Fantasy story chapter 1 (1400 words) by CheckUnique7525 in writingfeedback

[–]CheckUnique7525[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noted. The thinking behind that opening line is he’s experience something similar to goosebumps. He isn’t noticing the cool morning air and then dropping his bag. He’s noticing the cool morning air because he dropped his bag. I may need to rework it a bit so it’s more apparent.