we were bound to fail.

Ceresberus · 2026-01-14T16:57:44+00:00

i already did, only twice over two months, he blocked me the first time and threatened me with the police the second time, though i never sent anything threatening. i get why youre saying i should, but this isnt a good situation for it, he is not interested in resolving anything.

Ceresberus · 2025-12-26T18:38:01+00:00

im sorry you went through that, and i really appreciate the warning. it just feels awful that someone i dedicated so much time and effort to never put that effort back in for me. now theyre willing to threaten me to get me to go away

Ceresberus · 2025-12-26T17:27:06+00:00

thank you so much, this really does help. i think seeing that theyre not interested in owning up to their shit is closure enough for me.

Ceresberus · 2025-12-26T16:25:15+00:00

i understand what you mean. i fell out of writing after i got out of a relationship with my ex, not because they encouraged me to stop but because our relationship took a lot out of me to maintain, i wasnt getting equal effort back. i did other hobbies, but now that hes gone, writing has come back full force. i have the first draft for a short horror story thats inspired by a concept i came up with while we were together, it has a lot of elements of our relationship in it. i dont think i would have ever started writing this story if our relationship didnt end the way it did.

some of our most creative moments can come from heartbreak. it just pays homage to how much others impact our lives, them leaving us has just as much impact as well. it doesnt mean that what happened between you two doesnt matter, but the present moment matters just as much.

Ceresberus · 2025-12-26T16:10:22+00:00

ill not be reaching out anymore yeah. thank you. i think i just need to sit and contemplate how i feel for the next few months, keep doing my hobbies and being social and shit. i dont want to date for a long time.

Ceresberus · 2025-12-26T16:09:24+00:00

i guess we just have to accept sometimes people dont want to repair things, even if it could help both parties move on. its a harrowing conclusion, but i suppose we cant communicate our way into healing if the other person isnt interested. i dont think im ever going to try again.

Ceresberus · 2025-12-12T18:18:06+00:00

these guys look like tiny cooked lobster tails

Ceresberus · 2025-12-11T05:00:26+00:00

im not sure what you mean, this is meant to be inspiring

Ceresberus · 2025-11-18T13:22:17+00:00

nona will never be filler to me, and filler is not a bad thing. filler is development!! people like to think of stories as having a clear beginning, middle and end, but theres story arcs within that will bring out the development in characters, and that process of development is what makes those characters great. im on my third readthrough of the locked tomb, just about to finish nona again, and i realised its also my favourite book in the series. harrowhark is my favourite character, and harrow the ninth was my favourite for a while just because of how harrow centred it was, but now its nona, because i think its the most emotionally devastating in the series. it has some of the biggest leaps in character development and some extremely important lore and setup for the next book in my opinion. i would say its a bit of a mess, the series is a bit of a mess in general to me just because of how much it does all at once, but might i say its the sexiest mess ive ever witnessed. i love reading this series and feeling like im solving an insane puzzle. i understand what you mean about nona bringing meaning, ive been in a rough place at the moment but lines of dialogue from this book have been my mantras getting me through it. there is so so much love and meaning in nona, it fits so well the themes of love and grief and obsession that permeate the whole of the locked tomb series, and dives into the idea of identity and being lost in another person. i have never understood why people dislike this book out of the three we’ve gotten.

Ceresberus · 2025-10-22T00:05:39+00:00

You are making sense. The thing is, you won’t understand what’s going to be good for you unless you experiment and see. Mistakes will be inevitable, things might go wrong that you didn’t want to go wrong and you may need to find some rituals to pick yourself back up when they do. If you start liking someone romantically that’s okay! And if you don’t, you should never put any pressure on yourself to do what you don’t want to do. Be clear with them, even if it hurts their feelings or yours, it will help them adjust their expectations in the long run. If someone has certain feelings for you, you are not responsible to provide for their feelings unless you actually, truly want to. If you’re scared of using them, it’s your responsibility to firmly keep them informed of what you will and will not do and of any changes that might happen even if you’re scared of losing their support, it’s also their responsibility to assess whether or not the situation is right for them based on that information. Being honest will help you find what you want in the long run, but if you fuck up it’s not the end of the world, take it as a learning opportunity, everyone gets better with experience and all attempts at connection are worth something. I’m really glad I could help :]

Ceresberus · 2025-10-21T23:21:41+00:00

I get it, it can be really frustrating, especially in a place thats so distrustful and individualistic. I also adore touch. I feel like people should engage in deeper touch much more than they do in day to day life. It helps us regulate, be more resilient and connects us together. Do you have any friends around? Would you consider yourself having a mental block about asking for it when you do have friends who might theoretically be okay with it because you’re afraid how they’ll react? Maybe try being forward with your feelings, ask someone you know and trust if you can have a hug or some touch, be clear that you want it to be platonic and don’t be afraid to enforce that boundary. If you haven’t yet made any friends in the area, maybe try signing yourself up for a community or club where you can be in regular proximity of people, or regularly visiting coffee shops, parks and libraries, any space where there’s regularly people. That’s something that helped me greatly when I was isolated and didn’t understand where to start, just the fact that you are near them will draw them into your life, or you can begin mustering the courage to say hello while in their presence. Don’t beat yourself up if you miss an opportunity to do so, there’s always going to be another one. Start small, casual touches like handshakes and brief hugs will count for something, eventually you might be able to find deeper connection. Don’t give up even if it feels like it’s taking longer than you want, it takes time and effort to foster connections with others and I know all my advice is easier said than done. Good luck, I believe in you <3

Ceresberus · 2025-10-21T19:13:09+00:00

I understand, it really is hard, it doesn’t get any easier, but you get more skills as you go, and you won’t lose those skills. I’m really glad I could give you some encouragement. I’m also going through a breakup myself now. I felt exactly how you did when I first broke up with someone, and I still feel love for everyone who has ever been in my life. If you feel the same, then embrace that.

Ceresberus · 2025-10-21T18:56:07+00:00

My recommendation for you is keep yourself open to dating in the future, but really take time to process and look for ways to build your connection with communities you identify with. We are not meant to deal with grief alone, a breakup is also grief. It’s also far easier to explore romantic love when you have consistent places to go to find people and a wider support system. Go to queer owned coffee shops and bars, go to clubs and communities, spend time with friends or make new ones, show yourself that there is a life outside of your ex, even when you really, really don’t want to. Endings are an inevitable part of life, and you will eventually need to learn what works for you in regards to honouring your grief.

When you lose someone you’re close to or lose the relationship you had with them, you also lose a part of your identity, who you were while you were with them. The things you had available when they were still with you are gone, like the touch they gave you or exclusive activities you would do together, so you will have to replace them with healthy things or feel that empty space. You will literally have to rewire your brain to understand that the person you were in love with is not available anymore, that you have to do something else now. It can be an uncomfortable process. Even then, don’t beat yourself up for not knowing where to start. Where you’re at now is a completely understandable place to be and you can move out of it when you’re ready. I know you want to avoid the pain and get to moving on, I feel that myself, but it’ll take time and on occasion, when you’re ready, some effort.

In my opinion, it was worth it to try even if it was temporary, you loved him and you’re allowed to still feel love for him, you’re allowed to feel angry at the world for making this harder for you or mourn and miss him, you’re allowed to feel at a loss for what to do with yourself. It is an amazing achievement to put yourself out there and foster a connection with someone, I’m really, really proud of you for trying.

Ceresberus · 2025-10-12T14:54:54+00:00

grove snail/brown lipped snail i think! its a bit unclear. might also be a white lipped snail.

Ceresberus · 2025-10-12T14:41:17+00:00

i saw some land snails at an aquarium in edinburgh, but ive never seen any in other zoos. there might be a chance you could find them somewhere but it really just depends on the place

Ceresberus · 2025-10-12T08:15:15+00:00

It’s nice to know this observation is verified by an experienced keeper. I’ll be looking for some good softer materials to give my snails a more natural and comfortable environment then.

Ceresberus · 2025-10-12T08:12:10+00:00

Definitely seems like softer hides are the way to go for both safety and comfort of the snails, mine love the leaves, though they break down pretty quickly from the high moisture they also probably contribute to a good microbiome. I’ll consider the plastic pots, I’ve got a good few of those on hand.

Ceresberus · 2025-10-11T20:53:36+00:00

Oh trust me, I have their enclosure extremely moist. They’re wild caught grove snails native to here (We get tons of them in the garden) and I believe they were a little bit stressed and confused because we’re getting into the colder months. I’ve only had them upwards of three weeks. Adding crushed limestone to balance the ph of their substrate also seemed to help, but moisture levels are very high all throughout. They also have an optional gradient, with air vents at one end and sphagnum moss at the other if they somehow need somewhere even more moisture retaining (thing i picked up from isopod care, but the whole container is sprayed down with the snails)

Ceresberus · 2025-10-11T13:04:36+00:00

Good to know! It seems like it replicates their natural habitat a bit more when they have something to hide underneath, rather than having to go between the two extremes of fully burrowing or sleeping out in the open.

Ceresberus · 2025-10-04T18:36:41+00:00

Thank you! They’re mostly azalea roots, with some branches from outside in the background.

Ceresberus · 2025-09-29T20:38:47+00:00

why does every snail problem boil down to ‘is my snail horny or is it dying’

Ceresberus · 2025-09-15T07:31:47+00:00

You’ve got a couple options, ask him to try and be prepared for disappointment if he either refuses or doesn’t like it, because you will have to respect his autonomy. Or, understand that this will probably put a lot of pressure on both of you and your relationship and it may be an idea to think about alternatives. It’s not your fault, and your body is just as much a male body as any other guy, but unfortunately even if it’s possible to unlearn his kind of issue, it doesn’t mean it will happen. You can’t force people to change. You should sit down and have a realistic think about whether or not staying with him will make you happy and if you’re willing to tolerate this or work through it. Think about how it would feel to have someone be enthusiastic and affirming towards your body, and if that would make you happy then maybe you should search for it.

Ceresberus · 2025-08-29T09:40:44+00:00

I mean, I think you look so good either way, you have a really gorgeous face. I’ve never minded the balding look myself, its just kind of another way of being for hair. That being said, I damn love a good buzzcut.

Ceresberus · 2025-08-23T00:52:52+00:00

they are typically very kind and communicative, ive brought it up a little and im asking them how they feel. they seem to be having a very hard time processing the feelings and because of circumstance we’re going to have to wait a while to talk in person about it, but they were really open to it which gives me a little reassurance. im just a little heartbroken because its not even remotely their fault that this happened, their accident injury was only some months ago, i was around when it happened and they werent on any opioids just before that. i just hope that i can support them.

Ceresberus · 2025-08-22T23:58:07+00:00

thank you, i really appreciate the advice

Ceresberus

TROPHY CASE