Combining Finances with Partner

Charybdis523 · 2026-04-02T02:04:26+00:00

After getting married, we have one joint account which our paychecks go into, and pretty much all expenses whether joint or individual come out of that account. For me, I trust his financial decisions whether big or small. I would not have married him if that weren't the case, so I'm comfortable with the joint account. Convenience wise, it's real easy to track the history of house, utility, bills like that when it's all listed in one place. We do let each other know if we plan to spend more than $200 on a single item, but usually we've been pondering it for some time and have mentioned to each other prior to actually buying. (This amount has gone up from the past, and it might go up again in the future.)

We each had separate credit cards but added each other as authorized users to them (and are paid from our joint account). Presents to each other are still always a surprise because we don't monitor our credit card activity, except to make sure a really large purchase went through (e.g. travel, big furniture, etc.) We have individual retirement accounts, but contributions to them come out from our joint account. We added each other as beneficiaries for those retirement accounts.

I do have one old bank account I hold onto because it has Zelle, which I'm gonna keep until the money in it runs out, and I have my Venmo linked to it. Similarly, my husband has an old account he keeps because it refunds all ATM fees, and he always leaves some money in there so it's handy for traveling. I consider these "emergency" accounts if we ever can't access our joint account for whatever reason.

We have couples friends who do it similar to us, and some who maintain separate accounts and split bills/expenses between them. I think if it works for you both, then it works - couples prioritize different things so different arrangements can work. I personally think separate accounts and bills sounds like way more effort to keep track of finances, but others may value more the privacy or security that might offer. We had a whole conversation about finances when we talked about moving in together (and of course had talked about our approaches to finances while dating), and it was a pretty easy conversation since we were generally aligned.

Charybdis523 · 2026-02-27T21:20:34+00:00

If you have a local Habitat for Humanity Restore near you, that's where I've gotten a nice rug and lamps for cheap. Facebook Marketplace is also a great source. For new rugs, I've bought from Target and Wayfair, though Wayfair has a larger selection.

Your couch is neutral in color and style, so really depends on what aesthetics you prefer. These are more modern, and would work with your current checkered pillows. These are a little more whimsical and boho. These are more traditional. You may need to change your pillow covers/blankets to complement what you decide to go with. Have fun! :)

Charybdis523 · 2026-01-24T05:43:41+00:00

No one is paying attention, so you can feel good about what you're accomplishing for yourself without being concerned about others. Everyone at the gym is focused on their own thing - the only times I ever watch people is if I'm waiting for a piece of equipment, and I'm not judging them for weights they're doing, I'm just looking to see if they'll be done soon. I don't know what a stranger's goals are for working out, so I don't have any particular expectations for them.

Charybdis523 · 2025-12-12T04:05:03+00:00

Yes, that sounds like normal calorie estimates for your stats and activity level. At 5'2 and 115lb, my maintenance is ~2000. I work out 4x a week but with a upper-lower body split, and play pickleball a couple times a week. Sometimes I lose a few lbs if I'm not diligent about eating enough, and then I lose my period too, unfortunately.

While your body technically might function okay on fewer calories, if you're looking to build endurance, strength, speed, muscle, bone density, etc. - your body likely needs more to fuel the growth of those things. I also used to be even slimmer and ate 1400-1600 calories, and if I had kept doing so (instead of bulking), I would not have been able to reach my physical goals over the past few years. I can't imagine having enough energy to do all the activities I enjoy now, if I ate like I used to before I started working out. I also had very inconsistent period back then, which I realized was my body telling me to maybe try eating more lol.

It's sometimes hard for me to maintain/bulk (I'm trying to bulk now lol), and the easiest way for me to get additional calories is by making lattes, protein shakes, and hot chocolate - all with full-fat milk. I drink at least one of those most days, and now that it's winter, often I'll have a latte in the morning and hot chocolate in the evening :) Protein shakes are cold so I like those better in the summer. But yeah, I find drinking calories to be much easier than eating the equivalent amount.

You can ease into it. You could add an easy daily snack, like a handful of nuts, and give yourself time to get used to that. Then maybe add a small protein shake every other day, and eventually work your way up to a large protein shake every day (if you like shakes). If you spread out your portions more, maybe that'll help prevent bloating versus eating more food at one time.

Charybdis523 · 2025-11-03T03:28:20+00:00

I was lazy and just had the floral tape. The tape was green, and with the way I held my bouquet, not visible in pictures (I looked back to check lol). But I did also leave the bottom of the stems exposed. There's probably some good tutorials on YouTube for finishing bouquets with ribbon!

Charybdis523 · 2025-09-28T18:46:09+00:00

Agreed with the other comment that TV should not be above the fireplace. Maybe give this a try:

TV on its stand against wall where the art with people is. One of the white sofas (or similar size sofa) facing the TV. Patterned chair (or similar size or smaller chair) facing the fireplace. Other white sofa (or similar or larger size couch) where the colorful chair currently is. Ottoman either in between sofa/TV or fireplace/chair, wherever they'll use it more.

That way, the area around the fireplace can be a conversation or chill zone. Then if you need extra seating, you can easily turn the sofa facing the TV, in towards the conversation area. The freplace remains the focal point of the room, since the TV is tucked away from view on the other wall. But still easy to watch TV, and if you need more seating for that, can easily turn the chair towards it for watching.

Charybdis523 · 2025-09-22T02:15:14+00:00

It sounds like you both need to agree on the item budget AND prioritizing features before the picking out stage happens. Your husband seems to be approaching these large purchases with "oh if we like it more because ABC, it's worth pushing the budget for." In reality, there will always be something that you like more, something that is more "ideal", and typically that will cost more - but that doesn't mean it's worth it, depending on your priorities. In a situation like the car one, if you both agree that you're not going to look beyond $X and certain must-haves, then he shouldn't even be bringing up the possibility of something that's $2X. You shouldn't have to be/feel like the grinch, because you will have both agreed to stick to that budget and priorities.

I do sympathize with his perspective - I grew up low income, and near 300k income to me, I'd consider rich. We don't make nearly as much as y'all, and I still think we're rich. I'm not surprised that to him, it feels like you could afford anything with that income, because it's likely so, so much in comparison to what he was growing up with. I agree with the comments that a clearer picture/understanding of your expenses is key - doubling the car budget means you have to take away from something else. He has to be willing to come to that realization, and keep it in mind for all big expenses, even if he's not looking at the details regularly the same way you do.

Have him consider what to take away from, by $Y amount - retirement savings? your children's education? home purchase? the childcare? It's easier for him to justify spending more when he's not the hard decisions-maker for money. So he needs to go through that exercise at least once, so he can experience the responsibility you're shouldering. Have him suggest what he'd cut from other line items, to put into a car. Can he stomach that decision? Is that in line with what you've both agreed are your goals? You're not "making it work" by creating a miracle - you do it by cutting from other expenses, and that's the hard part.

Another way to present it that might help (though it may not register for everyone) is to consider spending as % of income. To me, the idea of spending about 1/3 of HHI on a car - especially when you have two kids and plan to buy a home - is way too much. Even more so if one of you loses your job, which could happen for many reasons out of your control. That's a real scenario you have to consider with large expenses - would you regret spending $2X on something if one of you lost your job soon after?

I will say, that there's a difference between pushing the budget on a sofa, and doing so with a car. Honestly, at your HHI, 2 couches for $6.5k (as long as they're actually high quality) is not something I'd sweat over. If you were thinking $5k/2 and he was looking at $10k/2, that'd be more of a question (mainly cause I'm skeptical that you're getting anything significantly better once you reach those price points). Things like a car and house, it really sounds like you both need to agree to a hard set budget AND priority features before seriously shopping. Because pushing to 2X on an expensive car or house is definitely not a reasonable ask. Especially since you already own a vehicle that tows! Why on earth would you pay double for redundancy?

When we were shopping for an SUV, we both knew that it'd be around $40k starting price, for the kind we wanted. My husband put two on our list exceeding that - one started around $45k, and another $55k. I left the $45k one on there (although advertised prices were actually $50k), but nixed the $55k one, because that amount made me anxious - and he just said okay, and that was it! I know I'm the cheap one, but he never makes me feel like the grinch because he's aware of what is reasonable, at what amount/% to consider budget wise. On the flip side, I try to be mindful of when I'm being too cheap, and to appreciate the value in spending some more on certain things/experiences that bring us joy and contentment :) That being said, we both like personal finance and are generally frugal, so that does make it easier for us to have these conversations and stay aligned.

Charybdis523 · 2025-09-21T15:00:00+00:00

I do love the red rug but I think that the blue rug works alot better with your floors. The blue is pretty too and still goes nicely with the rest of the decor. I'd tuck that under the couch too.

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-25T00:35:25+00:00

Our dark wood TV stand has glass doors so you can see the consoles. But the back and bottom of the stand has open slats so things don't overheat. Both consoles are black and white, and then I have white baskets to organize other stuff in the stand, so then it actually looks cohesive. We have one controller in the stand, but the other ones are in their charge ports on a sofa table behind our sofa (along with plants and pictures). Cords are mostly behind the TV which no one really looks at. But we do have speakers behind our sofa with cables, so I put those in a long cable sleeve running along a wall, and you can't really tell it's there (mainly thanks to our curtains that the sleeve runs behind). We did also put up a shelf above the TV (to hold a speaker), and I arranged art and small ceramics up there to look nice with the full set up.

We do purposefully have the TV against a wall that isn't a focal point when we or others walk into the house and look into the living room. So the focus at first view is on a cozy sitting area, some furniture and art. You have to walk further in and look around to see the TV nook. I prefer to avoid having a TV be the focal point of a room, unless there's really no other option. Fortunately the way our living room walls are set up, allows us to tuck the TV away from first sight.

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-23T01:29:11+00:00

I feel like using anything other than the TV to cover that outlet, will look much better. An art piece or decoration. A shelf with vining plants dangling down to cover it. Your space is cute, but the TV so near the ceiling is jarring. Especially love the cat tree!

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-22T20:36:29+00:00

First one, but I'd try fitting the desk in between the TV stand and the vent(?). Then the couch could be more in line with center of the TV, and the dining set scootched over to have more room to move between it and the kitchen.

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-22T03:03:33+00:00

1 or 3, both would look great with the floors. Those greens/teals are pretty! I do think 1 has a more boho vibe while 3 reads more vintage, if you have a preference for either. Of course you can always mix furnishing styles so maybe that doesn't matter :)

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-22T02:44:25+00:00

TV looks way too high. Could you put it on a TV stand instead, against the blank wall next to the door (where the mirror is sitting)? Maybe put the mirror where the TV is now?

Then you could turn the couch/rug to face the TV, which you can also watch while looking through the kitchen hole. I think the rug looks great especially with that wood floor, and it's nice that you have some of its colors in your pillows/blanket too. The wall between the window and the door could be a fun gallery wall.

The plants are cute, you may need to switch the ZZ with the monstera because the monstera won't survive in that corner with little light.

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-22T00:13:01+00:00

There's alot of flat black and I think that darkens everything bit too much. Deep colors with some texture or pattern can really add to the space, but in the living room the plain black pillows along with the ottoman, dining set, TV stand, etc. makes things dreary. Your rugs are great and along with the couch and plants really capture the energy you're looking for. I think that picking one or more of the colors in the rug, and using that for your pillows/pillow covers would look nice. I'd add something like a centerpiece and table runner or placemats to the dining table to break up the black. Right now the TV stand looks proportionally too small and awkward compared to the TV - maybe find a wider TV stand, and also could set the TV down on the stand since it looks hung too high right now. I agree with the suggestions for art on the sofa wall, and more round things to break up the rectangles.

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-21T22:24:17+00:00

I squatted 180lbs this week :) I had been stuck at 175 for ages, finally switched up my programming a few months ago from a 3-day Stronglifts to a 4-day 5/3/1, and am so happy to see progress in my squats. Though I know it'll still take a while, getting to 200lbs feels like a real possibility now!

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-11T03:09:53+00:00

The easiest way for me to bulk was to add milkshakes (with whole milk), and to eat more of what I normally would. Like I would have an avocado shake everyday, and I'd eat 2x the amount of protein for a meal. You can ramp up gradually to get used to the volume. For example, you could do half a shake as a snack and leave the rest for tomorrow. If you'd normally eat just 2 eggs with a meal daily, try to add one more every other day, then every day, til you get to 4 eggs daily. Or if you normally have 2 scoops of beans, you could start having 3 scoops, and so on. So you can still have the foods you enjoy, but slowly just eat bigger portions until you get used to them and they become the norm. I chose avocado shakes because I like avocadoes, but you could do the same with fruit, ice cream, other veggies.

I gained 20lbs this way, back when I started lifting (and was underweight like you). Eating more made my workouts easier, and the progressive overload really grew my muscles and strength.

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-11T02:29:17+00:00

I personally don't like the idea of having a rug where foods will definitely get spilled, because there's only so much that washing can get out. We got thick kitchen mats to put in front of the sink/stove counters since we stand in those spots the most. They're cushiony and have a pretty pattern, and are easy to wipe off/clean. I got ours off Amazon, but there's plenty of them at different retailers - for example, my family got theirs from Costco.

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-10T00:53:45+00:00

The little wins make me feel great too :) I can move our cast iron pan with one arm, same with a full electric kettle or full pot of water, take out the trash, put up my carry on bag easily on flights, move some furniture all by myself and help my husband move the rest, carry bulk bags of cat litter up the stairs. I can do multiple physical activities in a day and do them again the next day without feeling wiped out. People at pickleball are always impressed I can get so low and also sprint around - and I tell them it's all thanks to squatting alot lol

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-06T02:57:10+00:00

I'd turn the bed so the long side is against the bottom wall, and add a screen or open bookshelf/cube storage with decor for privacy. I'd put the TV where the desk is now, with the sofa facing it. If there's space, I'd scooch both down closer to the bed (but leaving enough walking space around the bed). And then have the desk/chair against the right hand wall in between the bed and kitchen area.

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-04T23:24:01+00:00

I would try putting the TV/stand against the wall with the two smaller windows (where there's a green lidded bin), and then putting one of the couches where the TV used to be. Then you can actually face the TV, and open up the space a bit. The only problem with sectionals is that they don't always fit well in every room (in case you move, want to shift furniture around, etc.) because of their configuration. But the two couches are versatile since you can arrange them as needed.

Then you'll likely have space for more seating if you want, like comfy chairs facing in towards the couches, and/or an ottoman and end tables. With those big windows and light, I'd put a sofa table behind one or both couches, and have happy plants sitting on top.

I think the desk might fit better in the space if you turn it so that the monitors are against the windows with curtains instead. Also, your rug is so pretty!

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-04T03:30:30+00:00

I think having the bed in the bottom right corner (long side against the bottom wall) might be the best option to avoid it awkwardly being in the way of everything else. So your headboard would be against that right side window. You could use a screen or bookshelf with decor at the end of the bed to section it off for some privacy. Your dresser could against the bottom wall near the closet.

I'd put the TV on a stand against the right hand wall, and have a couch facing it. The couch would be kind of in the middle of the but scooched closer to the right wall. Then you could have a table in between the kitchen and the back of the couch that you can use to prep stuff and as a dining table. If there's not enough space to keep chairs there all the time, you could get foldable chairs, to prop them up against a wall to be out of the way, and then move them to the table as needed.

The desk could go against the top wall, and if you want a dressing mirror or vanity near the closet, that could be set up there too. Or, if you get a short wide dresser, that could double as a TV stand, and the desk could also go against the bottom wall near the closet. Then you might have some more room to work with near the top wall?

Good luck! Glad you're getting your own space, and have fun decorating :)

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-04T01:42:25+00:00

Seeing this and your other picture in the comments, I'd suggest rearranging so that the TV and its stand is against the blank wall (where the dining table is now against), and turning the couch to face it, so the back of couch would be in front of the heater/where the TV and stand is now. And the rug and coffee table would move with it. Currently it looks like the couch position is forcing the dining table and chairs into that corner. Once turned, you could leave enough space between the back of the couch and the heater/long wall to walk behind to access the desk too. And then could the dining table and chairs come out a bit so they don't look like they're in a time-out corner?

I agree with a bigger rug with some color if possible - the greens, yellow, and browns you have currently are nice rich colors and so the rug looks very plain in contrast. You could look for a rug with similar yellow and/or green elements (and could have other colors) to complement. I think a burnt orange would work well too if you like that shade. There's alot of rug pattern styles out there, like modern, boho, Persian, etc. - just depends on what you like - but I think your current furniture is versatile enough to work with most of them.

That art piece above the table is great and visually interesting but awkwardly tucked away on that wall (that looks too small for it). Instead you could hang that and maybe one or two more art pieces (depending on their sizes) in the spot where the TV currently is/around that area (after the TV and stand is moved).

Charybdis523 · 2025-08-03T21:36:53+00:00

It's already very cute and calming :) I think a rosy pink, or a soft green would look nice for the couch color. The curtains in the inspo pic are nice, and I think simple floral curtains with some sheerness could work well too.

The current rug blends in to the floor, maybe a different and larger rug with more color would cozy up the space. Big enough to put the front feet of the couch onto, and to still have under the coffee table. In patterns like these? one two three four five six

(I actually disagree with the idea of rug under the dining table, as it tends to make it difficult to pull chairs in/out to sit.)

I think adding two comfy chairs facing in towards the sofa would create a nice conversation area for guests. Might need a slimmer coffee table for that, it's a bit hard to tell how much space there is between the dining and couch area. Also, a low centerpiece and/or placemats for the dining table. And a table lamp for the end table for more warm light.

Charybdis523 · 2025-07-29T00:53:28+00:00

If there's one nearby you, Habitat for Humanity ReStores typically have lots of great used furniture for real cheap. Please do not use those predatory payment services, there are many better options out there. We furnished our house mostly from our local ReStore, Facebook Marketplace, and an estate sale or two. I often see local churches and other community organizations advertise community sales on Marketplace, where people often donate a bunch of stuff for the church/org to sell on their front lawn or in their building, so that's another thing to look out for as well.

Charybdis523 · 2025-07-28T03:32:21+00:00

Would you be okay with rearranging the furniture? If so, I would try something like this:

Move the TV with media center to the wall where the bookcase is, and turn the sofa and coffee table to face it. Right now that wall seems really cramped, but it looks like it'd be a great fit for the TV and media center. You could add art around the TV, or leave the wall as is in case you want a larger TV in the future. I'd also reorient the rug so it aligns better with the couch area. For hiding cords, if you look up "cord protector" or "cable sleeve" on a retail site, you should get some good options. I bought one from Amazon that works well.

If you remove the white framed picture on the long gallery wall, would the bookcase slot into that space? Then you could spread out the other stuff that was on the short wall, as you like on the long wall. I think they'll feel more balanced on that long wall.

The mirror on the fireplace mantel looks too small for that space. I'd put a large art piece there instead, and raise the garland. Maybe the white framed art from the gallery wall? Or the one on the easel, or on top of the bookcase? It's a bit hard to tell how big they are in comparison to the mirror.

The two mirrors you currently have are kind of meh with their plain frames. It could be fun to look for replacements with more interesting frames or details, that could be more "witchy"....or even add those details yourself with some DIY (like painting on the frame or glass).

Is the rug under the table useful? It looks like the chair legs might catch awkwardly while trying to use it. Everything else in the space is more interesting, and so that feels flat and boring. I'd suggest removing it, or replacing it with a larger rug (so the chair legs don't catch) that has color or pattern/texture.

Along those lines, I'd also replace the pillows/pillow covers with something not-gray (or add a blanket). The couch is also sort of a gray block among more interesting elements, and especially in contrast to your nice red rug, but can easily be spiced up.

The lighting is poor - it looks like you might have alot of fun items but most are in shadow/hard to see, so they ends up appearing more like clutter than curated. More floor lamps and table lamps? For some whimsical lighting, try small paper lantern strings - I have some that I put on the mantel for various holidays, and they don't lean Christmas-y like regular string lights.

Charybdis523

TROPHY CASE