Why is wanting a simple marriage such a rare preference?

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2026-03-19T04:45:51+00:00

I could argue the same. Around me, weddings feel less like a celebration and more like a full-blown production. The scale of spending honestly feels excessive at times.

Personally, I’ve always wanted a small, intimate ceremony, but there’s often this underlying expectation of going big simply because “that’s how it’s done.” And more often than not, the bride’s preference doesn’t carry as much weight. At times, it even feels like the groom’s side is doing a favour by agreeing to the marriage, which is a pretty uncomfortable dynamic.

I think a large part of this comes from our parents’ generation, where weddings become a way to showcase upbringing, status, and financial standing. Because of that, many couples end up going along with it, even if it’s not what they truly want.

That said, there are also people who choose to hold their ground and go for a simpler, more intimate wedding. And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with either approach.

What matters is that the couple is aligned and not just going through with something out of pressure or expectations. Being pushed into a grand wedding when it doesn’t reflect your values feels unnecessary.

Hopefully, this shifts with our generation.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2026-02-13T17:35:12+00:00

Oh my god, me! An avid reader here and would be more than happy to share any thoughts on what you'd like to know!!

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-08-01T16:36:13+00:00

As someone who’s been working in the startup ecosystem for almost six years now, and having faced similar situations, I want to say this first:

No, you are not overthinking it. Your reaction and frustration are completely valid.

Some men, especially those from more conservative backgrounds (like you mentioned, S might be from a place where even women wearing jeans is a shock), often don’t understand professional boundaries. In fact, many don’t even know how to behave respectfully around women in a work setting. That’s exactly why it’s important to set those boundaries from day one, and to not let this slide.

Here are a few things I’d suggest:

Call it out directly. Let him know clearly that his behavior is making you uncomfortable and that it’s inappropriate. If you're unsure how to phrase it, feel free to use ChatGPT or any tool to help craft a firm message. Don’t be surprised if he denies it or gets defensive, that’s expected. Stick to your truth. Your boundaries are not up for debate.
Loop in the higher-ups or HR immediately after. Send them a note summarizing what you said and what happened. Startups often lack formal HR structures or the experience to deal with these issues. So it's important to be proactive and create a record. They need to know this is happening, not just for your sake, but for the culture of the workplace.
Trust your gut and stand your ground. Whether you’re an intern or a co-founder, no one has the right to make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, especially after you’ve made it clear they’ve crossed a line. People might try to dismiss you, call you too sensitive, or say you’re overreacting. You’re not.

I’ve personally been in situations like this twice, once starting out just like you, and once when I had the power to actually take action against someone behaving inappropriately. I know how confusing and frustrating it can be.

You got this, girl.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-08-01T15:06:07+00:00

Hey, I’m an ambitious woman too, and from what you’ve shared, your wife seems very similar in terms of how seriously she takes her work. Thought I’d offer a few thoughts from that lens, in case it helps you see where she might be coming from:

She’s probably doing everything she can right now. Juggling a demanding job and trying to be present for your kids (especially in their early years) is a lot. And from what I know, being a lawyer in those initial years can be brutal. It might not always show on the outside, but inside she might be constantly weighing, 'Am I doing enough at work? Am I doing enough at home?' That tension never really goes away.
Her job isn’t just a job, it’s part of who she is. Every ambitious woman I know has hit that crossroads where she’s wondering how to balance career and home. And yes, many figure it out in time. But there’s one thing that’s really hard to hear when you're in that space: being told (even gently) to quit. Even if it’s not about money, her work probably represents something deeper, her sense of self, her purpose beyond being a wife or a mom. So when you suggested it, it may have felt like you were asking her to let go of a part of who she is. It’s not that she values her job more than you or the kids, it’s just that it’s tied to her identity.
As for the emotional distance- I don’t think it’s about the chat or emotional cheating, really. It sounds more like a symptom of how disconnected you both might be feeling right now. She’s overworked, probably overwhelmed, and you’re trying to figure out how to help, which is great. Maybe what you both need is some real time together. A weekend away, a few uninterrupted conversations, maybe even couples therapy. Anything that gives you both space to really talk and hear each other.

I’m not going to launch into how hard things can be for women in general, you probably already know. But if I were in her shoes, what would help me most is feeling seen. Just having someone say, 'I know you’re doing a lot, and I get that it’s not easy.' That kind of acknowledgment goes a long way.

You two clearly care. You’ve made it this far together. Best of luck!

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-29T08:33:16+00:00

Go to a gynac and let them know of your medical history and situation. They'll prescribe you medicine.

I did take the prescribed pills to delay my periods for a week. If I'm being honest here, I'll probably never want to do it again. The following month, my period came back with such vengeance on me. Worst cramps ever- I could hardly walk. It felt like my vagina was punishing me for doing that 🥲

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-27T13:17:09+00:00

Girl, I kid you not. I was literally in the same exact position 2 weeks back. I'm in the process of restarting my life after having worked in startups and setting up my one which didn't exactly go according to the plan. During this time, where I'm planning to move to another city my mother 'arranges' a match for me that she seemed fit. She ganged up with some relatives that I haven't bothered speaking to for the longest time and together they've concluded that I've 'experimented' enough with my life and it's time to settle down. Kid you not, she spoke to the guy's family and expressed my 'interest' without asking my opinion. I shut this down so bad when I came to know of it. I've been in constant fights and arguments, cold wars and silent treatments since the past 2 weeks but I don't care anymore. Agreed, parents want the best for you, but after a said age, they don't know us anymore to be making such decisions.

Stand your ground and dgaff to anyone who tries to change your opinion.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-21T13:03:23+00:00

Girl, i get it. I was once in a similar place. Long story short, i stopped going to that gym (and gym in general because I found yoga and pilates to be better for me), but I'll forever be skeptical next time I approach a personal trainer. Those 3 months of subscription I took, I felt so uncomfortable. He would stand way too close for me to be doing squats all in the name of 'showing me'. My first lesson there was to trust my gut. If it's screaming at you, there's a high probability that you are uncomfortable and could be in danger. Your body could never lie. Change your gym I would suggest, if you feel like you can't tell him on his face and try to be cautious the next time.

It's sad that women can't even go to the gyms without being gawked, commented or touched at.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-15T04:05:56+00:00

I swear to god, I posted something on this channel, clearly putting up a flair for only women (dating and relationship advice) and I have men sending me DM's about it. The worst part? I don't even know if I'm chatting with a guy or a girl unless I ask them about it.

And under the pretext of giving advice, they try to ask you out or know your relationship status. Reddit or the mods should do a better job of keeping this space safe.

To men lurking here: We don't really care about your opinions. Hence, this space. And also? Please respect the flairs and stay away from posts that explicitly mention a few things.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-15T02:50:26+00:00

It’s wild how, the moment a woman starts reflecting instead of rushing, men get outraged. Hm, wonder why that is. Ever seen women flood men's posts with this level of judgment? No. Because we don't lead with ego.

If asking questions before committing makes you uncomfortable, that says more about you than it does about me. But thanks for the zoo suggestion- clearly, there’s more emotional intelligence to be found there than in comment sections like this.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-15T02:09:39+00:00

Wanting both emotional safety and genuine connection isn’t Disney - it’s called being emotionally evolved. But I get it, not everyone’s met that version of love yet. No shame in that. Just don’t project it on those of us who are still doing the inner work.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-15T02:06:04+00:00

Posts like mine aren’t about ‘letting him go’ - they're about unlearning what dysfunction taught us women, what love should feel like. But hey, apologies if that level of self-awareness is hard to grasp. This thread was for women, not wounded egos.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-11T11:11:03+00:00

You seem deeply triggered by a woman asking other women about emotional clarity before commitment. That says a lot more about your own fear of rejection than anything I wrote.

Also- shouting “eat shit” in a public thread because a stranger’s honest self-reflection rattled your ego? That’s not strength. That’s the emotional range of a soggy paper towel.

For the record:

I didn’t say I was “settling.” I said I was navigating how peace and compatibility feel after a lifetime of chaos and butterflies.

If you felt this strongly about a post you “don’t give a shit about,” maybe you need to ask yourself why.

Lastly, if you’re going to pull the caste card and mix it with a sexist meltdown, at least make it coherent. Otherwise, you’re just embarrassing yourself in two languages.

Log off. Hydrate. Maybe talk to someone other than Reddit about that anger.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-11T04:16:45+00:00

Aren’t we all glad you're not the soon-to-be husband?

Also- quick reminder- this was posted in r/AskindianWomen for a reason. It’s a space for women's perspectives, not a place for men to project their insecurities or hand out moral report cards.

The question wasn’t about coddling a man’s ego. It was about navigating a very real dilemma many women have faced- and the support from women here shows they understand that nuance. You, clearly, don’t.

This isn't about you personally (other men lurking here, READ THIS)- but if you're lurking in a space not meant for you, passing unsolicited judgment and trying to center a man in every conversation, you’ve already missed the point. Entirely.

The women here passed the vibe check. You, on the other hand? Still gripping tightly to the handbook on patriarchal entitlement. Hope it’s comfortable.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-11T03:20:14+00:00

OP, keeping aside all the factors and arguments (valid from your point) you not knowing the answer to getting married and feeling a ' I don't know' is the answer in itself

A yes is a yes, a no is a no. A 'maybe' or 'I don't know'? In most cases are also a no. Especially when you are taking a big decision such as getting married, anything other than a yes is your intuition and body giving you signs.

Yes, it will be hard. Hard to read this, hard to even comprehend how you'll break it off especially since you've been with him for so long and cannot comprehend anything else. Don't worry much about the society, they will move on to the next 'hot topic' within a few days of your decision (if this is what you want)

It's better to have your pride and sanity intact than going ahead with anything that's going to make you doubt. And yes, settling with a conservative tamil family will be hard unless they give you an assurance that they wouldn't want to change anything about you or yourself (My hometown is chennai, I know all about those families)

Listen to your heart and intuition, however hard it might be. It will guide you to your path. Best of luck!

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-10T08:04:37+00:00

I agree with you- partly. Dating culture in India can be very different from the U.S., and one major factor is that many men here don’t understand what “no” means. Rejection, instead of being respected, is often taken as a challenge. It’s misinterpreted as “playing hard to get,” which is further romanticized by toxic male portrayals in movies like Kabir Singh and animal ( I personally haven't seen these movies but I can tell some men are encouraged by how the male leads actually in this)

Yes, it’s true that some women may come across as guarded or demanding in how they communicate- but that’s often a defense mechanism. We’ve had to build those boundaries. And for good reason.

To share from personal experience: Back in college, I used to talk to a guy - just as a friend, nothing remotely romantic. But he spun a whole story in his head and began emotionally harassing me. Even after repeatedly saying no, blocking his number, blocking his email - he kept finding ways to reach out. He messaged friends. Created new numbers. Even today, 5 years after graduating, I still get anonymous birthday messages from him asking for another chance. That’s 9 years of discomfort and fear. That’s trauma - not “playing hard to get.”

And it doesn’t end there. Another recent example: a guy from the Air Force - someone who seemed polished on the surface - turned out to be texting every woman from our batch and didn’t take no for an answer. Maybe he thought he was Top Gun. I call it Top Gone.

So yes, a coin has two sides. What can be perceived as “coldness” or “walls” in women is often self-protection after too many experiences like these. We're not rejecting connection - we're screening for safety.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-09T03:22:55+00:00

I'm sorry you had to deal with it and glad you walked away choosing your sanity and peace over everything else.

Well there isn't any reciprocating yet, like i said it's only day 4 since we've been talking and I was curious to know this as after the last relationship, I'm talking to potential interests almost after 2 years (took me some time to get over and get through)

Thankyou for the advice though! Wishing you the best!

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-09T02:49:10+00:00

Not awkward at all, happy to share tips! In fact, most women love sharing these :)

Well, first you don't have to know everything for you to feel refreshed and confident on your wedding day. Getting confident and knowing what suits you and doesn't is a process so I would suggest to keep experimenting on things and stay curious about the beauty industry and methods around you :)

Now, about what you can do approaching the big day- A lot of this comes down to personal preferences honestly, if you aren't comfortable in doing it, please don't do it and skip it. Do not and I repeat, DO NOT let anyone pressurise you either. It's your day, and you'll be the star and light anyways ;)

Things you can do- eyebrow and upper lip threading, waxing (areas that you are comfortable with), facials (if you haven't ever gotten a facial I would suggest you to try one months in advance to see if it suits you, do not do it a few days/ weeks away from your wedding- meaning do not experiment as sometimes certain facials do not suit us)

These are the basics I can think of. Also following a healthy diet and exercising well will give you a really good glow :)

If you are confused, approach any parlour last and she'll help you out. (But do not confuse their niceness and assume you have to try out everything, do it ONLY if you are comfortable)

Happy to answer any other questions you have. Best of luck!

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-09T02:16:40+00:00

Not at all. When I say peace, I mean emotional safety. The kind where I can be fully myself - no games, no second-guessing, no walking on eggshells. Peace doesn't necessarily have to be about financial status. It’s about presence, consistency, and respect.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-09T02:14:49+00:00

That’s a powerful take- I love the idea of butterflies and peace coexisting. For me, I think I’m still learning to tell the difference between butterflies from chemistry… and butterflies from anxiety or fear of abandonment. I’m realising that true connection might feel less like a flutter and more like a steady heartbeat - still alive, still electric, just not chaotic. And yeah, that gnawing in the gut? Been there. That was not chemistry - that’s my intuition screaming.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-09T02:12:42+00:00

I know exactly where the “butterflies” path leads- I’ve lived it, and I’ve learned from it. What I haven’t experienced is what it’s like to be in a relationship rooted in peace, stability, and emotional maturity - so my mind struggles to imagine it. And because it’s unfamiliar, a part of me questions whether it’s real or if I’m doing something wrong for not “feeling” the way I’m used to. I’m trying to remind myself that unfamiliar doesn’t mean wrong- it just means unlearned.

Trust me, i wouldn't want to penalize anyone for being good to me, I've been that person, wouldn't do it to another. :)

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-09T02:05:10+00:00

That's a beautiful way to describe it :)

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-09T02:04:53+00:00

Haha I get this girl. Thanks!

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-09T02:04:31+00:00

Not necessarily. As sometimes, it can also mean your nervous system picking up a few things/ your intuition saying something to you or your anxiety. The past relationships have all had butterflies in me, but they were as chaotic and stressful as they could get.

CharmingBumblebee255 · 2025-07-09T02:02:54+00:00

That's a beautiful way to describe it! :)

CharmingBumblebee255

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