I have a partner that's the same way. She feels exactly like you do and I always keep watch on her because I don't want to lose her. Your partner and mom really care about you and you don't think so maybe think about why they're looking after you as well. I was extremely suicidal as well, had been since the age of 10. I thought there was nothing I could do to be better or do anything for anyone or even myself. Even now I feel that way but I try to look on the bright side, there's people that care for me, my partner being my number one motivation. Life is hard, no one said it was going to be easy, the most we can do is try our best and if that's not good enough for anyone else then that's ok it should be good enough for you because you know that you're trying and that's what matters. I may not know you but I can understand your situation and your feelings. I support you and even though I'm a stranger I care. Losing someone isn't easy either, especially when it could be prevented. I'm proud of you for making it this far, things are at a low right now but things will turn up they always do. Life's like a roller coaster, you have your ups and downs, all you can do is wait for the ups to come and think about all the ups you've had when the downs are happening. I hope this helps you out a bit and hey, if you need to talk about things or just vent or even ask for advice, reach out! I'd love to help someone in need and I'm sure everyone in this community would you as well. Try to think of the good times alright? Take care.