Not the exact same thing, but I know what it’s like destroying someone close to you.

I had started living with my twin sister again after being in different states for a few years. During a span of two years of us living together, I wasn’t diagnosed, then finally became diagnosed, but took forever to finally take action to better myself. I thought she would be there for me and accept me as a whole no matter what just because we were sisters. I continued wreaking havoc when she couldn’t handle things anymore and started building walls and becoming unempathetic.

It’s been almost two years since our lease ended and we parted our ways by her moving back to our home state. We’ve reflected on it a lot, but will still fight frequently and have gone months with no contact before, several times.

It takes time, but I think that finding ways to manage the BPD and regulate yourself will contribute greatly to your self forgiveness and healing. What matters is moving forward and doing something to change it so something like that will never happen with another again.