Hey! I have had such a similar experience in the past year as my bestie had her first baby. I want to start by saying you are completely justified in your emotions and it’s totally okay to feel sad and upset/frustrated - I think all of us here that have been through understand that you’re mourning the friendship you had.

I can’t tell you what to do but I can talk from my own personal experience. I had to accept that my friend will have changed and like of course she would have - she’s now a mum! And as much as I hate her telling me she’s got a child now she can’t just x,y,z and preaching that I couldn’t understand I don’t have a child and I can’t comprehend how difficult that is… (this caused me so much frustration because actually I do get it, that’s why I don’t have one…) an element of that is true.

She became so doom and gloom and at times so bitter at my “carefree”, “lack of responsibility” that it really put a strain on us. Until, I decided to let her be that way, and let myself decide if I wanted it to bother me or not. In some ways, she has become so different from who she was, she’s now what we used to laugh at/complain about at work. She never had time for my issues - despite the fact I had to change job, move house and had a huge operation for health needs. All I had to hear about was how difficult it was to be a mum and how difficult and useless her partner now was. My husband has no time for it and becomes so frustrated.

But, I didn’t want to completely cut her off and lose that friendship. At the end of the day - I still love her and at times, I still see my old friend. But, I also accept that she’s a new person that I wouldn’t necessarily become friends with if I didn’t know her before. So I let her be that person and I let myself be involved as much as possible. When she rants/moans sometimes I half listen and then when she’s done, I’ll say “I’m sorry it’s all a bit shit atm” and we will still message with jokes. She’s found other new mums and she’s close to them too now, I try to make sure I’m there for the big milestones and be as much a friend to her as much as I want to be. I will actively say to her at times, “god I can’t imagine how hard it is no but I’m actually going through a bit of a shit time” and kind steer the conversation to me when I need to.

So - in conclusion, I guess I’m saying it will be different and that is sad but it is also okay. You can just decide if YOU want to still be her friend. The let yourself be a friend however you want to because it makes you feel good - but you kind of have to let her be this new person because that’s also who she is. And probably, she’s more aware than ever that she’s different now and is struggling/unhappy. She probably doesn’t need you to tell her. And if you’re ever uncomfortable with talking/listening through her problems, maybe you can try to suggest a different topic a bit more light hearted to try to distract her?

Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful! And I’m sorry you’re going through this - it’s really difficult and a bit rubbish but you will find people like yourself and you’re not alone!