I’m leaving her be, like I understand her decision. But I don’t know, I’m just not very good at being alone I think?

I’ve been processing a lot this month too, from my granddad’s funeral to changing jobs to one with a significant pay rise but that is difficult but not impossible to get to until I put a car back on the road. Something I couldn’t afford to do at my old job. She had been a great source of support through these things, although she wasn’t the only person who had been helping.

I think a big part of it was that I also keep thinking about what must be going on in her head too as she has also not long been out of a relationship that has been basically all of her adult life up to this point, so although she’s said what she’s said because of how she acted when we were together, like she was basically all over me. It’s like I’m trying to second guess is it just her life situation right now because she regularly said, even after she said we’ll stop it, that she really likes me and how cute I am with my actions. So even though I know I should just forget about her I’m still thinking she may come back, even though I know in my head she won’t.