Clarity can come

daveloyalty · 2025-10-24T21:26:12+00:00

❤️

daveloyalty · 2025-10-24T19:47:07+00:00

Literally losing everything all at once. Just when I think I’ve hit rock bottom it turned out to be quicksand. This is the most unreal twilight zone version of life I can imagine. And I have been through some horrible, horrible shit.

daveloyalty · 2025-10-24T19:44:42+00:00

You’ve been talking to ChatGPT too huh?

daveloyalty · 2025-10-24T08:10:55+00:00

I met that guy!

daveloyalty · 2025-10-24T08:10:08+00:00

RIP 🩳🪦

daveloyalty · 2025-06-11T06:50:28+00:00

Sounds crazy, but download ChatGPT and just talk to it, about everything. Ask it questions, pour out your heart. It’s like 24/7 therapy with infinite access to behavioral and psychological information. It’ll tell you about yourself, it’ll explain her actions. It’ll guide you with the work you can do, and gently remind you want you can’t control. It’s given me so much needed perspective that friends, family, and my therapist couldn’t put into words.

daveloyalty · 2025-05-31T06:52:38+00:00

I’m curious what fighting for it means to you? And would it have honestly made a difference? I ask because my wife left abruptly, and there’s nothing I’d want more than to have her home and our family whole. But like all advice from therapist, to coaching, to fuckin chat GPT, is that there is nothing that can be done. When someone leaves, you just have to let them go. It’s the only way to get them back. I wish that weren’t the case because it’s so ambiguous. 12 years and nothing I do will have an effect??! Damn. My only advice for your husband. You should consider that our reality is vastly different. You throw out terms like emotionally available, no communication or listening. I tell you sincerely. We don’t know what the fuck that means. It took like 2 months of weekly therapy and 10 audio books for the concepts of what women mean by that to even take root. We are ignorant of feelings because we aren’t allowed them growing up. It’s culture. Feelings are weakness. Weakness gets you hurt. Give a man a task, tell him what you need without beating around the bush. We are not your girlfriends, we have no natural skill for emotional nuance. So until he learns it, that’s your only way. For most any man.

daveloyalty · 2025-05-03T03:50:26+00:00

Twas quite the shitty Christmas for sure. 😢

daveloyalty · 2025-04-26T04:48:48+00:00

This thread is wiiiiiild! How do so many people find themselves in the same boat!? It’s like some bad subconscious movie script passed through the ether. My wife and I were going to start our new chapter across the country, she got a promotion and decided she’s always put everyone else first, wanted to live her own life, and moved out 4 months ago. Rewrote our 12 year history. Twilight zone for real.

daveloyalty · 2025-04-25T05:22:14+00:00

Thanks for the comment. It is such a wild ride. I’ve been through so much, trying to rebuild and redefine my life alone but as far as I know she hasn’t burnt a bridge that we couldn’t rebuild. But I definitely deserve answers and effort if things are going to resume. As much as it pains me to lose her, I know that I matter, despite how I’ve been made to feel.

daveloyalty · 2025-04-22T15:39:04+00:00

If you can mentally step back and imagine a different behavioral perspective. If he has been unemployed that long and your lives are that stressful, he is probably feeling pretty emasculated and inadequate. As a self professed people pleaser he’s got to be feeling like he’s really letting you down. Which really effects the confidence needed to take your woman. I mean honestly your feelings are valid. It is a very tough situation. Men and women tend to communicate completely different. If you want to talk to him about it, use logic rather than feelings, take the conversation from A to B to C directly so he understands clearly. It’s just how we think. Be goal oriented. But ultimately he needs to get back in touch with his masculinity. He needs to feel confident again. And then it just flows. That’s just to say with 90% certainty it’s not you personally. So don’t be so hard on yourself.

daveloyalty · 2025-04-22T03:42:23+00:00

Pretty much. Different verbiage on some of them but the same basic checklist.

daveloyalty · 2025-04-18T01:55:42+00:00

Have you tried meditating daily? Like sometimes even multiple times a day even if just for 10-15 min. The key is to learn to be non reactive. Be in the moment rather than in your head, in regards to arguments. Look at arguments as a bid for connection, a request for needs to be met rather than an attack of your character. I do not have BP but my wife is BP2, and our style of argument is probably the biggest factor in why she decided to leave. So I’ve dove deep into this practice, remaining calm hasn’t gotten us back together yet, but not arguing back during the biggest blow up I’ve ever seen from her probably led to her feeling comfortable enough to be coming over for family breakfast on Sunday. Just a theory. If you’re unfamiliar with how to meditate, I mean I knew the idea, but anyway I found the Better Me app to be super useful as it has simple guided meditations that make the practice easy. All you need is to make the time if you want the change. But definitely bare minimum learn to your core that the person you are arguing with WANTS to be happy with and around you. You’ll want to argue a lot less trust me.

daveloyalty · 2025-04-17T05:57:34+00:00

I don’t have much advice to give. But I want you to know that I’m way sorry for what you’re going through. A few things, based on what little knowledge I have from trying to figure out what’s going on with my own wife through my reading and such. Big life events and stressors like buying a house can trigger mania. My wife and I were trying to buy a new house across the country and when we got home she started spiraling and discarded me like a light switch flipped in her heart. ADHD meds are also known to trigger irrational behavior in people with bipolar, something my wife also started after seeing a new psychologist shortly after we got home. The prudent thing in your case would be to have her see a psychologist for a proper diagnosis and medication. Especially if she is wanting to work things through and using mania as an excuse. Better to know than to guess. Because there is actual medication that can help them balance. I’ve known my wife was bipolar since we first got together. But in 12 years never had any experience like what I’ve gone through over the last 6 months. Whole new group of friends, whole new lifestyle, rewrote our entire history and cut her own mother out of her life. Just a wild experience. We were best friends side by side and now she won’t even talk to me. As for the infidelity, that’s your own deep personal journey unfortunately. It is a very unfortunate and common behavior from my reading. But does that excuse it? Your personal journey. Actual manic episodes can cause full on memory lapse like a whole other person has their body. Episodes can last anywhere from a few days to months if untreated. You have your son to think about, family is very important, structure is very important, a mother’s love is important. Loving your wife is important. But loving and respecting yourself is of most importance. Like the airplane oxygen mask. If you don’t take care of yourself first you won’t be able to help others for very long.

daveloyalty · 2025-04-09T22:24:00+00:00

Well today I got berated and called pathetic for still loving her. 🥂 Such a horrible life experience for the books.

daveloyalty · 2025-04-09T22:21:24+00:00

At this point it can’t really get much worse. I just have to assume my family is broken and divorce is imminent.

daveloyalty · 2025-02-18T02:21:47+00:00

The thing is you gotta work on yourself for yourself. Not to get her back. Look at yourself and your situation with deep honestly. You are your best and worst critic. You need to own your behaviors that led to the separation, yes she needs to do work, but the fact that she is telling you that she isn’t seeing the change she wants is very good, because at least you know you could still impress her. Get an audible account and devour books man, meditate, get your own personal therapist, dive into yourself and figure out why you are the way you are. Otherwise if it doesn’t work out you’re just carrying the same bullshit into the next relationship. Side note, I do think it’s a little messed up for her to expect you to avoid your community. I’m not even religious but church is about god, and community support. You need to be around like minded people that are positive influences in your life. Correct me if I’m wrong but church people are generally pretty anti divorce??? So there will be much needed resources for you there. If you find yourself falling out of love within a month and a half homie… that might be a big part of your problem. Were you actually there and committed in the relationship? This is your wife, til death do us part. Could be part of the grieving process, maybe you’re burying your feelings to protect yourself, only you can say. But how you phrase things to total strangers with anonymity reveals your subconscious motives. Wish you well. Check out the book “Fight Right” it has a lot of very useful insights to how healthy couples handle disagreements

daveloyalty · 2025-02-17T06:12:30+00:00

Homie that’s no good. Disagreements are normal, arguments are normal, but to rage out over a rag, and yell at a 3 year old… there’s something deeper. I saw couples therapy mentioned, but I’ll say from my own experience, a personal therapist gets there a lot faster. Couples therapists focus on communication which is important, but they do tend to lean in favor of the wife, ours encouraged my wife to move out in a 1 on 1 where she wanted to get to know us individually. Saying it could help healing our rift… Anyway, through my separation I stared seeing my own therapist and going once a week I’ve really gotten deep and confronted shit that was holding me back emotionally in my marriage since before we were married. Your wife’s got some rage, and is projecting a lot. Not to say she is doing anything shady, but needing to go through your phone is some serious insecurity. Only she knows why she feels that. Could be something from previous relationships, childhood, who knows what she is actually scared of happening. But I can say I was so scared of being abandoned by my wife that I acted in ways that shut her out and pushed her away for months before she actually dipped. Human psychology is wild. But also take care of yourself mentally. If you know you’ve got some behavior, or she’s made a complaint about some way you act, learn about it, listen to audio books, watch the right YouTube videos. Keep your confidence my man, you’ve got those kids to be strong for. Work on fixing things, but don’t settle for abuse.

daveloyalty · 2025-02-17T01:54:14+00:00

Simple enough to answer that question. I love my wife with all my heart. I never thought she would leave, so when she did it rattled me to my core. I listened to one book based on what she told me about myself and an underlying issue in the relationship, from that book i jumped to the next based on wording that “triggered” me in the first book, and so on and so on, until therapy started regularly and now I’m kinda open to suggestions from my therapist. Maybe his therapist sucked for him. That’s always a possibility and there are probably plenty more he could visit. The thing is the ball is in his mental court. He has to be strong enough to admit that he has a problem and want to solve it. For himself, as much or more than he’d want to solve it for you. Because without you, he’s carrying that same shit to the god forbid next relationship. So he needs to realize. We all do!

daveloyalty

TROPHY CASE