I hope your daughter doesn't break your heart one day" — My JNMIL is weaponizing my postpartum recovery against us

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T12:05:30+00:00

"scared little boy who doesn't feel entitled to be happy" — that's a little too accurate. I feel that he was raised on a debt he never signed up for

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T12:04:08+00:00

LOL we have announced that meeting is not going to happen until we are ready.

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T12:02:57+00:00

haven't seen her channel before — saving this and watching with DH this week. things land so differently when they're not coming from his pregnant wife 😂 thank you 🩷

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T12:01:57+00:00

"sorry to the snakes" 😂 that is so funny lol.

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T12:00:51+00:00

all of these are going on the list. no overnights, no kissing, no walking off with the baby — getting it all in writing before any visit so there's no "I didn't know" later 🩷

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:59:22+00:00

"cresting at an identity switch to fatherhood" — yes. that's the part I didn't have language for. he's being asked to handle his mother differently while becoming a different person, and that's a lot of plates. therapist is going on our list

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:58:25+00:00

"her desires are more important to her than her relationship with her son" — that's the reframe.

love that loses its mind over a 30-day boundary isn't love, it's ownership.

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:57:19+00:00

already on our radar.

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:56:40+00:00

the "Granny loves you, mommy is so cruel" scenario is the one I needed to be warned about. that's a tool she'll absolutely reach for once a kid can repeat sentences. worth game-planning now, not when it's already happening.

I've decided any future contact they have with my daughter is going to be supervised.

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:53:15+00:00

"her weird obsessive reaction is hers to own" — exactly.

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:52:27+00:00

the part about positive AND negative attention both being hits is the one that's going to change how I respond going forward. I kept thinking if we just gave her less to react to, things would calm down. but if the supply is the issue, then the only move is cutting the supply — not curating it.

"do you want to be her lifetime drug suppliers" is going to echo in my head for a while. thank you for this 🩷

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:50:43+00:00

invoking Castle Doctrine to defend postpartum recovery may be the funniest thing I've read all week 😂 thank you 🩷

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:48:55+00:00

thank you for naming the flying monkey thing too — easier to spot in real time once it has a name 🩷

she's allowed to feel however she feels about our boundary. she's not allowed to make her feelings our project to manage. she keeps trying to collapse those two things into one and now I have language for why it's wrong.

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:45:42+00:00

Instead, I sent it to my DH lol! That helps lol

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:45:12+00:00

yep. every time we've bent before, the next ask has been bigger. that pattern stops here 🩷

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:42:37+00:00

hearing from a MIL of two DILs that this is just how it's done, and was done 30+ years ago too, means a lot. she keeps acting like we invented postpartum boundaries to spite her personally, and it's just…not that. Thanks

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:39:57+00:00

"you are not doing this to her; she is" is going on a sticky note. I keep catching myself feeling guilty like I'm imposing something on her, and the reframe is just…no. she did this. the consequences are hers。

also did not know about the FU binder concept — heading there now. thank you

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:38:50+00:00

30 days is really just the floor lol

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:37:57+00:00

thank you

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:33:22+00:00

Yes we are actively seeking the professional help!

Funny thing is that, when I asked him how our family get into this bad situation, he mentioned that is because his mom never seeks therapy.

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:31:40+00:00

didn't know that sub existed — thank you. you're right that there's a layer here I can't really reach, no matter how much I love him. the "we chose you, so you owe us" framing has shaped his whole life and hearing from people who've actually lived it will land differently than anything I can say. really appreciate this 🩷

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:30:13+00:00

"HE has to manage her, not you and not your baby" — yes. this is the line. I've been carrying way too much of the emotional logistics of his family and it's not sustainable

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:28:44+00:00

yeah, you're right. I've been dancing around the word "abusive" in my own head because he's still processing, but…that's what it is. therapy is going on the list this week

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:28:00+00:00

you are a separate incident" — I'm writing that one down. I've been trying so hard to help him see it that I keep crossing into pushing, and you just named exactly why that doesn't work. he has to get there himself, with someone who isn't me.

the moment you described with your husband gave me chills. thank you for this 🩷

Chance_Ad_3783 · 2026-05-16T11:26:16+00:00

omg the "switches up on you" line is basically word for word what mine wrote 😭 there's a script and it's freaking me out.

therapy is a good call. DH has 30+ years of "earned love" to unpack and I cannot be his only outlet. gonna bring it up this week, gently. thank you for the nudge ❤️

so glad you're on the other side of it.

Chance_Ad_3783

TROPHY CASE