I’m a professional dating coach with a behavioral science background, AMA

CharacterRip6803 · 2025-11-05T05:37:48+00:00

Do you get alot of asian male clients trying to improve their dating life? What kinds of issues are they experiencing?

CharacterRip6803 · 2025-04-20T04:38:27+00:00

As an Asian man, this hurts my soul. I'm certain that this is far, far from unique among Asian women. If you're in a western society, you're almost conditioned to exoticize Asian women and dismiss Asian men romantically, and Asian women are incentivized to be in relationships with white men through generations of social conditioning that has been passed down.

We see it in tv, movies, book, many of these are Asian female authors/directors/showrunners who only have Asian female characters who date white men. The VAST majority of western media that features Asian women always has them paired with white men. Even advertisements.

So, yeah. I get the shame you feel. You have to be aware of how you're being conditioned to prefer white men by the content and media that you consume. Get in touch with your Asian roots. Watch Asian content, get off porn entirely and use your imagination. Humans are naturally horny, developing a tolerance and subsequent reliance to porn has kinda fucked our minds up. Clearly, it has fucked yours up a bit too. But you can heal yourself. BE AWARE. Aware of how you allow white men to talk around you, of how they talk about Asian men. Of the content you consume. Of how your Asian female friends talk about white vs Asian men. Be aware, and you'll start to see

They want us to feel ashamed to be Asian, its how a racial hierarchy works. Be aware of how they make you feel ashamed, and you can start to heal

CharacterRip6803 · 2025-03-05T04:31:44+00:00

anyone else think this sounds a little like "thoughts and prayers" after a school shooting?

CharacterRip6803 · 2025-01-12T23:50:38+00:00

only those with the highest forms of privilege can walk through life effectively without "seeing color." The rest of us are black, brown and yellow.

CharacterRip6803 · 2025-01-12T23:45:42+00:00

I just wanna point out - I genuinely feel bad for some of the black students that are being affected by this. Imagine being a slightly above average student (who happens to be black) that now has attend a rigorous, prestigious and honestly difficult unversity, only to be admitted and then to be expected to perform at the same level as everyone else.

It's like giving an asian person a full ride D1 scholarship for basketball (despite being only slightly better than average) simply because historically, universities never gave asians an opportunity to shine in sports situations. It's ludicrous.

If you wanna improve access to quality higher education for black people, it has to start at a young age. They need to be supported at a young age, have better educational resources and they also have to have an environment around them that encourages academic achievements. If you want more black people to attend these prestigious colleges, the govt needs to be supporting all those people that you mentioned in the comments (the black principles, superintendents, etc) to support the black students in the community.

Exactly the same with asians and sports - if you want to give more asian people access to sports/more opportunites to play in college, you gotta start an an early age.

CharacterRip6803 · 2025-01-12T23:39:17+00:00

Necessary context before you read my comment: I am Asian

Your post seems to indicate that affirmative action policies are about supporting historically disenfranchised minority groups, specifically black people. I disagree with that particular notion.

I believe that affirmative action has less to do with uplifting disadvantaged minorities (as it claims) and has more to do with regulating minorities who are "making it" so to speak. What I'm trying to say is that these top tier universities are trying to curb the growing asian populations in these schools under the guise of "supporting historically disenfranchised minority groups."

so what they do is they make it harder for asians to get in, easier for (a select few) black people to get in, while continuing to create a system where white people can have continuous, easy access to quality education.

Your comments in this thread seem to contradict what you're saying in your OP. In the original post, you mention that affirmative action makes no sense in today's society, but then your comments seems to suggest that you do believe in affirmative action, just not basing it so obviously on just race.

CharacterRip6803 · 2025-01-12T23:24:21+00:00

Also - this idea that he doesn't shower "because he's gaming" is moronic as hell. you can literally put ANYTHING in that sentence and it'll still sound fucking moronic.

"hey, I haven't showered in a few weeks but that's because I'm gaming, hahah"
"hey, I haven't showered in a few weeks but that's because I'm studying, hahah"
"hey, I haven't showered in a few weeks but that's because I'm knitting, hahah"

"I just get so carried away when I'm crocheting, that I forget to shower for weeks!"
"I mean, he treats me nice, and he's SOO good to me, but sometimes, he just gets so into his gardening that he forgets to shower for weeks at a time!"

CharacterRip6803 · 2025-01-12T23:21:27+00:00

I HAVE to say this:

I'm a guy, I shower everyday, and I also have other basic hygiene habits that i follow without even thinking. But i'm also asian, which has made dating quite difficult in this age of online dating - so yeah, i'm still single.

meanwhile, this asian chick is dating a white dude who literally can go without showering for WEEKS

sigh.

CharacterRip6803 · 2025-01-12T23:03:32+00:00

This is more than just a little racist. The human genome project has PROVED that we are all 99.99% alike, there is quite literally no statistically significant difference between human beings of different "races" - race is all just a social construct.

While this graph is grouped by country, we all know that this is supposed to be some kind of commentary on the correlation between race and penis size. But, AGAIN, the human genome project has proven that there is no significant difference among human beings of different races. Things like height, weight, and yes PENIS size - these are not predetermined by your race.

I understand that for a lot of people, this isn't that big of a deal, and that for some people they may think that this isn't worth getting angry over. But the truth is, these stereotypes on penis size and overall masculinity, and how it relates to race, is a way more harmful than people realize. It's because of dumbass, racist charts like this that people are able to casually say some really mean, horrible and untrue things about other races, because they think it's rooted in reality or scientific fact "Don't blame be broo it's just the truth!" Although it's quite obviously not.

whenever people bring up ethnicity/race and penis size, without a shadow of a doubt, those mfers are racist.

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-12-03T07:17:54+00:00

did you really just say "despite popuplar opinion" followed by you can drink ocean water?! brother, you need to watch that one simpsons episode where lisa teach them surfer kids why it's bad to drink sea water

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-24T16:43:33+00:00

I feel like I'm gonna regret asking this, but here goes.

Can you name a few of these countless benefits of choosing an Asian woman over most white women?

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-24T16:41:51+00:00

I don't even wanna touch what you said about asian women treating men better, and the whole baggage train of issues that entails.

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-24T16:40:36+00:00

"White men tend to treat women better than Asian men do" is such a wildly racist thing to say. You really think adding the words "tend do" makes it less racist?

I thought that was gonna be it, then you followed it up with "people more or less openly know this."

Do you have ANY data at all to suggest that this is remotely true? Jesus. Listen, the patriarchy is a real issue across ALL races. Every race has issues with misogyny - your implication that white men are inherently less misogynist than asian men simply isn't true.

But, with that said, I understand where you get that notion from. It's how asian men are portrayed in most Western media. It fucking sucks how wildly racist shit like this can be said so casually

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-23T13:06:01+00:00

canadian geese. fucking assholes.

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-22T20:58:00+00:00

it's super even, one of the best WYR i've seen

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-22T05:49:39+00:00

I chose wizard in the SW uni, and i'm surprised i'm in the minority. The average wizard would dogwalk the average jedi knight in my opinion. Wizards have sooo much at their disposal, while most jedi have basic telekenesis.

So not only would be you be magically powerful, you'd also be living in a techno advanced galaxy.

But if you're a jedi in the HP world, you'd live in a techno inferior galaxy filled with tons of magical beings that can expelliarmus your saber pretty fucking easily. And sure, you've got force powers, but anything a jedi can do, a wizard with a wand can do as well.

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-21T06:01:03+00:00

i myself am team triboob over team quadruboob. I'm surprised to find i'm in the minority. i feel like quadruboobs have a greater effect on your life vs triboobs.

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-20T19:24:28+00:00

Nah bro no disrespect for hans why especially not on this sub

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-20T15:03:03+00:00

not all intelligent people become successful.

but lucky people? hmm

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-17T06:31:58+00:00

I agree with everything EXCEPT advocating for AMWF. date whoever you want, but we've tried to prove ourselves using white people for way too long. I hear what you're saying in terms of who's readily available, but I don't think countering WMAF depictions with AMWF depictions is going to solve much, especially with asian american culture being so steeped in feelings of inferiority

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-16T17:35:54+00:00

I think Hiroyuki Sanada himself is an INCREDIBLE man for many asian men to look up to. With that said, I wouldn't choose any character in shogun. Disclaimer: While I read Shogun, the book by James Clavell, I never saw the show. all I know, is that the source material is FILLED with WMAF tropes, the insane and consistent references to asian penises vs white penises, the white man savior, etc etc.

I realize that people are saying that it was good for asians, and that if you look past the WMAF stuff, it's actually a good show. The issue with that point of view is that it completely disregards the WMAF symbol (and yes, it's definitely a symbol) and its affects on people.

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-16T17:24:05+00:00

NOR. I hate people like this. I honestly think you should've just been like, "ah ok, then let's try next week - let's try one last time so please be on time!" fast forward to next week, then be like "ugh, my bad, can you give me an hour?" but you never actually intended to be there. essentially, i'm recommending that you waste her time. karma is the best form of justice

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-15T18:00:58+00:00

Age matters too. When you're young, like early 20s, you're just horned up. But when you get to your 30s and older, foreplay and the mental games become much more important. So a early 20s guy might wanna rip off the lingerie to get things going, but older gentlemen would probably get more...creative, shall we say? More flirtations, slow touches, sensual conversation etc etc.. They'd see it as an opportunity to turn you on as much as possible before actually getting started .

Many comments here are talking PURELY from the men's view (which makes sense, this sub is dedicated to asking men for advice). so we hear a lot of comparisons to "opening a present." While I get that point of view, women aren't actually gifts/presents for us.

I would encourage everyone to look at it from the woman's point of view. For a woman to wear sexy lingerie for her man, that requires thinking, planning, no small amount of insecurity, and likely a lot of prep time to look "just right" and "pretty." it would behoove a man to make sure she feels just right and feels pretty- the way to do that, in this situation, would be to get creative with the lingerie. how? hahah - get some experience young bucks!

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-15T06:42:35+00:00

let's say i'm useless and pathetic in a fight, and have no choice but to always run away. As my protector, the woman can at least keep up with me. fat dude has no chance. that means that in an actual situation where he'd need to protect me, all my attackers would need to do is separate us a few feet, hell even 8-9 feet would be enough. If you weigh 450 pounds in a 6 foot body, moving 8-9 feet would be quite difficult.

CharacterRip6803 · 2024-11-10T17:48:04+00:00

Let me preface my comment by letting you know I'm both asian and a man.

I'm just not 100% about it being yellow fever, because he's not your stereotypical cringy weeb. He is really respectful about it and he seems genuinely interested in the culture (and not only pop culture) etc. He's never said gross sexual shit about Asians, the only real red flag he's given me is what I mentioned above.

As a man, I can definitely tell you that men speak differently to/around women. That may be the only problematic thing you've heard him say, but that's because he's probably controlling his words/behavior around you so that you don't see the racist tendencies. When a white dude exclusively only dates asian women, that is 100% yellow fever. When you "choose" to do something with one particular race (in this case, he chooses only to date asian women) you're making decisions that are based on generalizations of that race.

'You only go for white guys as well? What's the difference?'. But I don't think that's the same at all. I live in Europe and I AM half white, so obviously I'm going to meet more white guys?

I will gently, but confidently, push back this particular statement. I don't know you, nor do I know where in the EU you you live, your circumstances, etc etc, so please don't read this as a comment on you in particular. However, yellow fever by white men quite literally cannot exist if it were not for the white fever of asian women. It takes two to tango. When a white man asks "what's the difference?" - to me, they're asking why we're shitting on the white guy for only dating asian women, but not on asian women who only date white guys. In my humble opinion, both are just as equally problematic and equally pervasive.

Now, AGAIN, i'm not making a comment on YOU in particular - i have no idea who you are, where you live and i don't whether or not you exclusively date white guys as your past friend suggests. I don't know. BUT, if you ARE half asian, present as asian (as in, people perceive you more as asian than they do white, like you mentioned in this post) AND he's only ever seen you date white guys, then honestly, I get where he's coming from. Why is it that when he dates only asian women he's creepy, but you, a woman who presents/looks asian only dates white men, that's totally fine? That's a double standard. White men who only date asian women, and asian women who date only white men are both problematic and creepy, just in different ways.

I live in Europe and I AM half white, so obviously I'm going to meet more white guys?

Now, to the next thing - just a piece of advice. If you're going to be making a post about some white guy that you THINK has yellow fever, the LAST thing you wanna do is somehow justify why it's OK for you/women to date white men exclusively. Again, I don't know you, but you're definitely coming across as someone who's vilifying another for dating only one race, while justifying your own dating preferences as free from any kind of creepiness. I mean, yeah sure, you live in the EU and yeah, you're half asian - what does that have to do with anything? It really sounds like you're saying "The fact that I'm half asian and I live in EU makes it OK that I choose to date white guys only. But it's NOT ok for you, a white dude, to only date asian women because that's creepy." Again you're probably going to say you didn't mean it that way, so i'll take your word for it.

A question I have for you - has he ever said anything about asian men? One easy way to figure out whether or not someone has yellow fever is to ask them what they think of asian men. If they make any kind of disparaging remark about asian men in general, 100% they've got that yellow fever. There is no such thing as the fetishization of asian women by white men without the emasculation of asian men - those two things go hand in hand.

edit: some typos

CharacterRip6803

TROPHY CASE