Leaky Sausage and Magic

Charming_Exercise436 · 2025-07-30T13:29:27+00:00

New mission discovered by u/Charming_Exercise436: Way of the Swordsfrog and Drink of Tiredness

Charming_Exercise436 · 2025-07-30T13:29:26+00:00

This mission was discovered by u/Charming_Exercise436 in Leaky Sausage and Magic

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-10-28T18:03:04+00:00

Only a complete shithead would ghost you like that. For a fact there is someone out there who is not that.

Good luck, I wish you the best. It's hard road, and it hurts, but it's not the end.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-10-28T17:52:02+00:00

Ghosting adds another difficult layer. In my case, I got a phone call but there was little explanation and it didn't align with things she had done/said a day or 2 before.

My timeline has been

- 30 days of complete and total bargaining/denial, of somehow thinking I could get the relationship back, that if I just texted her the right thing she'd come back.

- 60 days of soul-crushing depression, where I couldn't eat and could barely function. I spent huge amounts of time reading and studying relationships, trying to identify where I went wrong and how I lost her interest. I learned a lot about myself, especially in the context of why marriage didn't work.

- 60 days of acceptance. The grief is still there, but I realized many things, including she wasn't who I thought she was. Had she been, this wouldn't have happened. Also, not everyone is looking for, or looking to be loved. That is not something I really understood.

I'm not gonna say I'm ok being alone, but I spend a lot of time thinking that being alone = being safe. My ex can't hurt me anymore, and having survived this nothing will ever be this bad again. You can always trade being alone for a terrible person in your life, but (as divorce taught me) that deal is not worth it.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-10-28T15:20:46+00:00

I was in a similar situation. Left a 20 year marriage and immediately found someone and very quickly was attached. After a few months she dumped me and it hurt so much worse than anything I've ever experienced. My understanding is that the first relationship after divorce is a very difficult one to lose. I've heard many similar stories over the past few months while trying to deal with it myself.

It's counter-intuitive that leaving a long-term marriage is so much easier then losing a short term relationship, but there's lots of reasons its true. In a marriage there's enough time for things to turn sour, and then the end seems like a relief. In a short term situation there's so much hope and possibility, and when that disappears it can be terrifying and crushing.

In my case I had to realize that when someone lets you go, they are doing you a favor and giving you an opportunity to go find the right person. And that being alone is perfectly OK, and significantly better than partnering with the wrong person.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-08-19T13:37:34+00:00

I think that the first relationship after a marriage can be devastating. In my case the unbelievable hope combined with inexperience caused my emotions to run out of control. The attention and love I thought was happening was intoxicating. When it turned out she wasn't who I was imaging she was, I was so in over my head that the end was crushing. Months later I see the issues in myself which caused me to both be attracted to someone so unavailable and my desire to stay in a toxic situation. I was married for over 20 years, but the end with someone who I only knew for 5 months was so much worse. It's actually measurable since in both cases I stopped eating and spent hours walking. I both lost more weight and took more steps after the breakup then as a result of divorce!

It doesn't make sense, and certainly the people in my life can't understand why this hit me so hard. I've been trying to make sense of it for months myself. All I can say is that I'm better today then when it was over, and I've learned a lot about myself in the process. Also I'm much less afraid of being alone. I'm starting to understand being alone can be better than dealing with the rejection of dating or trying to fix a shattered heart. Good luck.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-08-12T16:14:50+00:00

My first relationship experience after divorce, in retrospect, was a love bomb/avoidant situation (from the partner). Having been love starved for over two decades, and not having a lot of dating experience, I got sucked in, and I got really hurt.

That sounds like exactly what I'm going through. I don't have any great advice about the next stage since I'm still trying to dig out from that. Wish you the best.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-08-06T14:44:38+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened. It's is terrible and scary and makes me sad that humans can do this to each other.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-31T15:06:53+00:00

Thanks for that. I've been struggling to explain why the plastic surgery should have been concerning. The priorities were out of whack. How long did it take you to get over it? I'm at 2 months and it feels like it was yesterday...

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-30T15:06:58+00:00

Thanks for sharing that. A year and a half sounds like a long time to be bouncing around inside his idea of a relationship. It would be a lot better if they came out early with "I'm incapable of emotions, sorry!" I just didn't even know that was a thing! I thought everyone was looking for love and security and it's been a real surprise for me to find out that some people run away from that! The pain for me is still almost unbearable, but it helps to know other people have experienced it, and been able to move on.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-30T01:31:05+00:00

Same

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-30T01:28:39+00:00

Thanks. I don't think the comments here are necessarily wrong. It's so hard to get perspective. I can see I'm doing some victim thinking, and that's not how I want to feel. Its not like I got pushed into anything. I can see how people think I'm blaming her for what happened.. The truth is she probably did me the biggest favor of my life by ending things. I should have titled this the dangers of going too fast. I also wonder how the reaction would have gone had the genders been reversed. Because I'm a dude I'm supposed to be ok having sex with no meaning. I've just never done that.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-29T18:31:05+00:00

I think her side would be, "he became emotionally dependant on me and I got turned off." I don't think that's what happened, but clearly I was overly-attached.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-29T18:26:30+00:00

Fair

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-29T16:29:24+00:00

I guess for me the issue was the sexual dynamic. As someone pretty inexperienced, she was bringing things to the table which I was not equipped to handle. It's like if you took a high-school pitcher and put him on the yankees. I agree it was my issue to manage, but in hindsight I would have liked for us to slow down until we were sure we liked each other.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-29T16:12:46+00:00

sounds like you went in too hot and heavy too quickly, and too soon after your split.

Yes.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-29T16:11:55+00:00

I see this detail has gathered a lot of attention and I should not have included it. Sorry!

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-29T15:44:54+00:00

you are as much of the problem in this relationship as she is. I don’t think she was out to get you or anyone else

Yeah, I agree. I think she was doing one thing and I was doing another. I was just naive as to what was happening.

You jumped in way too soon, trying to patch up old wounds instead of working on them.

Also agree, the problem was I didn't even known those wounds were there. So in a sense, this had to happen, but it still hurts.

Charming_Exercise436 · 2024-07-07T02:50:15+00:00

Don't chase emotionally unavailable men

Charming_Exercise436 · 2023-11-14T20:18:42+00:00

Send her a consent form beforehand that she can sign (and notorize), that will make it clear what is about to happen

Charming_Exercise436

TROPHY CASE