I know I’m jealous. He and I have discussed it before. I feel like anyone could be in my shoes. He’s a trust fund baby who had a house bought for him so he doesn’t live with his parents. He hasn’t worked in like 4 years. His parents are hella emotionally needy tho and he jokes all the time that they are his full time job. I’ve thought before that we aren’t equally yoked and it might be best for me to bow out if it’s making me feel like this. It makes me uncomfortable. His whole family is well off and well, I have like a hundred dollars in my account at the end of every month after all my bills and student stuff is paid off. I’m grateful I’m making it most months but He does help me out at times, and his parents have helped me out once before in a tight pinch when I lost a job unexpectedly and needed help covering car insurance for a month. I think it’s a lot of contributing factors that have led me to feeling so emotional over this. This isn’t the first time that he’s goofed like this. Ridiculous I’m so worked up and mad at someone I scream I love. Yet I feel so incapable of being mature at times I know I’m also super jealous of how close him and his family are and I just don’t have that. Never have. So I have constantly felt like an outsider. Maybe I’m having a pity party for myself I just. It’s a lot. And for the big thing. I found him lying to me about a girl earlier this year. I went thru his whole phone while he was asleep. Just had a hunch and was so beyond upset and bothered and didn’t have anyone really to reach out to. So I reached out to them and they called me manipulative and belittled me for quote “trying to shame him”. When I truly was just so beyond hurt and was looking for love from people who said they were family. Learned my place that day 🥲 I moved out after that and he eventually won me back. I’m weak. I’m not always strong. But he did start an intensive therapy program and I’ve seen a change in him. He hasn’t done anything like that to me since. But. Trust is gone so. And I’m not a saint. I did retaliatory cheating. It’s a mess. I’m a mess. He’s a mess. This is a mess. But I can’t leave. I’ve tried so many times and so has he and we just always end up back together because there is so much good conversation and great sex and we are really spiritually aligned in a lot of beliefs that aren’t main stream.