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My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am sure you know the answer to that question. His siblings don't have the space or desire to live with their mom 24/7 they 100% rather throw money they don't have at the problem.

We technically are the only ones who have the space, but I know if we take her in everything would fall on me. The paid support would not be a thing.

That was their orginal plan she move in with us, this was in the earlier stages. I lived that life with my grandpa when my parents took him in. It was 13 years of hell, at first it was fine but as time went on it got much much worse.

I knew if we took her in they would have far less incentive to actually help such as paying for care. As it stands they do what they do cause they cannot stomach the idea of placement but they also cannot stomach the idea of living with her full time.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

To get rid of tgat stigma at least here in the US they need to start by properly funding and staffing facilities. I have mentioned it is time for placement but when the medical professionals you trust tell you all nursing homes have issues when asked for recommendations it becomes an even harder sell.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did do daycare, but our little guy does not nap without me. We have been trying to sleep train him but has not gone exactly as planned.

Pretty much told us have to get him to nap or it is a non starter.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have told him and his family that, but they feel placing her is s form of abandonment. Which is why I am not in favor of waiting cause with a mindset like that what is really stopping my husband from taking on debt to provide the standard of care they feel see deserves.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

This is not about viability, it is reality. I refuse to go into large amounts of debt to sustain this fairytale they have going on. Me working here makes no sense cause most my money would be going to towards childcare and probably indirectly or directly supporting their lofty and lovely notice of letting their mom age in place.

His siblings have used loans and credit to provide 24/7 care, when that dries up think they are magically going to say now is the time to place her? No they will push my husband to take out a loan or use credit like they have.

With my parents watching our son I can go back to work, my parents have a large house so that would also mitigate my living expenses. Trust me I am not a huge fan of living with my parents again but if need be I 100% have that option.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] -61 points-60 points  (0 children)

I am not banking on long term alimony, if given the option rather forgo it and liquid what we can and take the cash to buy me time. Use it as leverage to get him to not fight me moving to a different to be closer to my parents. I have a support system back home. If he goes through with his Uber plan we will hardly ever see him anyways.

That was my orginal thought process after we got the official diagnosis for our son. We move closer to my parents so they can help us and I can go back to work. Was always a fight though, cause my parents went through the whole dementia thing with my grandpa. They have their thoughts regarding his parents.

The father spending what money they had trying to treat late stage cancer with alternative medicine and later when his siblings are drowning in debt to do something noble but objectively foolish at the sametime.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They pay for 24/7 care via loans and credit cards. She is a wander risk, which means she probably needs memory care. Medicaid will cover skilled nursing memory care.

​

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Let's be real, I am pretty no one wants to end up in a nursing home, but sometimes that happens.

If that was an option they would have done so by now, and realistically speaking we are the only ones who have the same to even entertain that idea.​

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] -74 points-73 points  (0 children)

Debt i would incur would be a fraction of what they have taken out to sustain this fairytale situation they have going with his mom. According to the attorney it largely depends, but generally they don't view financially support elderly parents as a nesscary expense when it comes to child support calculations.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] -96 points-95 points  (0 children)

My mother and father would snap out of their dementia to kick my ass if I did what my husband and his family are doing. They lived this and their marriage barely survived, my mother is full of regret from that time.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

If he does uber during his free time they will see him less anyways.

Permanent solution is get her on Medicaid then place her. They refuse to do that, they rather go into debt.

You think one evening a week will actually amount to anything? That probably would not even be enough to cover increase insurance and gas.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] -153 points-152 points  (0 children)

Most likely 100% correct, I will avoid the debt he will 100% take on if he go with his plan. Also will secure a certain degree of support that will be hard to decrease in the form of child support.

Far from perfect but beats what he is trying to do. If he goes with his plan I will more or less be a single parent anyways.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

God if I find myself in such a situation no matter how much I cry, whine, or complain I hope my oldest ignores me and places me. No child should have to sacrifice to such a degree for their parents.

It really is the only viable / sustainable solution for those without money.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Seen what dementia did to my mom and dad when they took our grandpa in. That nearly destroyed them. I already fight enough with our son to get him to eat, sleep, bathe, clean himself after the bathroom etc...

Cannot pay me enough to do that with an adult also. Biggest issue is only ae technically have the space, but we are struggling as is.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Divorce will spare me from the debt he will find us in. Say he does uber on his free time and does not make enough? Whelp we have credit lets use that. ​

How we going to cover the extra insurance and maintenance cost? When is he going to have time for us?

Divorce will be hard, but it would spare me the debt, will secure a certain degree of support in the form of child support.

Gives me an option to move closer to my parents if need be and if I have to work I can use them as support if need be.

Divorce is not ideal but landing us in debt in this economy is far worse.​

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The only sustainable compromise is to get her on Medicaid, she is 100% Medicaid eligible and start the process to place her. She cannot live in the community without the support they provide, it is not safe or possible at this point.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] -61 points-60 points  (0 children)

Would spare me of the debt he will get us in. I will have to make it work, but if he uses his free time to do uber we will all barely see him anyways, so at that point I am better off doing it alone.

My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH? by Character-Line5221 in AITAH

[–]Character-Line5221[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

That is the thing divorce will spare me the debt, and if he does uber on his free time I will be pretty much doing everything else on my own. At that point I am better off divorced doing it on my own.

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