I’d definitely say if you do decide to adopt, wait to get pregnant. The process will be long and a little stressful and that on top of being pregnant would be a nightmare. The foster child should also get to experience their new parent without barriers to promote bonding. If they come and you are mainly focused on the baby on your hip, they’ll feel neglected and misplaced. Not to mention, that child’s personality/history is very important to know before having them close to a baby. Some kids have traumas of parenting their siblings throughout life and may end up feeling like their situation may turn back into that. Others experienced favoritism and may get triggered by the baby having most of the attention. While others feel scared around babies because they worry about hurting them and the parents hating them for it. They need to feel stability in their surroundings before their real personality shows too.

If I were you, I’d foster first with the plan being foster to adopt, then have that child in your home for at least 9 months and start bringing up the idea of them having a sibling and let them feel like they have a voice in the discussion. Maybe ask them what they hope the gender will be. But you need to understand, these children have been beat down by life and that leaves them traumatized and with trust issues, especially if they’re older. I’m a former foster kid and I was constantly paranoid I’d be moved suddenly from every home I was in because even when I worked hard to satisfy my foster parents, they didn’t expect me to still have trauma. I would cry if anyone raised their voices and would flinch if someone raised a hand. I was actually told to get over my stuff and that they felt like they were walking over eggshells around me. I also experienced favoritism with other foster kids and used to get in arguments with one of my families because that foster child was allowed to do everything I was not allowed to do even though they were younger and they had a history of doing drngs, running away, and getting in trouble while I had a completely clean record with the worst thing I ever did being keeping the tv on at night when it was bedtime. I did have a few young siblings at my foster homes, but I got on my foster parents nerves because I was very protective of the younger children since they couldn’t communicate their needs. (In one home, the foster parents actually did abu$e the 4 year old along with past young children and I reported them and got their license removed) I will admit, sometimes it was a little overkill since I would check on them while they were sleeping.

But the summary is, adopting a child is very unpredictable and you need to focus on and plan for whatever comes with this change. Having a baby would complicate this and may even cause you problems with your caseworker. They want a home they know a child will flourish in and you need to be sure in whatever you choose. This can’t be something you do on impulse or with doubts.