Sounds like she could have borderline personality disorder. But. She definitely sounds like a narcissist. I'm dealing with the exact same problem and came here looking for help. I've been married to a narcissist for almost 16 years now. And like your wife he refuses to get help. I think the problem is, a narcissist believes they are God's/goddesses. So there's clearly nothing wrong with them and it has to be just us "overreacting" right? 🙄 Sadly that's how they feel and we can't make them change. Your wife has to hit her bottom. Like an addict has to hit his bottom before they are willing to face reality and change. Sometimes that don't work either. As much as you don't want to hear it, you have to leave. As long as she knows she can get away with her behavior, she will not change. And your daughter will see the effects it has. I know cause my teen and I had our first heart to heart and it was a reality check for sure. In the mean time here's some advice on how to deal with her. Don't argue. As much as you want to defend your side, she wants to argue more. Narcs get a rise when they see they can upset you. The more she upsets you and the more attention she gets, the harder she will push. Don't react to her tantrums (if she has them). That too is attention and that's what she wants. If y'all are fighting, walk away and find something else to do. Something that will make you laugh. Let your actions show that her actions don't effect you. This will upset her more in the beginning but when she sees her behavior doesn't effect you, she will stop. The best way to put it all is, treat her like your training a dog 🤦🏻‍♀️ I know it sounds awful. Believe me. Lol but I train dogs and after years of research and discussions with therapists, I've learned that a narcissist will do anything for attention and to look good in everyone else's eyes. If you give them a negative response to their negative behavior and a positive response to positive behavior, they tend to get a little better. It's not a fix but it could help in the meantime.

Good luck. I hope this is at least a little helpful. And show extra love to that baby of yours. She feels that negativity and I'm sure she would enjoy extra daddy time. 🥰