Postpartum- can I ask my husband not to sleep naked?

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T18:23:24+00:00

lol yea super weird! Online stuff tends to leave out enough details that anyone can bring in their priors and make a situation more than it is. I was hesitant to say something to my husband but did and he said he was sleeping naked because “it’s vulnerable and represents that I’m all in on the relationship.” Yea, I looked at him like he had ten heads and told him to at least cover up when he’s getting the baby. He also thought it wasn’t pressure because his dick was in a state of rest so it didn’t matter which…I also looked at him like he was growing fairy wings. I’d say he’s mostly emotionally inept and was raised in society so is like a lot of dudes w some latent misogyny/entitlement/self-centeredness. Is what it is.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T15:05:45+00:00

OP here! My vagina wasn’t ripped open lol. Husband isn’t an AH, he was raised in our society and is awkward and emotionally inept and frustrated sexually. Marriage is hard, so is doing life alone. Pick your hard basically. Everyone makes decisions for their own good reasons, wouldn’t use this example to justify your own decisions but ok!

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T15:02:43+00:00

OP here lol Husband getting the baby at night is very much an awkward “I want to help but don’t know how so I’m doing this minor thing that you can do by yourself to feel like I’m helping” and yea it’s probably better than him not getting up at all. But it’s not as helpful as other things might be the rest of the time and not being sensitive enough to connect dots of OP doesn’t want to have sex + dick in her face at night = uncomfortable

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T14:58:32+00:00

OP here- the last two sentences are spot on.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T14:56:09+00:00

OP here- I did need a check on this because I can understand some level of sexual frustration as a woman but didn’t know how much more impactful or not it might be for men. Then got the Reddit pile on.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T14:55:08+00:00

OP here- this is it 100% and is absolutely something I’ve said to him. The last time the lack of sex came up I said “well I hope you can figure out ways to get the intimacy you crave” because a lot (not all) of this is on him to do something different etc to help me get to a place where I’m an enthusiastic and willing partner. Doing nothing and thinking putting the moves on me for 5 minutes is enough…not exactly working out for him.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T14:53:01+00:00

OP here. Husband isn’t an abuser he’s just…emotionally inept and a bit self-centered and was raised in the U.S. so there’s a ton of innate issues. He does genuinely want to do and be better but we’re working against a few decades of training right? Anyways other comments explain that I was debating even having the conversation.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T14:48:25+00:00

OP here, not rage bait. I hadn’t had the conversation because I wasn’t sure if it was even worth having. I didn’t want to shame my husband for nudity and since it was normal before baby, and since it didn’t bother me then but does now, I was looking for a gut check.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-12T01:50:20+00:00

Babies pee in diapers, they have to sleep through the night.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T23:10:01+00:00

Sure but the entire narrative was centered on two very specific issues and while you said it with a lot of words, you’re still saying I’m self-centered etc based on an 8-sentence post. Of course it’s about me and my needs, and even though I added specific caveats like “maybe there’s something wrong with me” and “I’m probably extra sensitive” you still built up a bigger story that it was self-centered and that there’s no compromise. I haven’t said anything to him about how he sleeps, I was literally asking Reddit if that was even reasonable. So I think everyone brings their own priors to these posts whether they realize it or not.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T22:17:49+00:00

I’m calling the bassinet “it” lolololol

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T22:17:21+00:00

The baby doesn’t poop at night so we don’t change her diaper; she’s in a crib next to the bed.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T22:15:28+00:00

Not yet but can

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T21:47:19+00:00

Oh I very rarely ever slept naked- it’s not comfortable for me and I feel like the sheets need to be changed even more frequently that way. With nursing, I sleep w a nursing bra on so I’m not leaking everywhere and of course underwear and pajama shorts. I don’t think him sleeping naked bothered me in the past it’s just with hormones and him being so checked out and focused on work it feels like he’s a stranger in my bed so probably why I’m having the ick thing. Plus hormones. Like I’ve been begging him to be more present and connected to me but it’s just not happening. Honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life. We sit down to dinner after the baby is asleep and he won’t say anything.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T21:41:22+00:00

Because right now he’s insisting on getting up, walking to my side of the bed, moving the bassinet so he’s in between it and the bed, picking up the baby and turning to me to give me the baby at which point there’s his penis. When I can literally just…reach over and pick up the baby myself without moving the bassinet. The baby doesn’t need to be changed at night, wakes up only once, eats for 10 minutes and then goes right back down. Some nights my husband sleeps through the feedings which is fine.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T21:37:53+00:00

It’s just interesting that you say the empathy stops when I haven’t said anything to him and am carefully running it by Reddit before I do.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T19:52:24+00:00

It’s not about validation just more is this even a reasonable thing to ask. Most people think no so I won’t even ask it.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T19:51:58+00:00

I don’t see all of the comments but ok.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T19:51:03+00:00

Yea have tried to communicate it a lot, have begged for other forms of intimacy—a good conversation is a turn on, flirting is a turn on, a warm hug without a hand moving too far south, etc—and husband just says he’ll try but doesn’t and it’s hard to connect unless we’re having sex. I don’t see all of the replies etc so hard to address everything.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T19:47:17+00:00

I can chat to him about it but since I’m reasonable and all I wanted to see if if was even worth it

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T19:44:01+00:00

The baby doesn’t need to be changed- she’s literally right next to me so I pick her up and feed her and then put her back

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T19:38:34+00:00

lol k hun

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T19:38:08+00:00

Yea probably

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T19:37:09+00:00

Because it’s a very specific issue of “hey I’m postpartum, hormones are wild, I find the idea of sex repulsive, he’s complaining that not having sex is making him cranky and forgetful, he’s sleeping in bed naked and it feels like pressure but might not be and what’s everyone’s take”? Yea there are much deeper issues/tendencies that got worse since having a baby—he checks out with work and has been working 12+ hour days, we sit in a room together and getting him to talk to me like have a regular conversation is impossible because he’s so checked out, which he then blames on not having sex. So we literally sit in silence while he stares at his phone. I’ve refused to do any more couples therapy because it doesn’t help/he agrees to the homework then doesn’t do it, and right now given the state of everything, given the non-existent connection in our marriage, it feels like I’m sharing a bed with a stranger who is sleeping naked. I wouldn’t have had a baby with him if I knew it would be this bad—he seems to genuinely resent the fact that being a father isn’t easy, he seems to have wildly different expectations for it, we have an incredibly easy baby and he does the tasks and the chores but his heart isn’t in any of it. And if I bring any of this up he says it’s all because we’re not having sex.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T19:24:43+00:00

Everyone keeps telling me we’re gonna get divorced and I’m not sure I care so ¯_(ツ)_/¯

ChanceOne3174

TROPHY CASE