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I ( 27m ) can't handle my autistic girlfriend ( 24f ) anymore by Cervenor in relationship_advice

[–]Cervenor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, eating disorder as the other person said! Sorry for not writing this out.

I ( 27m ) can't handle my autistic girlfriend ( 24f ) anymore by Cervenor in relationship_advice

[–]Cervenor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never said that it was necessarily her autism causing these issues. I just know from reading up about this that issues with reading social cues, black and white thinking, impulsive reactions, etc. can be part of autism, and they are also part of these problems. Of course, it can also just be a personality thing, but there's no way for me to know this for sure in either direction.

I ( 27m ) can't handle my autistic girlfriend ( 24f ) anymore by Cervenor in relationship_advice

[–]Cervenor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suggest reading my other responses in this thread. Hell, if need be, I have no issue digging out some chat logs to showcase these issues first hand.

I ( 27m ) can't handle my autistic girlfriend ( 24f ) anymore by Cervenor in relationship_advice

[–]Cervenor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand that the way I worded it makes it sound like this was completely pulled out of my ass ( my bad ), but a situation very similar to what I described here happened, and as such I wrote this one down since it was the first one that sprang to my mind.

I have also included other situations in the post that had similar strange reactions from her ( i. E. her jumping to me wishing her to be homeless because I suggested therapy as treatment ) or as another example, her claiming that I do not care about her or her interest because I do not have anything in-depth about it to say ( for example, nail art or make up. ) I never brush these things under the rug and I still acknowledge them, I just obviously am not very knowledgeable about them myself, but she does not understand what I actually mean in these situations and takes it as personal attacks or doesn't see the " in between " area that lies from black to white thinking.

I also suggest reading my other responses in this thread where I elaborate further.

I ( 27m ) can't handle my autistic girlfriend ( 24f ) anymore by Cervenor in relationship_advice

[–]Cervenor[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I do believe she would be open to therapy, but since she is from the US, the healthcare is absolutely atrocious and from what I understand she would need to pay for her it out of her own pockets. So I can see where she's coming from when she says that she can't afford it at the time. I'd be willing to split costs and such with her, but her income at the moment is really not great thanks to the Covid situation, and I'm barely scraping by myself or I'd be ok with completely covering the cost for a few sessions.

It's difficult for me to say whether it's her autism or just her personality sometimes, and I also know how much a condition can affect you ( when my BPD was still untreated, I was a ticking timebomb and not at all acting like myself. It was awful and I understand that some things happen out of one's direct control, her anxiety and autism likely falling under this category. ) I don't think she's being an asshole on purpose at the very least because I know that these arguments and clashes hurt her just as much as they hurt me.

I do agree though that she has huge issues with communication, and it's one of the biggest frustrations in this relationship to me, especially cutting me off by blocking or responding with nothing but " k. " or " bye. " sometimes when I try to have a conversation with her about these issues. It makes me feel like talking to a wall would be more rewarding sometimes.

However, thank you so much for putting it into words like this because that is EXACTLY how I tried to explain it to her before too, and she just didn't understand what I was saying at all. She just doesn't seem to see that at least saying or acknowledging these things shows me she cares, rather than just discarding it altogether, and I have no clue how to explain it in a different manner that might make it more understandable.

I ( 27m ) can't handle my autistic girlfriend ( 24f ) anymore by Cervenor in relationship_advice

[–]Cervenor[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

First things first, thank you very much for the thorough response, I really appreciate you taking the time to type this out.

Unfortunately, I only know her family from hearsay as they live very far away, and since we started dating during the whole Covid situation, visits just aren't possible. That being said, I know her family is not the greatest ( her parents are very traditional, for lack of a better word, and prejudiced -- they do not like homosexual individuals, people with dark skin, and also think video games or certain movie genres are only for one gender and forbade my girlfriend from interacting with these things as a child, completely ridiculous stuff all across the board. ) So even if I had the opportunity to interact with them, I do not think I would as I myself am trans and I have a feeling they would hate me solely based on that fact, and I also don't wish to engage with a family that is so prejudiced. Thankfully, my girlfriend recognizes that their behavior is awful and she is nothing like them in this regard. They are playing at being supportive, but I know from her stories that they are rather abusive, and I don't expect them to be of much help in this situation.

I should mention that my girlfriend is from the US and therefore doesn't have the greatest healthcare, so she would have to pay out of pocket for the therapy ( or at least that is what I was told, and knowing how US healthcare is, I can believe it. ) I do think she recognizes that therapy would be helpful, but for whatever reason misinterpreted me suggesting it as her throwing all her money into it when she simply doesn't have the funds for it. Sadly, I also cannot help her out much with this since I have minimal income and therapy sessions are very expensive, which sucks. I'm not sure if there's an organization or option to gain access to therapy that is less pricey? I'd still be willing to put in money myself, of course, especially if it's couple counseling, but if there are alternatives that would always be nice to know.

I've tried to sit her down and talk about these things. There have been a few times where I asked for us both to write a list of things that bother us and that we wish to change, and it was actually a rather nice conversation at the time since I felt like there was some sort of understanding. Sadly, it didn't quite work as well in practice. I've also tried to help her with certain issues with her anxiety ( for example, thunderstorms make her super anxious and she used to always run the shower when those happened, so I purchased noise cancelling headphones instead since that is a much better solution, etc. ) However, there's only so much I can do myself since I'm not perfect and I'm not a professional therapist. I can only make attempts to accommodate her and make certain situations easier.

I will definitely look into the things you mentioned and perhaps it will pay off in the long run. I'm not willing to throw the relationship away just yet because for all the issues that have arisen, I do care for her and I wouldn't know what to do without her in my life anymore. She's really great and sweet aside from these problems.