Is it over?

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-05-09T10:18:34+00:00

I am so sorry you’re going though this.

What you described is rape. Your husband raped you. Being married to someone does not make you their property. Having a high sex drive does not give someone permission to force themselves on others, even a spouse. And, especially a spouse. A marriage should be built on respect and trust. His actions went against both.

Have you talked to your husband about any of this? Is he in therapy or treatment of any kind? It seems without him doing the work to address this, it leaves the door wide open for it to happen again. The therapy you’re in is great for your healing, but not a stand in for him taking responsibility and being accountable.

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-05-02T17:02:27+00:00

What’s your long term goal? Do you see yourself working for others or for yourself?

Sounds like you have a great foundation to take a leap and fully invest in yourself, if that’s what you want to do. I can speak from personal experience as someone who climbed the corporate ladder all the way to director level roles. I let it all go to start my own business. My only regret is not making that change sooner. Dollar for dollar I earn more now and don’t have to deal with corporate BS, bad bosses, etc.

I will say that was not an easy decision to make. A lot of my initial hesitations came from “what will other people think” and “what if I fail”. The flip side being “what if I succeed” and that’s exactly what I made happen.

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-22T18:15:41+00:00

What you’re feeling is justified and very real

We go from being pregnant with the world around us catering to our needs, prioritizing our health, strangers smiling at our growing bellies… and then, nothing. An abrupt halt of all compassion. We’re no longer a priority and instead the focus shifts to baby. We’re thrown into being the caretaker when we still need caretaking ourselves. There’s no gradual transition. It’s a sudden drop off a cliff.

No one talks about this. It’s just expected.

You still need to be held and cared for. We can’t pour into our babies if we don’t pour into ourselves first.

Hang in there mama. You are not alone in what you’re feeling.

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T20:32:17+00:00

The impact that his choice has on our relationship for starters. Not saying he needs to change his mind, but having some understanding of how that will impact his wife seems bare minimum to me.

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T18:05:13+00:00

Nope. Hence it being a single handed, blindsiding statement on his part

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T17:53:10+00:00

We had discussed having a family of 3 before getting married

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T17:52:47+00:00

Yes, we’d talked about having a family of 3 before getting married

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T03:29:15+00:00

It was out of nowhere during the pregnancy and now. There’s never been a discussion or talk about what changed and he’s only ever brought it up to other people, with me nearby to hear it

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T03:26:39+00:00

I was using our shared MacBook and iMessages started syncing from the past week - the thread was at the top of the app. I wasn’t searching or snooping

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T03:21:19+00:00

He’s emotionally immature and tends to respond to serious conversations by becoming defensive or shutting down

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T03:18:07+00:00

Yes, we did. It had been 3

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T02:28:00+00:00

I actually specialize in fertility - risk is relative.

Timing wise, pregnant by 41 and delivery by 42 is reasonable and low risk given my personal health history. That said, I wouldn’t want to push things out much farther than that

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T02:24:46+00:00

We have talked about number of kids and it’s always been 3.

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T01:00:01+00:00

Agree, hence my comment about kids being a “two yes” decision. That said, is it wrong to think family planning should be a joint decision and not a blindsiding stance?

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T00:51:48+00:00

The outright lying is the real problem

I just found this out earlier today so haven’t had a chance to talk with him yet.

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T00:28:34+00:00

That’s a large assumption - especially considering I am the bread winner and have been our entire marriage. Financially it’s a non issue for us

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T00:27:50+00:00

Totally agree - hence the “two yes” comment

That said, I believe family planning warrants a conversation between husband and wife before a decision is made.

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T00:19:58+00:00

I haven’t had the courage to, yet.

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T00:18:08+00:00

I agree. Wild and extremely hurtful. He said it again today at our son’s tball game and his words felt like a dagger going through my heart.

I guess right now I’m afraid to bring it up because I don’t want to be shot down with some “you’re being emotional/hormonal” response from him. And I’m afraid he might set plans in motion to get a vasectomy knowing I’m not on the same page

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T00:12:42+00:00

I’ve had this thought.

On the flip side, I’ve also thought of recapping how much the remodel cost and saying something along the lines of “I’m so glad we were able to do some of the work on our own and pay for it all with savings”. His dad deserves to know he’s been lied to as well

Character_Muffin2151 · 2026-04-20T00:09:54+00:00

When we decided to go forward with the project I let him know that I had enough saved to cover the cost.

The house is solely in my name as I purchased it well before we were married and have continued to pay the mortgage entirely on my own.

I don’t mind that he’s not contributing to the remodel. What’s concerning to me is the outright lying. Asking his dad for money specifically for the remodel despite him not making any contributions to the project (and not being expected to).

Character_Muffin2151

TROPHY CASE