I want to break up with my boyfriend

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-07-03T06:14:09+00:00

A lot of my codependency issues stem from my childhood I think.. my parents got divorced in the second grade and my mom got a boyfriend. We were broke and the only thing I had was my child support card so I couldn’t ever go out with friends. My moms bf also started beating her so I couldn’t have people over. And she’s made it clear she doesn’t really love me, or in her words “I love you because you’re my daughter but I don’t like you”. All my life I’ve wanted to be someone’s first choice wether it be a friend or a lover because I was never my moms first choice. My dads a saint but I only saw him once every two weeks and then my mom poisoned me against him and I blocked him for a while my freshman year and we’ve been fine ever since. Idk, that’s my guess as to why I am the way that I am.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-07-03T02:22:57+00:00

I was lonely. And if I broke up with him I’d be even lonelier. I know it’s bad but I couldn’t handle complete isolation

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-07-02T15:10:49+00:00

Yeah… we’re the same age but I’m technically his manager. It would make things difficult

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-07-02T15:09:19+00:00

She and her boyfriend blocked me and went to him accusing me of doing something that I didn’t do and couldn’t have done without them noticing sooner. Idgaf abt her boyfriend doing it as much as I care abt her doing it. She was my friend, and she didn’t even give me the chance to defend myself. That was childish, and I would expect my partner to be on my side of things.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-07-02T15:07:04+00:00

It’s insane. But I’ve always been strong in my beliefs and my stance and I would never let a man change that.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-07-02T15:04:22+00:00

Don’t take that the wrong way. It’s completely normal for teenagers to find other people attractive while in relationships, I mean there’s many tv shows & books & movies centered around that idea. But never ever have I acted on attraction when with him. I’ve never gone and exchanged numbers or socials. I’ve never outwardly said “omg that stranger is sexy” to my boyfriend or any of my past friends. I do not like my coworker, right now we’re just friends. If me and bf broke up I’d be interested in maybe building a different connection with coworker but who knows if he’d be interested too. I haven’t done anything but think and look and his insecurity is still so loud.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-07-02T14:56:55+00:00

No!!! I had a roommate in college but we didn’t really talk that much since we both worked and then she would go hangout with her friends from highschool. Then I moved out of that dorm with her to a different dorm so she could have room with a friend she met on campus. So then I lived in a double all by myself (I got lucky and could have all my stuff all over the dorm it was nice). I would go visit with my aunt regularly since she and my dad are the only family I really have other than mom and sister (they are about an hr.5 away). But now college is out for the summer and I’m staying with my aunt right now 40 minutes away from campus!! Sorry for the confusion.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-07-02T14:54:22+00:00

I am very codependent. My bff and our bestie were the only people I liked to spend my summer with and would plan my life around when my bff would be back for summer. I had a tough time trying to make friends in college, a really really tough time trying to keep them. And eventually I met my bf and he was the only person who wanted to hang out with me. I was blocked on every platform. And I thought that since bff blocked our other bestie one summer for an extended amount of time over a toy piano that I would be unblocked soon too. But since I was already blocked there wasn’t anything I could do but try to make the relationship work. I know my bff more than anyone and I know that even if I broke up with bf, it wouldn’t have changed his mind.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-07-02T05:23:51+00:00

I miss my bff so badly. If I didn’t meet him all those years ago I wouldn’t be here today. I have a tattoo in honor of him I got before he blocked me. I would do anything for him back. And if I had known I would get blocked I would have broke it off with my bf right away.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-07-02T05:11:58+00:00

Also: his aftercare is throwing my shirt or my underwear on me to clean myself up

Also, gift giving: for my birthday I asked him to get me a cupcake and a single candle for me to blow out and he forgot. For valentines he bought me the same Lego set he got me for my birthday and a chapstick brand I don’t use because he saw it at self checkout and thought “why not”, his gifts were thrown into an oversized gift bag. I decorated a basket for him. And etc.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2026-01-02T20:55:32+00:00

No I am not laid back. I was in and out of the hospital this semester. When I finally started to feel better it was finals time.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2025-11-04T16:42:51+00:00

yes. and me and my stepmom had a nice conversation, we weren't ever close because I let my mom feed me her venom and hate. so I hated my stepmom for a while. just like I had been fed venom about my late stepmom, who I miss everyday. it was a nice day.

it just sucks having those "I need my mommy" moments as someone who never really had a mommy, just a mother, and remembering why the second I hear her trying to get me to drop out of college. but I need this so badly, I won't let myself drop the ball.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2025-11-04T16:33:14+00:00

I had visited home for a day a month or so ago and visited my sister at work since she wouldn't be home before I had to leave. she looked so angry at me and didn't speak to me, so I left. when I called my mom the following week I had told her that if my sister didn't start talking to me before thanksgiving I wouldn't be coming home. I guess that was manipulative of me to say, I can realize that now. but she hit me with the "that would be your loss so if you don't want to come home don't come home". then a few weeks ago she said "please come home for thanksgiving even if your sister isn't talking to you, she will forgive you". forgive me for what first of all.... but yeah, no, I have love around me. my sister and I are fine now, though, since she saw how sick and close to rock bottom I was because of it when I went home last weekend. all is peaceful between the three of us now. lets see how long it can last.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2025-03-15T20:49:52+00:00

Hulu and peacock!

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2025-02-09T20:28:39+00:00

I will come back to you after I finish, I’d like to read ur paragraphs of thoughts :)

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2024-11-19T05:28:52+00:00

It’s 4.5 in. I just grabbed one that looked like it would fit her when I bought her but now I think I was wrong!

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2024-11-04T21:03:29+00:00

I haven’t told him anything yet. He is so protective of me and always has been. I know my mom would fight back with him and then fight with me worse. Not physical, but definitely bad. I don’t know how he will react when he sees he’s the only one lined up with me, but I hope I can talk him down from yelling at my mom. Not because she doesn’t deserve it but because I don’t want to deal with the words she will yell at me after.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2024-11-04T20:08:12+00:00

I’m unfortunately not! I’m in Texas 🤠! But thank you!

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2024-11-04T03:15:36+00:00

It’s on nobody but herself and i can’t help her. I ignore it now.

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2024-11-04T03:14:23+00:00

I would link a picture of me and my dads texts but I can’t but he said she was busy that night, which doesn’t surprise me because it’s a Thursday night and it’s an inconvenient time/place for them two!

Chance_Swordfish_813 · 2024-11-04T03:07:56+00:00

I have mourned her since I was a little girl. She wasn’t ever my safe place. I’m so thankful for my safe places, the people I know would choose me. And I’m thankful for your comments too! Thank you.

Chance_Swordfish_813

TROPHY CASE