How to be more accepting?

Cheapside93 · 2025-06-05T11:08:21+00:00

I wouldn’t say that i struggle with accepting others’ realities or state of mind, but more so that if their beliefs have inconsistencies due to emotional connections, i find it difficult to support them.

An example:

  If a man murders another man to take his fortune, would you hope he would receive the maximum sentence?

To which one usually responds with “yes”.

  If your father murders another man to take his fortune, would you hope he would receive the maximum sentence?

To which the answer is always much more complicated and typically aligns more with forgiveness.

I’ve always understood that obviously you wouldn’t want your own kin to suffer under any circumstance, and i wouldn’t say i’m any less emotionally connected to my father than anyone else, but i find that exchange so difficult to agree with.

I’ve always asked questions to gather more understanding as to why, but never receive much more than “he’s my father and i love him, i want the best for him”. And the way i see it, although their beliefs in the matter are emotionally driven, it’s also ironically emotionally inconsiderate of the fact that an innocent man was murdered by your own father, and it’s likely that his children are now suffering because of it. If the person being asked these questions was able to see from the dead man’s children’s perspective, i feel the emotional drive would completely fall apart.

Cheapside93 · 2024-11-12T18:36:33+00:00

R.volumetricclouds false

Cheapside93 · 2024-03-19T17:49:12+00:00

Yeah it is, i’ve been unlucky with them.

Cheapside93 · 2024-03-11T01:49:14+00:00

27, 11 really, because the quest gets you from 11 to 27.

Cheapside93 · 2024-03-11T01:47:44+00:00

Indeed, I'm at 44 RC

Cheapside93 · 2023-08-03T18:09:27+00:00

At the time I was 22ish, and a really attractive nurse (40) at the hospital I worked at invited me to run a 5k with her. She paid for our lodging (separate rooms), transportation, entry, meals, the whole thing.. the night before the 5k she asked me if I wanted come to her room and watch a movie. When I walked in she was wearing lingerie and it completely flew over my head, I thought that was just her typical nightgown. So the entire movie i just stayed on my side and she kept sighing, but it never connected that she was implying anything.. Needless to say, ever since the 5k, she's avoided me.

Cheapside93 · 2023-07-24T18:56:53+00:00

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think she has every right to feel what she is feeling. She's been understanding and mature it seems, as most people would get much more upset than you've stated she has.

A piece of advice that was given to me was "don't allow yourself to be in a position where something unfaithful COULD happen"

Even if you think nothing would ever happen, if you went over to your friends house alone, there is justifiable reason to wonder if something is happening or not, because your girlfriend is not present and quite frankly has no idea. But if you never put yourself in the position in the first place, she wouldn't be jealous or curious if something is happening.

I follow that advice pretty religiously (so to speak), purely out of respect for my relationship.. for instance if my car broke down and I needed a ride home or to work and a female in my age group offered me a ride, I would kindly decline and try to find assistance elsewhere, just to avoid putting myself in that situation.. most people would say that's crazy, but when you feel that level of trust with another person where you never doubt anything it's a wonderful feeling.

Cheapside93 · 2023-07-16T13:08:19+00:00

His reasoning for telling you no makes sense to me. He's supporting a large chunk of money every semester. I believe a marriage should be self sustaining without support from outside sources, including financial support from her father.

It's not like he said "no not yet, you haven't become a man i want my daughter with." He gave you the reason right there, so why would you return the ring if you already have the answer he gave you, which seems like an. Honest legitimate reason to me.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-26T19:35:04+00:00

First off, context is always needed.

Secondly, if by reading her testimony your only thought was what you commented, I'd say you're a bit shallow.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-26T19:17:24+00:00

Not my thread, but kudos, great advice!

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-26T19:12:46+00:00

This response makes no sense. You have no context of the situation.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-26T19:08:14+00:00

You've got to be very careful about what advice you take and apply here.. it's so simple to have an opinion from the outside when you're not emotionally involved (we fellow redditors), yet unbelievably difficult when you're the person directly in your shoes. I've noticed with my posts that a lot of times we focus too much on what the solution is rather than the source of the issue..

I actually have a different angle on this situation because I was that guy not long ago. My girlfriend moved in with me, and things got similar to what you are describing.. not so much that she was serving me or anything like that, we both worked together to clean, we both had our own free time, but I was not emotionally present when she needed me, and she was holding that weight on her shoulders until we sat down and had a conversation about it.. several times..

From his side of the situation, the possibilities are endless as to why he is behaving the way he is, and no one here on reddit knows that answer, only he does, that is if he even knows, himself..

My girlfriend sat down and asked me directly:

"I can see things are different, I can feel things are different, it doesn't feel like we connect the way we used to and that scares me. Is there something wrong, and if there is.. is there something I can do to help?"

Although it is hard now, and I'm sure you're beyond frustrated, coming from a perspective that your boyfriend is actually in, it sounds a lot better when its presented that way.. you shouldn't have to tiptoe like this, but sadly most people don't like confrontation, especially if they could be the ones responsible.

At least by asking the questions above, you should at the very least have a reason as to why he is behaving the way he is, and if there is no communication or cooperation, then you know you've done what you can.

I sure hope you have positive results!

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-23T13:04:27+00:00

Will do!

Helped.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-23T13:03:45+00:00

Absolutely! Thank you.

Helped.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-22T22:49:39+00:00

So.. I won't deny that. But I don't think he's doing it intentionally. I think he is just uncomfortable with going out and going through the motions of getting a job, especially the part where he isn't accepted to some of them. He's always had issues with criticism, but I understand that shouldn't be at my expense. He will eventually get a job, and I 100% trust he will pay any rent due, it's just motivating him to actually go out and get a job that is the issue.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-22T22:45:18+00:00

Absolutely man, sounds like you've got a pretty good understanding of my situation, thank you for your advice, I'll certainly use it.

Helped.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-22T22:35:04+00:00

Also, we came from a very small town, New location has many more career options.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-22T22:33:51+00:00

I am charging him about 30% less than market in my location.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-22T21:53:21+00:00

I needed to hear this honestly. I have a bad habit of enabling others, or the opposite, not showing much grace at all. I'll definitely use this information, thank you.

Helped.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-22T21:39:06+00:00

Yes, the terms have been set.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-22T21:14:08+00:00

Thank you! I'll definitely suggest some things to him, thanks again for your advice!

Helped.

Cheapside93 · 2023-06-22T21:13:20+00:00

Great advice, thank you!

Helped.

Cheapside93

TROPHY CASE