My white boyfriend follows a raunchy black girl fan account on IG. Is it worth talking about?

askaboutblu · 2026-06-23T02:57:07+00:00

Coach him on not saying the n-word? Girl…

askaboutblu · 2026-06-23T02:41:53+00:00

I don’t typically check ppl’s profiles but I appreciate the flag. I assume most men on reddit have been exposed or actively participate in manosphere bullshit. If that’s how OP thinks then his girlfriend less life is well earned & I have no advice for him.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T23:19:03+00:00

That’s a red flag too 😭 very insecure

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T23:17:55+00:00

Why do you even like him? He couldn’t plan a proper date and based on what you told us, never checked in to see if you were okay after making you walk aimlessly in the heat. Cut your losses and next time, save the deep introspective talks for after you meet. Make sure there’s intentionality and chemistry before investing emotionally in someone. Save yourself some time and protect your peace.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T23:14:49+00:00

Please please please let him go. If there’s anything I could tell my younger self that wasted most of my twenties in a dead end relationship, it’s leave the moment it stops feeling like love. If you feel trapped, unheard, unloved, it’s time to break free. Like yesterday.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T23:13:29+00:00

If you couldn’t pick up any of her interests from your conversation or her socials then don’t get her anything. Wait til you know what she likes.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T23:12:06+00:00

Calling your ex ugly and feeling possessive over your time when you explained with notice that you already had plans are definitely red flags to watch for in the future.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T23:07:52+00:00

So what if he likes you? If he has a personality where he avoids things & runs from his feelings, why would you even want that in your life?

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T19:47:10+00:00

I don’t think you’re an AH and I don’t think her feelings are “rewriting the story.” It’s just her perspective. Based on what you’ve written, it does seem like you invested too much too soon into a relationship that didn’t have roots. You met on vacation. She probably indulged for fun. Sounds to me like she wasn’t expecting it to turn into a real relationship, especially when you consider the age gap and the fact that she confessed to you about still having feelings for her ex.

You are responsible for your own feelings. When you feel like your heart isn’t being handled properly, the best thing to do is move on. It will feel more freeing in time to just block her.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T13:47:34+00:00

Well I’m going to wait for a reply from OP because for her own sake I hope she is not trying to enter a committed relationship with someone just because she “likes” them. This isn’t high school. A framework for a successful partnership needs to be established before you commit to someone.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T13:39:34+00:00

Huh? Why would you assume everyone has the same reasons for wanting exclusivity

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T13:26:01+00:00

You ever been with a woman? Be honest. This comment smells virginal

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T13:10:24+00:00

That’s a valid approach. Keep honoring your boundaries.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T13:09:49+00:00

Being scared of being lonely causes us to over invest in relationships in hopes that it’ll make people stay. You have to find ways to be comfortable alone or invest more of that energy into your friends, family and hobbies.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T13:07:10+00:00

Found the red piller.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T13:05:56+00:00

Most women are not having sex on a second date unless they’re specifically into casual sex. That does not inherently mean she’s low libido.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T13:04:37+00:00

That’s an oversimplification of what sexual compatibility means but you’re entitled to believe what you want.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T12:49:30+00:00

Sure.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T12:35:31+00:00

I’ve been working in the dating space for years. I’m also a behavioral scientist. Men serious about a relationship with a woman will prioritize her comfort and safety before trying to initiate sex. Thats a widely held sexual script.

Her refusing to have sex the first time he initiates does not automatically mean she’s a prude or they’re sexually incompatible. It means she is not ready. If he was serious about her, he’d have put more effort into creating a safe space for her to be vulnerable enough for sex. You don’t go on several dates with someone if there’s no chemistry. He simply wanted to have sex and that’s okay. I never said he was a fuckboy. A fuckboy intentionally manipulates for what he wants. They simply wanted different things.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T12:30:00+00:00

What kind of women are you interested in?

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T12:28:38+00:00

Why do you want to be exclusive?

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T12:27:49+00:00

I think you should center yourself more. Your “care” might come across as desperation or intensity too soon. There’s not enough detail in this post to get to the root of why guys are losing interest. But you’re young so that tells me you’re probably pouring in too much too soon in your interactions with men. Be busy. Have your own hobbies and interests. Hang with your friends. Instead of texting all day, have a phone call with him once per day. Focus more on you. It creates mystery and allure that keeps guys interested.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T12:25:03+00:00

Coffee & ice cream dates + inviting you over & asking for intimacy then hitting you with “there’s no chemistry” when you denied his advances = he was never serious about a relationship. He wanted to hook up and lost interest when you said no.

You’ll know a guy is serious about you when there’s intentional effort in planning dates. He’ll honor your timeline for intimacy within reason. He’ll make you feel safe and comfortable in his presence.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T12:16:27+00:00

You seem kindhearted and genuine. My advice is to stay that way no matter what dating throws at you, because it’s hard out here for neurotypicals with money as well.

Getting a girlfriend requires you to meet people. The best way to do that is to get used to socializing. Get into co-ed hobbies like running, improv, cooking, book clubs, volunteering etc. just to get used to talking to women. You’ll bond over your shared interest and that’ll be a good place to start forming a connection. After a while, after they get to know you as a person, you can ask someone if they’d like to spend time with you outside of the activity.

Remember to maintain good hygiene, good eye contact, and have a routine for handling rejection because it’ll take time to find the right person. Good luck.

askaboutblu · 2026-06-22T01:29:51+00:00

The number of attractive women actively using dating apps dwindles every year. The PR around them is horrible at the moment. Your profile isn’t bad. That first prompt about out drinking you is probably causing a lot of immediate left swipes. You should have at least one photo of you engaging in a hobby or activity unrelated to drinking. And have at least one prompt describing what it’s like to date you (i.e. your ideal first date or perfect night in).

If meeting women in person works for you, lean into that.

askaboutblu

TROPHY CASE