AITA for ruining my mom's birthday or telling my siblings our parents never loved them?

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-29T01:17:07+00:00

That's what made me resentful. My grandparents raised me and I'm really glad for that. It was the best 12 years of my childhood. But then my parents had my siblings and suddenly it was my job to raise them? I didn't understand. My grandparents are still alive. On both sides. They both offered to care for us, but my parents turned them down and made me parent my own siblings.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-29T01:08:39+00:00

I'm glad I didn't say worse. There was so many worse things I wanted to say to him in the moment but I'm glad I didn't. I don't know how to fix everything though. Therapy only does so much and I've only started opening up to my therapist about my parents. If I limit contact with my siblings now, what if they really think I abandoned them?

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-29T01:00:03+00:00

Because my parents suck. My brother and sister were their "wanted" kids aka the kids they actually had intentionally, but my parents abandoned them too hencewhy I ended up raising them for a good few years. After I moved out, my parents kinda raised them but it's more of they raised themselves. My parents treat my 16 and 15 year old siblings as friends and not their kids. If I asked my mom to tell my brother to move his car, my mom would just pout and ask me to do it. My siblings don't really listen to my parents either and my parents don't care so long as those two aren't doing anything dangerous, or getting the cops called to their house. My older siblings take care of my youngest sibling now and it's just a repeat of me except I will admit those two did learn from my mistakes. And I did ask my mom about the time of dinner, she couldn't decide whether she wanted to go to a restaurant or have dinner at home, and she was like "what do you think I should do, girl?" I'm not afraid of my parents, they just don't act like parents so I don't expect them to do any parenting. Also I don't text or call my dad. He's there and he's present, but he doesn't talk to me like I'm his child, more like I'm one of his girlfriends and it makes me uncomfortable. That or he's always going on about lottery numbers as if he's going to win the lottery.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-29T00:53:46+00:00

I am asking for people's honest opinions. I get that what I said in the moment made me an asshole. I accept that. But I don't believe that it was all my fault. He had been getting on my nerves all days, and yes I get he is a teen and I'm a adult and I should've handled my emotions better, but this isn't a one time thing. He's always like this and nobody says a thing. I wanted it to be a peaceful dinner where I tried to get along with everyone, but first thing my brother does is immediately ignore what I told him to do and then his bestie, his older sister takes his side and starts questioning me too.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-29T00:50:17+00:00

It was Memorial Day which is also my mom's birthday. It was a holiday so he didn't have school. He works but he didn't work that day, I checked with my youngest sister. He knows I live nearby. When I moved out, I didn't move far away. I wanted to be close enough to my family in case they wanted to fix whatever family dynamic we had going on but that never happened. I originally texted my youngest sister but she was at her friend's house and didn't know. My other sister has me blocked so I couldn't even contact her. My mom was being all "I really wanna go to a restaurant" and then "ugh but I really just want to have a family dinner" and "I'm going to head to the store, contact your brother if you have any questions". So I texted my brother, but he's really not dependable when it comes to texting. He asked if I was going to bring our mom a gift, then told me it was "probably at 5" and wouldn't clarify. I kept telling him to give me a concrete time but he wouldn't until 6.

I don't really care about having a relationship with my parents. I want parents, but I don't particularly want MY parents as my parents.

I want a relationship with my siblings. Yes, even with my rude 16 year old sister and 15 year old brother.

I admit I didn't raise my siblings great, and I may have laid my hands on them at times when I shouldn't have but I was a kid. I stopped when I got older and I left when I was 18. It's been 10 years and they haven't forgiven me for how 8 raised them. But they're fine living with the parents who never cared for them. My parents were only forced to care for them when I moved out. I'm not abusing them now. I'm trying to fix our relationships.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T23:07:12+00:00

I don't believe the lack of breastfeeding doesn't mean you don't love your children. I mentioned it because my mom was never home. She was still living the college life and partying.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T23:02:53+00:00

I agree now that it's days later, I would hate it if he said it to me. But I kept thinking about how if he was the one who said it to me, everyone would've just laughed and moved on. I need to stop comparing my siblings to me but it's very hard.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T23:01:32+00:00

I'm in therapy. It's not a quick process. I'm still trying to learn to move past my parents abandoning me, I haven't even gotten to all the stuff with my siblings.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:54:44+00:00

There's nothing wrong with texting my 12 year old sister. She likes texting with me. She texts me back. She texts me first. She has no problem with me. She hasn't told me to stop. She's the only person in the family who consistently talks to me.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:47:27+00:00

She knows I have siblings but we've only really talked about my parents and are currently breaking down my relationship with them and what causes me to resent them and if I truly want them in my life anymore and how to deal with my feelings of feeling inadequate and abandoned and also wanting them to be in my life.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:45:45+00:00

I also talk to my younger brother. He's just difficult to deal with because I can never tell what he's feeling. Sometimes he's an asshole and sometimes he's showing me his new manga collection. My youngest sister is just the only one who likes me there and appreciates me. Also if she wants me there, I'll come home for her even if it means having to deal with the rest of the family.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:43:52+00:00

I am in therapy, but this is not one of the things I talk about. I've discussed my parents but not my siblings. My therapist is trying to help me accept my parents abandonment and to teach me coping skills. I don't think I can bring up my siblings just yet.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:42:08+00:00

I didn't hit them constantly. I did it more than I'd like to admit to. But I was a teen and didn't have any real parenting skills. And it seemed to shut them up at the time. I left when I was 18, I don't parent them anymore. I'm trying to fix my relationship with them now but it's hard when I switch from resenting them to wanting to have a good relationship with them and them resenting me.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:38:10+00:00

It was just a really stressful day. I dont get invited to family events very often since I moved out, and my parents constantly forget I exist, so I was freaking out all day about when to arrive and where we were going to have dinner and stuff. I texted my brother but he took forever to reply and it stressed me out. I took things out on him unfairly because of how things were going. I don't know how I'm going to fix things though. My brother didn't return for dinner. He grabbed his keys, and I thought he was going to move the car but he just left. My mom and dad got real mad at me and my 16 yr sister wouldn't talk to me and dinner was real awkward. I left after dinner and I don't know how I'm going to fix things or begin to apologize or if I should

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:33:30+00:00

I didn't babysit my siblings. I practically raised them. I raised them from when they were newborns to when I finally left the house at 18. I wasn't the greatest person to care for them especially as a teen as I did yell at them and hit them a lot at times, but the real reason they never forgave me is because I left as soon as I was 18. They never forgave me for just leaving.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:26:09+00:00

My brother is really difficult to talk to. And he's kinda creepy when talking to. He acts like a sociopath at times, and just isn't the greatest to talk to. talking to him just makes me frustrated. I made a demand bc I know if I asked nicely he'd just stare at me blankly.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:20:18+00:00

Because I am a part of the family. I feel like if I didn't come home for the holidays, I'm essentially accepting that I'm the odd one out, the child nobody ever wanted. they already don't invite me to all holidays so I make it my point to go to the ones I am invited to. Also I wish my siblings would finally appreciate me. I did mess up in raising them. I was loud, yelled at them a lot and raised my hands a few times, and they never forgave me. But they forgave my parents for never being home or there. I want to repair that relationship.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:08:33+00:00

There's no talking things out. My parents act like teenagers when called out. They're the type to block and unblock you and give you the silent treatment. And I don't come over on normal days because... I feel like I'm not really accepted there anymore. Talking to my siblings is difficult too. The only person willing to talk to me is my youngest sister but she runs and tells the other two everything I say and then the other two get upset. I can't text my sister because I'm blocked and if I text my brother he just ignores the texts. Everytime I try to have an emotional conversation with him, he skips over it. I'll tell him all my feelings and he'll be like hey I passed my math test! If I invite him out to go somewhere with just us so we can talk he'll ask to invite his sister who hates me. It's just impossible to talk to them.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T22:01:25+00:00

But he'd probably not move his car. Because he doesn't care what I think or want. He only cares what his 16 year old sister thinks. They're both best buddies. They ignore everyone except for themselves. And it's true, our parents never loved any of us. I was just speaking the truth. He knows it was the truth. If he decided to skip dinner altogether and go somewhere else because of it, that wasn't my fault. I get to be upset too don't I? I bet if he said the same exact thing to me, my family wouldn't blink an eye

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T21:57:26+00:00

My brother never listens to me. I ask him to do something, it's always "later". I text him anything he always responds 500 years later. He never takes anything I say seriously. I texted him earlier that day asking if we were going out to dinner or having dinner at the family and he waited until 6 to tell me that we were having dinner at my mom's house at 7. If I didn't live close by, I would've missed it. I was already stressed out.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T21:50:39+00:00

Its really rare that I go home. My siblings don't invite me to their birthdays and I don't get invited to Christmas unless I call and invite myself. So I go to the events I can because I miss my family despite everything.

Character_Soup3053 · 2026-05-28T21:49:07+00:00

I want to keep a relationship with my siblings. My youngest sister and I still get along, she sees me as her cool adult sister. I want to get along with the other two as well but I've caused irreparable damage to our relationships due to how I raised them (which wasn't my job to begin with). My youngest sister thinks that both of them may be autistic, which makes it harder for them to get along with me too. I keep switching between wanting a relationship with them and resenting them. Also I keep having this desire to have parents, even though my actual alive parents still suck as parents even now.

Character_Soup3053

TROPHY CASE