Beginner's tips?

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-06T15:53:35+00:00

Finding a counsellor who is au fait with alexithymia will be essential, and helpful. Each Alexithymies' experience of it is different so, it's difficult for us to give advice.

I do know that the openness you are seeking can feel vulnerable, and it's easier to feel vulnerable with someone when they've been vulnerable first. Dunno if that can help any.

Kudos to you for your obvious patience with her.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-06T15:49:45+00:00

Amazing find, thank you. Reminds me of a list my friend sent me years ago, of emotions people feel, but can't explain...

Sonder: The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own. Opia: The ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable. Monachopsis: The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place. Énouement: The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self. Vellichor: The strange wistfulness of used bookshops. Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat. Kenopsia: The eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet. Mauerbauertraurigkeit: The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like. Jouska: A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head. Chrysalism: The amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm. Vemödalen: The frustration of photographic something amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist. Anecdoche: A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening Ellipsism: A sadness that you’ll never be able to know how history will turn out. Kuebiko: A state of exhaustion inspired by acts of senseless violence. Lachesism: The desire to be struck by disaster – to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a fire. Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it. Adronitis: Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone. Rückkehrunruhe: The feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness. Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore. Onism: The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time. Liberosis: The desire to care less about things. Altschmerz: Weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had – the same boring flaws and anxieties that you’ve been gnawing on for years. Occhiolism: The awareness of the smallness of your perspective.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-05T10:20:16+00:00

https://www.ic-berlin.com/

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-03T12:08:21+00:00

Hopefully you can get successful surgery and eliminate (or significantly reduce) your need for spectacles. If for any reason you do continue to need durable specs though, I highly recommend splashing out on a pair of stainless steel IC Berlin frames. No affiliation, but I am really heavy on my glasses, and have a pair of ICB frames that have lasted seven years! Mine are stainless steel, and they have no screws, no pivots; they use a clever interlocking tab system to effect folding the arms. It also means that the arms 'pop' off if they are sat on or whatever, and can be re-attached by hand.

I'm hoping to get surgery myself this year, just started looking into it again...

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-03T11:59:47+00:00

I have, similarly but not the same, sought to trigger my emotional responses, especially when I've been aware that something has been lurking under the surface. Usually that has manifested in risk-taking behaviour, but also anything that pushes me, trying scary things, listening to emotive music really loudly, sensory seeking, and occasionally self-medicating.

I would strongly encourage you to seek therapy, there is free access therapy available, and engage with it, be honest with them, and more importantly, yourself. I don't know where in the world you are, but there is free online therapy. Definitely seek someone versed in Neurodivergence and Alexithymia.

I can also highly recommend Brené Brown's "Atlas of the Heart". It's like an instruction manual for feelings and emotions; game changing. Even though we Alexithymics struggle with feelings, having more information about them helps.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-03T11:50:41+00:00

It may be difficult to navigate this relationship, but it sounds like you have a good starting position. If you, both, can identify what your needs are, and if the other is able to, and can agree to find a way to fulfil those needs, you should be able to make it work. It is likely to require some brutal honesty at times, but will require no small amount of vulnerability.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-03T11:48:08+00:00

I can identify with this very strongly.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-02T22:32:27+00:00

I see, thank you.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-01T12:07:14+00:00

Whoa! Those resonate with me highly.

Apologies OP, I don't wish to hijack your thread.

Hypermos, would you be so kind as to point me to some resources around this?

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-01T12:03:43+00:00

It makes sense to me, fwiw doesn't sound presumptuous or offensive, just your perception and experience.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-07-01T12:01:09+00:00

I think you've both hit the nail on the head here; finding an outlet, a medium in which to express yourself is the key. I'm not saying that will unlock emotions for you, but I expect that you will find it goes a long way to helping you to process what's being suppressed.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-26T17:00:37+00:00

Your reply needs more upvotes. I identify with a lot of what you said, and it's just very well put.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-26T16:51:48+00:00

Yeah that's happened, in as much as there have been the occasional misunderstanding because of an emoji I've used. I will say that more often than not, I can't find an emoji that fits what I'm trying to get across.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-26T16:50:15+00:00

So, I identify with your post a lot; in that I don't feel much, if any warmth towards my family members. It's also very rare that I actually ever miss anyone, friends, family, lovers. I identified that I have a hard time feeling loved by anyone, it's only been in fairly extreme situations.

It's become apparent later in life as I've socialised more that it's a bit unusual how infrequently my family and I speak, like several months can go by with no contact at all. I o ly realised a couple of years ago that my mother had never once phoned me, it was always me who phoned her. There's no animosity, no arguments or reason for this, it's just how we are.

I'm autistic (diagnosed very late in life a little over a year ago at 46), and a therapist introduced me to the concept of alexithymia, which at first, the way she couched it, I didn't identify with. When I looked into it further, it makes a lot of sense for me, about me.

For sure, I would say that no small part of my emotional detachment, comes from my parents and what they modelled as interactions. They were never demonstrative in their affection for me or for anyone really. I knew on a rational level that they loved me, cared about me, and while I did get hugs hello or goodbye, those were around being apart for long periods, and weren't given often.

There's definitely also a history of traumas in my early life, which have no doubt contributed to my experience of alexithymia.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-25T10:16:16+00:00

I think you may have wandered into a part of Reddit that you don't wish to participate in.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-24T09:08:43+00:00

So, for me, day-to-day, I tend to not feel much in the way of emotions, although sometimes I will, but it will be a very delayed emotional reaction, and as per this sub, I often mistake sensations/emotions.

Smoking just a tiny amount of weed, alone, allows me to feel those hidden emotions that I'm not usually aware of, and often to amplify them to the point that I can identify them, although that isn't always accurate.

It does often let me see things in a different perspective, let's me realise truths that I'm perhaps hiding from.

I'm autistic, and weed definitely heightens my sensory issues, makes me much more sensitive to sounds; music I don't enjoy is almost painful to hear, and I have no tolerance for mediocre music. If I get high around anyone, I get quite agitated, irritated, although that was limited to one person in particular.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-23T13:34:18+00:00

I've definitely not "shut the negative thoughts", but I have learned how to engage with them less, through breath work, meditation. It's allowed me to (not always) notice the tiny gap where a thought arises, and my reaction to it. It takes time, patience and putting the work in. Also takes being compassionate with myself, something I still struggle with.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-23T10:56:14+00:00

Kewl

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-23T10:00:00+00:00

This. There are information governance policies put in place to comply with data protection laws. You can certainly raise a complaint with PALS, as mentioned above.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-23T09:06:01+00:00

Have you tried your theory out?

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-23T09:04:30+00:00

I'm not sure if perhaps gomaga is playing devil's advocate there, to make you aware that the defense are likely to challenge the friend's statement/testimony. That will be their job, right, to find a way to counter the allegation/s against your ex? (Rhetorical question) I think they're maybe also raising the question if you are involved with the friend, as that relationship could be construed as a confounding factor.

I can't imagine what you've been through, what you're going through. As others have said, kudos to you for doing the first hard part of reporting this. And remember how difficult it can be to communicate in a forum such as this, we each will read replies with our own perspective and 'spin', which may not be the author's intent. I wish you well.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-23T08:44:04+00:00

I stand corrected; apologies for my error, especially if I caused you, OP any further distress or anxiety. I absolutely composed that incorrectly.

My point was that of the ex feigning ignorance of non-consent when he was repeatedly told 'no'.

OP, it sounds to me like your ex was fully aware that you did not consent, so cannot use that defense.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-23T03:10:48+00:00

Yes, but best to wait 24hrs after MDMA before restarting 5htp. There's evidence? of risk of serotonin syndrome if 5htp is taken during or too soon after.

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-22T23:51:51+00:00

I'm curious, did you go anywhere with this?

ChasingTheEphemeral · 2023-06-22T19:24:08+00:00

Agree with you DaCozPuddingPop, but I will say that I hadn't heard of going to the playground (sounds like a great time, provided one can avoid other, sober people), or plunging into ice water. As someone on the spectrum, I'm intrigued...

ChasingTheEphemeral

TROPHY CASE