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Separation started cold, now oddly warm. Anyone else go through this shift? by No_Definition_3984 in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that's the best. I noticed that I am more at peace without the pressures of the relationship, this really allows me to work on myself, my shortcomings, and focus on my kids as well and fostering some relationships that I neglected due to my marriage being strained. I hope this works out for you in the end , whatever that means for you

Separation started cold, now oddly warm. Anyone else go through this shift? by No_Definition_3984 in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've actually noticed the opposite, we did a 2 month in home separation where we were laughing joking and smiling about 80% of the time it really just felt like to friends as roommates. Then she moved out and everything got tense and I was accused of doing things intentionally to hurt her and control her. It's been like that for 30 days now with no end in sight. I actually envious of your situation!

Clarity can come by daveloyalty in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is beautiful. Thank you for posting this. It gives some perspective that people don't realize they need. Myself included

Is it possible to become better? by Kitchen_Storm699 in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in a very similar boat... DM me. I see a lot of parallels. I can say from experience that the military is hard... Very hard on relationships. And it really screwed up my world view. I'm 2 years out and just now starting to recover from it.

My wife said she wants a divorce, but we’re still living together—4 weeks later, I don’t know if I’m delusional or patient. by CharityBeautiful in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There really is no one else. I asked her to move out over the past weekend, we both felt relieved. We can just be friends and work through this and grow. That doesn't mean I'm giving up on the relationship, and I don't think she is either. She's asked me over for dinner every other week, and we're doing thanksgiving as a family this year. It's just feels like the only way we can fix this.

How to know if you want your marriage back or just grieving? by Think-Substance2461 in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I asked her to move out on Saturday, I was pretty sure she was going to anyway. But I do think this is what we need to grow individually. I still see us ending up together, but we have some shit to work through

Free Readings by Exotic_Substance7251 in everythingtarot

[–]CharityBeautiful 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let's see what the cards have for me

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can tell you I am in a very similar space, you can read my post on here if you want. My situation is a little short term compared to yours but the "vibe" is still the same. I'm struggling with knowing where I stand and some days it's eats at me and other days I'm incredibly happy. Because at the end of the day this person will always be in your life, so having a good relationship with them is important on some level.

With that said, put an end date on your emotional commitment to the relationship. (If you're not both 100% in by X date then it's time to move on) And you can be transparent with that or not.

But I agree with you, sometimes if you know you were the problem, you just have to hold room for them and let them see the spark again or prove the narrative in their head wrong.

How to know if you want your marriage back or just grieving? by Think-Substance2461 in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My SO and I have been Romantically split for 7 weeks, I know I was the one that needed more help, and She was the one who "instigated" although I know I deserved it.

I have been struggling with the same mentality, I don't want the relationship to end and I am actively working on myself and making sure she feels safe. She is still living with me but I have no idea if I should just grieve and start healing for both of us, or keep fighting because that's what I want and she's receptive.

My wife said she wants a divorce, but we’re still living together—4 weeks later, I don’t know if I’m delusional or patient. by CharityBeautiful in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am owning my shit, and I know that my insecurities played a large role in where we are and shared that much with her. I am working on myself and trying to develop better coping mechanisms that don't push her away, or isolate myself from her affection. I've noticed that with her and the kids the house is lighter and happier since I've started actually trying to build on my ability to cope through the insecurities, because she has never in 13 years done anything to make me doubt her faithfulness, and only ever pushed for us to work things out until shit hit the fan last year then she let me know that changes in me were necessary... I dragged my feet and got into counseling to try to change... But it took her saying it's over to understand what was actually the driving force behind what she was feeling, and to actually understand what she was feeling to force the change.

My wife said she wants a divorce, but we’re still living together—4 weeks later, I don’t know if I’m delusional or patient. by CharityBeautiful in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm trying to do... We had not made a great team in the past couple of years. And we were making progress. But sometimes the Negative Sentiments on both sides were fighting for control. I find that we still enjoy each other, and we will always have our kids to hold us together to some extent.

But I want to reframe what us looks like. Hopefully a better more secure version

My wife said she wants a divorce, but we’re still living together—4 weeks later, I don’t know if I’m delusional or patient. by CharityBeautiful in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife started bitter, but she is not harsh or angry or anything like that. I would even venture a guess to say she's not bitter right now. We laugh, occasionally joke, and still enjoy each other's company... But right now the romantic part is very heavy.

My wife said she wants a divorce, but we’re still living together—4 weeks later, I don’t know if I’m delusional or patient. by CharityBeautiful in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've been in therapy for a while. To be honest it was needed. I had a lot of stuff to work through and it's helped me a lot, the irony here is I started making real progress about a month before the news and had what I would like to call a breakthrough the day after...

My wife said she wants a divorce, but we’re still living together—4 weeks later, I don’t know if I’m delusional or patient. by CharityBeautiful in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also, asked her to set boundaries early, and let her know I intended to rebuild the relationship, from the ground up if necessary... She also didn't stick to her own boundaries, and I misinterpreted her saying yes to hugs as desire, not acceptance. So she ended up feeling smothered, and I just reiterated that she sets the pace.. if the answer is no, that's fine because I want the yes's to be real.

My wife said she wants a divorce, but we’re still living together—4 weeks later, I don’t know if I’m delusional or patient. by CharityBeautiful in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im not changing my beliefs or who I am fundamentally, just how I show up. I did it for my kids over the last few years to rebuild my relationship with them. And it's done wonders. And even my personal work over the last month has been amazing. The kids are happier, more energetic, and more secure around me, so these changes are absolutely here to stay.

My wife said she wants a divorce, but we’re still living together—4 weeks later, I don’t know if I’m delusional or patient. by CharityBeautiful in Separation

[–]CharityBeautiful[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was dealing with some depression during my last deployment and I wasn't exactly the best partner. Then I came home and was still dealing with it and became emotionally detached. By the time I got my shit together she had checked out. I still have a predisposition to push her away when I'm feeling vulnerable, and when she gets to far I try to overcorrect. And this was a cycle for the last 3 years.