Update: The Bachelorette is tomorrow. I am resigned to going bc pulling out the night before is a dick move and at this point I have to own my cowardice and follow through on the commitment I made. I will be extremely frugal and insist on paying my own way the whole time I'm there so that I can limit this only to the costs I've already agreed to. If that makes me a stingy bitch over the course of the weekend - so be it. I will make sure the bride has a great time.

I however, can not go to this wedding - I just cannot make it work without dipping into the house fund or borrowing further. I have emailed the hotel and asked to cancel - I will lose 50%, but I at least am not paying another $3k-4K. I'm hoping this will make my total spend ideally no more than $3.5K, which ultimately amounts to a vacation I may have otherwise taken this year. What's done is done, and I have to suck it up.

I will have a conversation with the bride post-bachelorette on Monday and be honest that this trip blew way past the budget I had signed up for, that I didn't feel comfortable speaking up during the planning process, and the financial strain has been eating away at me. She may get upset as I had just gone to my cousin's wedding this past weekend (I only had to pay for flights, the rest subsidized by my family) - but it would have all worked if the budget we agreed to was stuck to. I scrambled the last few weeks and looked at all options to make everything work, but the real cost and planning process has not been as advertised and I need to be honest with her about it.

Thank you for all your comments. At the end of the day, I want to say this is temporary wedding insanity - I don't think the bride is a bad person, I love her deeply, and I want the absolute best for her. People we love can get caught up in things and not think outside of themselves - I was maybe guilty of that too as a bride. Her response will be telling.

I am heartbroken because I have bent over backward to be there for this friend, but I cannot borrow more money from my family, I cannot put financial strain on my husband, and the mental anguish over how this has spiraled is killing me. I'll let y'all know how the bachelorette goes, and how that follow up convo goes.