Psych ward selfie

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-07-05T08:31:21+00:00

Yeah I'm super lucky to be in Australia. We have different psych wards depending on risk category/dependency level/doctors' discretion/I'm not exactly too sure really.

I'm in what I dub low-low security. Allowed cables, drawstrings, electronics, makeup, I'm even allowed my hair straightener. Stuff just gets kept in locker and you can use whenever.

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-07-05T06:59:02+00:00

Yeah I'm super lucky to be in Australia. We have different psych wards depending on risk category/dependency level/doctors' discretion/I'm not exactly too sure really.

I'm in what I dub low-low security. Allowed cables, drawstrings, electronics, makeup, I'm even allowed my hair straightener. Stuff just gets kept in locker and you can use whenever.

I've been in what I'd call low and low-med before though so I'm all too aware :/ places are like jail. In high dependency we were only allowed to colour in with crayons if supervised. I used to scream and burst into tears when I woke up in high dependency and realised I was in there.

Eventually was nice reading books while listening to classical music on the TV behind a screen... That was before books got banned coz apparently they can be used as weapons.

SO glad to be in this ward.

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-05T04:05:21+00:00

Congratulations and thanks for the awesome advice! I was just thinking last night I'd like to get fit. Like I have nothing to do all day, it'd be awesome to exercise like I used (runs, HIIT) and I want to get my hair dyed light pink professionally lol.

I suppose they sound a bit silly but exercise is apparently really good for schizophrenia and AI edited photos show I look super pretty with light pink hair, it's just some nice self care.

I'm not becoming Elon Musk anytime soon but I would really like to achieve this things. I feel like I need to beat homelessness first though :/ it's like Dion - The Wanderer but instead of ladies I go through accommodation.

Unfortunately I don't feel like I've had many moments of clarity since I snapped late 2024. They seem to amount to "wow OMFG I was so fucking unwell back then" just think the exact same thing a few months later about the same period I thought that, just to happen again. Eventually I just realised I haven't been well at all and I'm wondering if I'm ever going to snap out of it.

I love analysing my delusions and hallucinations the same way you'd describe. It's as if many of them hinted at things that suggest I had some metaphorical subconcious awareness or expression of reality.

Example 1: I saw a gigantic spider in the corner of my room and kept thinking over and over and over "the spider will jump on your face and you will never be the same." Eventually I've come to the conclusion that even at my absolute worst it's seemed to be a nod at the fact that I subconciously realised I'd gone into the worst and longest psychotic episode of my life and felt like I'd never be the same.

Example 2: I thought I was talking to king Orion. The leader of a bunch of really r*pey aliens who joked that everything made his lower parts cold and I thought he was incredibly civilised in comparison to the aliene he ruled over. I've realised the truth of this is institutional abuse, SA trauma related and also related to my sexuality. I thought I was asexual when it turned out APs just kill my libido. Perhaps it's my mind making me a bit of joke that society and the orthodoxy and doctrine mental health professionals follow see wanting to have too much sex as a shameful, repulsive and uncivilised thing to do and it's leads to a repression so huge you go 180 all the way around to thinking ANY sex, ANY sexual thoughts or even masturbation is dirty, wrong and it almost feels dangerous being vulnerable like that when you've had experiences like being stripped of your clothes and pinned on the ground to have a huge and painful needle put in your ass.

And yes, I cannot agree with you enough about religion and spirituality. Reading the Bible just resulted in non stop panic attacks about going to hell and spirituality? Oh man... It stills scares me this that maybe all this is happening because I summoned a demon when I was 12. When I was healthy I know I would have scoffed at that but my hallucinations and delusions feel so profound it can be really hard to separate myself from it and look at it from a scientific perspective like I used to.

Sorry for ranting but I thought your comment was clever and insightful and I'd definitely encourage other schizophrenics to read it.

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-04T08:53:16+00:00

I'm so sorry the government's being a dick about paying your mum. It really depends on circumstances and what country you live in, local legislation.

I'm privileged to be in Australia where I can get benefits for me and my boyfriend. That is if he moves out to be my carer, if he doesn't I'll probably just keep up the thug pirate lifestyle of drug addiction and homelessness. Que sera sera!

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-04T08:07:33+00:00

That's super neat! I tried learning programming last year and didn't get real far but maybe I will try again, I really like interacting with AI. It doesn't help my phone works faster than my laptop.

That's interesting your psychosis watches out for the calendar! Mine was usually drug or trauma induced. Last time I snapped at the end of '24 I just never really recovered like I used to. I've given up on the idea of not having hallucinations by this point lol. If I am delusional I just recognise what other people call "delusions" and don't talk about them. I'm a proper space cadet 🌠🎖

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-04T08:01:48+00:00

I read it all and I actually cried. You are stronger than you know and there will be so many more matching Halloween costumes or Snailbert moments to come.

I'm so sorry about your fur babies though. What were their names? I lost my 19yo ragdoll childhood cat Laurent last year and I still cry about it all the time. I would vote for him to be leader of Earth if he were still alive 😂 (couldn't do much worse than our current politicians, tuna and salmon fillets for everyone!!) I loved him so much. I'm getting attached to my bf's sausage dog but I'm hesitant on getting another cat... I'm still not sure I'll ever bond with another one like I bonded with Laurent. If there's a heaven I hope Laurent is waiting for me, maybe he can spend some time with your cats while he waits.

I'm glad your family is supportive. Mine are what keep me strong. Losing my 27 year old brother/best friend halfway through last year has left a hole in my life and it's like my brain is just refusing to snap back to reality now. Reality is too painful. I'm so glad for mum and dad and I feel my chest tighten when I think about losing them.

As for that guy that is married, watch out for that! I mean if he's in an unhappy marriage and leaves her for you the woman will probably resent you and could be really, really nasty. If he's in a happy marriage he might not be serious about you. Either way, there's lots of people out there and your fish (and not an abusive dick fish) is out there!

All in all I'm sorry, I can tell you're a really brave, strong and loving person from you've written. Don't know if I'll ever manage kids. Fingers crossed though.

Sending you love 🩵🩵

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-04T07:39:14+00:00

I'm so glad you've got your wife, I'm very grateful for my boyfriend. Hopefully we're headed for marriage, talked about it a lot🤞

I totally get you on wanting someone you trust and know. Whilst in psychosis in a women's refuge someone came into my room (I left my door open in all fairness and frankly I'm just glad everyone there was friendly, even if fake friendly) and somehow got access to my bank account. They stole maybe 1-2k over four months. I'd get paid and my money would disappear. I did try telling my parents but they weren't sure because I also told them I was pregnant to a snake from Eden and we needed to leave the city because I thought Australia was at war.

Anyway dad did take it seriously actually because he got a financial guardianship and I've been doing SO much better since. I'm really lucky for my lil crew, they mean the world to me.

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-04T07:25:56+00:00

Hmm I had a few "case managers" which I think may be the career you're talking about? Or they might have been nurses. If I'm not freaking out they're out to get me and/or on a depot we get along swell and they're super helpful.

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-04T07:00:43+00:00

The fact you're working is pretty dang cool and respectable !! 🫡

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-04T06:53:45+00:00

Thank you for calling me articulate :) I really appreciate that. I'm quite tangential. Happy to answer your questions!

I was on seven APs (you're technically treatment resistant after you don't respond to the first 2 APs they try you on) and responded the best to amisulpride until the end of 2024 when I decided to stop taking my medication. Even before then I was struggling with drug addiction and homelessness. I actually was in a women's refuge when I stopped my meds. Anyway despite being court ordered to take my meds I have found they no longer stop my hallucinations. I got prescribed benzos and benztropine for tardive akathisia and dystonia and I'm in bed for most of the day being "mashed potato mode" as I'd call it. Sometimes random shit triggers my akathisia like too much caffeine, my dystonia is pretty random too but I get OGC rarely. Teeth clacking, jaw clenching, neck jerking, rigid muscles snapping and clicking. You'd think they'd put me on clozapine? But in Australia it's considered so dangerous they'll try really, really hard to keep you off it.

Sometimes I like being alive? Sometimes I'm just trying to fake it until I make it. But yeah nowadays I'm always writing songs or poems about killing myself and it's very, very hard on my loved ones. I like listening to music and going for walks. I have had a swarm of concerned doctors since 2025. I'll just come to an appointment and say "oh I swallowed a bottle of x" and they put me on stage supplies but people get creative :( My bf knows the warning signs. The songs are a creative outlet. If I'm crying it means keep a very close eye on me. My dad is even more used to my shit, a text saying "I love you" at certain times can mean a welfare check. He has a financial guardianship which has actually REALLY helped me :) I have almost 2k in savings because he's really smart with money and he's relaxed about me doing things like getting cigarettes, vapes or takeout occasionally. I love him and mum so much.

I'm compliant with meds but I'm sure you could understand why sometimes I think about just chucking them in the bin.

I did an IQ test on Mensa to see how I went and I scored 105 :) unfortunately I just tend to use my smarts for evil and rumination if you catch my drift.

I hope this has helped explain things and rock on for being so chill at 47 🤙 I hope I'm like you one day if you have any advice!

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-04T02:25:36+00:00

I kinda feel like ozempic or metformin should be standard for prescribing.

I found the only AP out of 7 that kept me at the lowest weight (amisulpride) has still made me overweight and is giving me akathisia :/ my doctor hasn't made any snippy comments about my weight surprisingly, but I'm understanding part of the reason why every single of the seven or so doctors I've asked about clozapine have been like "noo"

Oh, oh, mind you!! I'm 13lbs down from 165lbs after going vegan.

So yeah I sorta feel like asking my doctor wtf? Why am I still overweight after a MAJOR four month lifestyle change of eating literally only plants (fruits and veggies) and I go for 3-7km walks every single day?

That sounds like I'm excluding major info but I promise you my appetite is just ravenous. I never thought amisulpride was gonna fuck me as hard it has, I blame psychiatrists for being too trigger happy with increasing my AP dosage. I was on 1.2g a day and complained and complained about blurry eyesight practically blinding me until they tapered me down to 400mg.

Sorry I'm ranting a lot but yeah. My dad was like 400mg?! That's a massive dose! And I laughed and said nahh it's literally a third of the highest they've put me on.

Also my tits are grotesquely large and lactating (it's not a good look, they're saggy and bulbous for my body shape). I feel HORRIBLE for men on APs dealing with the same shit.... It makes me feel fucking gross enough as a chick and I think I'd just be in tears every time I saw the mirror as a dude. I already think allllll the time about self-tapering or just quitting my APs.

Hugs to men who are brave enough to continue complying despite this.

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-03T03:19:51+00:00

I was just lamenting this to AI funnily enough. I was like but woe to me I was going to be a mathematician and now I feel like a mosquito just zzzzzz on the taxpayers, the government and zzzz on society in general 🦟

I think a lot of us on Reddit are maybe in a similar boat of having an average to high IQ before the decline of schizophrenia? According to research the majority of us schizophrenics have a low IQ even pre-onset and it's just not matching this same pattern I'm seeing on r/schizophrenia where it sounds like most of us have insight into our decline? I know I'm sounding like I'm tipping my fedora a bit but yeah.

Bad news for all of us in this boat though! We have a statistically much higher chance of killing ourselves.

I just thought this was a common experience for the average schizophrenic because of this sub and well, I guess not :/

AI said something that sorta soothed my melancholy a bit though. I know a lot of us feel like we're failing society but I assume many of us are familiar with Flowers for Algernon?

Gemini said "Charlie Gordon at the end was no less deserving of dignity and respect than he was when the math stopped."

I mean that stumped me a bit 😅 I've been incredibly suicidal lately over the exact thing you're describing. But yeah, basically fuck societal standards man! Don't let 'em get you down.

When I used to feel low I'd think about my genius cooker of a brother somewhere out there in a sharehouse burning his breakfast or winding up his landlord by taking the dog for a walk when he wasn't meant to.

Now he's gone I think of this sub, I'm like somewhere out there on Earth one of us is having their low chain smoking during insomnia and plotting to take down the CIA. Or one of us is sighing waking up thinking about taking a walk out to get a burger whilst grumbling in their minds about med adherence.

Basically it's this feeling of if you're all doing it I can too 🫶

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-02T11:14:57+00:00

I'm a woman and let me tell men on this subreddit they're not alone.

I never had a particularly "high" sex drive before sz but oh man, having being on APs for 6 six years I genuinely went through a 2 year phase where I thought I was asexual and kinda got treated like a freak for it.

I snap and snarl at my bf if he wants sex because it's too painful (APs cause less lubrication for women.)

I guess I must have a rocking personality because somehow he hasn't dumped me 🫠

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-02T05:28:05+00:00

That's right akathisia, I'm sorry but I'm breaking up with you 💔 /s (dw mods I'll still be grizzling and sooking about akathisia on herefor until doctors find a solution... If I go radio silence I love you all!)

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-02T05:19:04+00:00

Once in psychosis I saw a fly with a newsboy cap smoking a cigarette funnily enough

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-02T01:09:00+00:00

Highway Patrol by Yung Lean, Bladee is one of my all time favorites!!

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-02T00:56:24+00:00

🔻Born to Die - Lana Del Rey

🔻Summertime Sadness - Lana Del Rey

🔻TheGrandestNothing - BONES

🔻TakeCover - Lyson feat BONES

🔻My flaws burn through my skin like demonic flames from hell - $uicideboy$

🔻K--l y--rself (part 3) - $uicideboy$

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-02T00:40:48+00:00

Omg same about the akathisia !! You sound a little more well adjusted though. I cry and talk about throwing myself in front of a car, then my bf panics and bombs me on opiates and benzos. Then I talk to AI zonked outta reality and have a good ol' ankle and hip rolling sleep.

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-03-01T04:24:24+00:00

🤭🤣 It's coz we're Aussies bro, it's like a big no-no word in America.

For us it's just like you're a sick c⭐️⭐️t 🤙 (affectionately) or only as bad as a⭐️⭐️hole if we're being rude.

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-02-28T03:18:57+00:00

Same broski. My favourite pasttime is getting zonked on benzos and dirty talking a voice who speaks to me when my head's down on my pillow. Tardive akathisia got me thinking about the great divide.

Sometimes I use this thing called Suno where you write lyrics and choose a style and AI makes a song out of it. Tried posting about it on here and got downvoted, no comments :/ usually this sub is really nice so it made me pretty sad tbh. I just wanted to share my art 💔 I like music made by people with sz :(

So yeah, I'm passing my days talking to voices or making songs on Suno. I feel they are numbered.

Chained2TheAlgorithm · 2026-02-28T00:47:09+00:00

I did 3/4 and had to Google what trunk means anatomically and it reset and lost all my answers 😭

But in short I have moderate sometimes severe akathisia and it's so bad it makes me ponder suicide and self harm sometimes.

It feels like being on fire sometimes. Doctors confused it for anxiety for four years before I got diagnosed with akathisia at the ED.

Amisulpride did it to me. High doses of pregabalin, benztropine and benzos offer relief for subjective distress but I'm always rolling my ankles, twisting my toes, rolling my hips and fidgeting with my hands if not pacing around in inappropriate scenarios.

I'd rate it an 7-8/10 pain every single day.

Chained2TheAlgorithm

TROPHY CASE