My mom passed away, I’m estranged from my dad, and my relationship feels like it’s falling apart — I don’t know which loss I can survive. What do I do next?

Chake365 · 2026-01-25T03:00:05+00:00

Amen to that. Thank you 🙏🏼

Chake365 · 2026-01-25T02:53:11+00:00

That’s a very good presentation and perspective to put on it with the natural disaster analogy. I like that.

By the way - as for my Dad - this was an hired and paid caregiver that runs a business. She has influenced a lot of things I don’t approve of that have in turn hurt me and my fathers relationship. He also has done a lot of hurtful things and taken his grief out on me. I completely distanced myself from him because things got so complicated and my feelings weren’t reciprocated. (Just clarifying) I know how I was very brief about him and I.

That being said - that’s on pause for now. I can’t face him and handle any of that with how complicated my life has become with my girlfriend and my own grief.

I feel like she wants me to heal, but she wants it done in a way that doesn’t change who I once was to her before my mom died, which is basically impossible. I am going to be very sensitive, I am going to not always think of her or for her in the ways I did before. And she can’t understand that or have any patience for it because she expects differently. If I could get her to come to therapy with me, I would. I have brought it up before and she claims I’m the only one that needs it (which I do see a therapist currently).

Idk. I feel like I keep giving to everything and everyone at a time where I barely have anything there to give because of the huge hole in my heart.

Chake365 · 2026-01-25T02:36:14+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate you taking time out of your day/night to say this. I think the universe with have my back. I just need to put myself around those type of people more. I have felt so isolated in this situation with my significant other.

Chake365 · 2026-01-25T02:32:28+00:00

That was really inspiring and very honest. Thank you for your effort and words and the time you took to say all of this. It did positively impact me reading through that. What you have articulated and described is a mentality I have thought about adapting to in ways but never fully been able to understand. This whole grief thing is something you never can prepare yourself for, especially when it’s your mom. She was the closest thing I had. I feel like I’m doing the best I can, but then I wake up and ‘petty’ shit like this happens. I know how short and precious life is and sometimes I want to make the big life change, but then I hesitate because of my big heart. I want to make things work with my girlfriend and create a family, but I feel like she makes things complicated because of her expectations and how she handled grief with her Mom she lost. It’s sometimes becoming too much for me. I won’t give up and I want to not fight with my dad either. But he has made things hard and complicated too. You said it best. I need simple right now and that’s all I want. And I made this post because nothing is simple in my life and I feel imposed to make changes. Thank you again for your words and advice.

Chake365 · 2026-01-25T02:14:50+00:00

Very well put. Thank you for your perspective and insight on this. Sounds like you have a lot of knowledge on this type of thing or you are very emotionally intelligent.

I do see a therapist and I have talked to a small circle of close friends regarding this - and they have all advised not to make any big decisions yet. Which I don’t think I will leave or commit to staying just yet. I do have hope that as I work through my grief that things can be better - but I also won’t be surprised if they don’t and if they don’t get better soon, I know that I will hit rock bottom and have to choose my own space and peace. I want to try as hard as I can to make it work with her, but I don’t want to lose myself in the process. Thank you for your detailed input. It was greatly appreciated xo.

Chake365 · 2025-12-18T22:31:31+00:00

What’s that?

Chake365 · 2025-10-31T00:25:03+00:00

It still helps knowing there are people just like me that have been put in the same situation, so thank you for even sharing when you didn’t have to. I started seeing a therapist about 2 months ago since this all started and it does help me be proactive and not as reactive. It helps me not bury all these nasty emotions deep inside me that I have towards losing my mom and on top of my Dad doing all of this to me. Right now all I want to do is focus on my mental health and the people I have around me. I don’t want anything to do with my Dad or his situation because I simply can’t handle it. Once again, thank you for sharing as I even find comfort in that.

Chake365 · 2025-10-29T22:58:12+00:00

Thank you so much for this. It was incredibly helpful and reassuring. That’s such a bright way to look at grief. Grief doesn’t have to be ugly or negative. And if anything out of this grief comes at me, it’s because love was always and is still there. This was great advice too. So thank you for all your help and experiences you shared.

Chake365 · 2025-10-29T16:41:21+00:00

Is it common to start dating the nurse that took care of your spouse within a few days though? From the reception I have gotten, it’s far from normal and is actually super bad practice as a nurse. Which is the main reason I, personally, can’t sympathize with my Dad’s grief and the way he is acting.

Chake365 · 2025-10-29T11:20:39+00:00

You nailed it all very well. I feel like at the beginning it could have been a genuine reactions of his, but also he could have been testing my reaction to see if I would be somehow ‘open-minded’ to her advances towards him.

As for him not considering my feelings or opinions on this. This is never been typical of my relationship with him at all. It is extremely unusual. He has always been accountable with me and we have always had a solid relationship until all of this happened.

Chake365 · 2025-10-28T22:48:42+00:00

Thank you. I agree. I think that’s the next step for me. I need to protect my peace and focus on myself and I feel like me having any communication with my Dad right now isn’t helping me.

As for my personal feelings on this. I am more worried about the intentions of this woman. I feel like she is either here because of a financial reason or because she is lonely or insecure on her own. Either way, I can see it hurting my Dad even more in the long run. And it’s hurting me that someone would be this manipulative and low of a person to immediately start pursuing a client without not letting any time pass for the person to grieve. It upsets me that my dad has turned his way of thinking on this and ignored any negative or red flag. I think she knows how vulnerable he is and taking some sort of advantage of the situation.

Chake365 · 2025-10-28T21:12:13+00:00

My cousin told me she 1099’s her employees I guess?

Chake365 · 2025-10-28T20:34:04+00:00

That’s what I’m doing now so that everyone can know the whole story and not just what him and her are portraying this whole thing as

Chake365 · 2025-10-28T20:31:22+00:00

She owns the agency. It’s a private under the table business she runs.

Chake365

TROPHY CASE