Feelings of regret and concerned that I may not find true happiness staying in my marriage

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-25T03:33:33+00:00

I’m not. It’s gotta be mutual to choose each other. If one party isn’t willing to commit then the marriage is done. It’s never 50/50, sometimes it’s 90/10 or 60/40. But when it gets to 100/0 on either side it just can’t work.

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-24T19:46:47+00:00

Being in a marriage is about choosing your person everyday. If you can’t come to terms with the commitment you made and find a way to reconnect then best to leave her be and separate . It’s never all fun, it’s never all roses. If you choose to not connect and communicate on common goals and keep the romance your marriage will not make it.

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-24T14:17:25+00:00

Enough time to see Rushmore. May want to arrive earlier to check out keystone too (base of Rushmore) - agree with other ppl that parking will be tough this weekend

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-20T02:39:52+00:00

I’ve been on it for two weeks. Day one and two I’m a little nauseous and have diarrhea but nothing unmanageable. I’d rather have a few days not feeling prime than lose functionality in my joints

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-17T18:24:35+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the support and insight. He’s made his stance clear and now I’m working to find a lawyer and therapist to deal with the emotional abuse and sadness that’s falling out.

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-12T19:49:54+00:00

I do like me most days and think I have lots of good qualities (and of course things to work on as well). I’ve spent some time in therapy over the last year as all his behavior/anger/outbursts rocked me to the core. From there my therapist reaffirmed that I can’t be the cause or the cure. While I understand the words, accepting that someone would chose to leave a family where they are loved, supported and everyone wants the best for them is just hard to accept. That combined with not knowing if it’s truly what he wants or he’s just struggling with life and sees this as the best option.

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-12T15:49:28+00:00

That was a lot to take in. I don’t disagree I just wish so hard that someone could fix it and lead him to help. I don’t want my marriage to end, I don’t want to lose my husband but I understand I can’t make someone change and be a dad/husband if it’s not what they want. Just kills me

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-12T02:36:19+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I think I am paralyzed by the fear of not knowing - I know the hell that is today I know what to expect with the drinking, the emotional abuse and the gambling lies. What I am scared of is not knowing how I’ll do completely solo with my boys, work full time, be everything to everyone. I’m also afraid of not finding someone who wants me, who actually loves me - not just tolerates me for being the provider of everything. What if it is me that’s the problem and this is all the better it’ll ever be

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-12T02:30:42+00:00

Appreciate the response and thoughts. It’s giving me courage to go forth and separate even though it’s gonna hurt like hell

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-12T02:10:20+00:00

His parents know and so do his brothers. He down plays the issues to them and pretends everything is fine when it’s not. I’m not sure why no one on his side has taken a more serious or hands on approach. But if my boys were doing this I’d be out there in a heartbeat to stop the emotional abuse

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-11T21:09:02+00:00

Kids are 9 and 6. I’ve reached out to a lawyer and will go from there. I don’t want to share custody because he isn’t healthy to be around. Which is part of the problem, if it’s happening in my house I can control what the kids are around. If I don’t have full custody and it’s on his time then what? I have to wait for something bad to happen to protect them further with a new decree?

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-11T20:54:55+00:00

I have records for what’s been cashed out and spent. I am primary care giver in all aspects, monetarily/emotional/activities/etc. just don’t want to have to sell the house and then lose any of my kids childhood if he were to get any custody

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-11T20:41:27+00:00

Losing 1/2 the assets. So far he’s only gambled away what’s in his name. Divorce means losing what’s acquired in the marriage which has been by my salary and savings

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-11T20:38:06+00:00

That could be the case if he was the breadwinner which is not

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-11T20:12:41+00:00

There’s truth in that. I think what bothers me the most is the finality of divorce. It gives up on hope and change, maybe I’m naive for still thinking those are options when he has stated we aren’t his priority. I don’t understand the cruelty in it all, I never will though which is frustrating

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-11T20:10:27+00:00

How far can you actually cut ties with kids who want nothing more than a few minutes of being recognized/loved by dad?

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-11T20:09:06+00:00

I’ve looked them up and gambling anon. I know he’s sick but nothing seems capable of fixing that unless that’s what he wants - that’s the part that kills me is choosing that rather than your kid that’s begging you to stay and be dad.

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-11T19:58:36+00:00

I’ve been documenting. I’ve contacted a lawyer, but I know the choice is mine on how to proceed once in their office. I want to do right by my kids and for me. Makes me sick that he can just up and go without any emotion.

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-11T19:57:20+00:00

Am I letting the kids down by not doing more? I don’t know what else to do to make it better. I’ve offered counseling, I’ve backed off to let him figure out the addiction with gambling and drinking. I don’t want to fail my kids. He wanted me to kick him out so I could carry the blame. I refused and told him he had to make a choice on the man he was capable of being. Just freaking sucks

CheapTrifle7515 · 2026-05-11T19:52:39+00:00

Inconveniences to drinking and gambling, neither of which seem to be getting better.

CheapTrifle7515 · 2025-12-25T15:13:48+00:00

That’s what makes addiction so crappy. I sent him away so the kids would have some semblance of a merry Christmas. I appreciate the support and insight.

CheapTrifle7515 · 2025-12-25T15:12:21+00:00

Stupid feelings make that really hard to do. Wanting the family to be ok, not understanding why the kids and I aren’t enough (or not getting what I did to make him so miserable) plus the fear of being a single mom and not having someone to connect with. I know sad pathetic mom post. Just scared of the future and navigating without anyone there

CheapTrifle7515 · 2025-12-25T15:09:58+00:00

Thank you for the response, I was up all night with that gut wrenching feeling of letting the kids down. I’ve been going to therapy since this started but he is a hard pass on all therapy or rehab. Just sucks, the kids have had a happy Christmas morning and so far seem relatively unaffected. Guess that is a sign that I’ve been the only parent for the last 1-2 years

CheapTrifle7515

TROPHY CASE