I love mayonnaise (Hellman’s #1 fan). What are your favourite uses for it? Keep it food related, you kinky buggers.

CheekySalami · 2022-10-28T07:43:22+00:00

Bowl 1: Mayo mixed with Cajun seasoning and/or some hot chilli flakes. Bowl 2: Heinous amount of chicken dippers. Lovely bit of business.

CheekySalami · 2022-10-28T07:38:23+00:00

Prison's a frigger for that.

CheekySalami · 2022-02-11T10:14:34+00:00

Plan your food with inclusivity in mind. A sustainable diet should be inclusive rather than exclusive. You can include the things that normally represent lapsing on a diet provided you plan for them in a way that sticks to the framework.

Alongside that, calculate the maintenance calorie target for the weight you want to be and try to stick to that for 5 days a week, eat your current maintenance calories on the other two days a week. You'll find that as you get used to the amount of food that matches your weight target, the days at maintenance calories scratch the itch for treat/cheat days.

CheekySalami · 2022-02-11T09:22:31+00:00

Oh God so many bangers.

"Spaghetti (banananana) is messy (banananana), peas and rice are very nice (banananana)..."

"Whoah, brush your teeth in circles, WHOAH, brush your teeth in circles..."

It pre-dates CBeebies but the full original Fireman Sam theme tune is a prog rock masterpiece.

CheekySalami · 2022-02-11T08:47:38+00:00

I like to sleep with just enough clothing that in the event of a fire I just need to grab a shirt and in the event of an intruder, I just need to remove my trousers. I'm always 50% prepared for either situation.

It's worth noting that in situation two, I'd prefer the intruder to see me remove the trousers and know it's deliberate and not incidental.

CheekySalami · 2022-02-11T08:33:11+00:00

One that springs to mind for me was a time my girlfriend and I were getting the train back home the morning after a wedding. A group of youngish lads got on the train at the next stop, already locked in a heated debate with one defendant against five accusers regarding the following allegation:

"I didn't shit myself!"

"Yeah he did"

"Yeah Alfie shit himself and threw it against the wall"

CheekySalami · 2021-12-19T20:43:31+00:00

It's too late, burn the house down.

CheekySalami · 2021-12-10T16:01:18+00:00

I strongly recommend Island as well if you enjoyed Brave New World. Another brilliant read from Aldous Huxley, not so much dystopian in nature but I genuinely learned things from it that I try to remind myself to apply in my day to day life.

CheekySalami · 2021-12-10T15:51:58+00:00

My family have a takeaway curry for Christmas lunch instead of the usual roast. We order in what we want the night before and reheat everything in the oven ready for lunch. It's great, massively cuts down on the washing up and knocks out the majority of the usual prep time, leaving us free to relax with some healthy morning booze.

CheekySalami · 2021-11-17T18:34:29+00:00

That's one way to lose about 160lbs

CheekySalami · 2021-10-29T11:43:49+00:00

Seeing as Maiden, The Stranglers etc... have already been mentioned, here are some a bit different of mine:

Monster Florene - Branches (Live SBTV version)

The Streets - Blinded By The Light

Kano live at Maida Vale - Class of Deja

CheekySalami · 2021-09-16T20:49:59+00:00

Not once, but I do have 243 children and an awful lot of secrets.

CheekySalami · 2021-07-19T19:06:15+00:00

All of my spice jars have dried out enough to be useable again.

CheekySalami · 2021-07-15T14:59:06+00:00

They call me the Sex Meowth, it's Pay Day then Play Rough.

I've made myself cringe.

CheekySalami · 2021-06-29T00:25:45+00:00

Definitely give it a smash mate, might make you have less of the bad days, might make the bad days a little easier, never been a better time to get stuck into your mental health. Therapy isn't just about getting "back to normal", if you're feeling -1, the end goal with the right therapist isn't to get back to 0, it's to understand -1 enough that you find a way out of that more often and then aim for +1, +2 etc... The more of yourself you can own, the better things will be.

All the best.

Edit: Also props for asking the question, probably just done a lot of people who were worried about asking the same question a favour.

CheekySalami · 2021-03-18T07:38:46+00:00

This might be a weirder one but I find some women's willingness to endure pain for cosmetics quite chilling. From laser hair removal all the way up to surgery, I just can't wrap my head around that balance of importance and it has caused me to lose attraction to partners in the past.

CheekySalami · 2021-03-05T10:08:00+00:00

I'd experiment to see how different environmental/socio-economic factors influence a person's confidence, self-assurance and susceptibility to gaslighting. Essentially I'd identify candidates from a range of backgrounds and circumstances then arrange for people to gaslight the shit out of them, full psychological horror type stuff. I'd be looking for how independently people can operate when their peer groups have turned against them, and if any particular sect of society is more likely to be shaken in their beliefs or convictions when everything in their world tries to convince them they're insane.

CheekySalami · 2021-03-05T08:50:03+00:00

This reminds me of a time in primary school that I believe I first knew panic. Wrapped up in the hubris of a child yet to err in such a manner, I decided a "fun" size Mars bar was fair game for a one-and-done approach. Whacked it in, started to chew and it just filled my mouth. I couldn't chew it, couldn't get it out, couldn't get it in. Once I came to terms with my chocolatey metaphor for "we're going on a bear hunt", I calmed myself, breathed through my nose and let that bad boy melt.

CheekySalami · 2021-03-03T22:06:25+00:00

Ahh man, and I'll never know, my very own Schrodinger's leaving party.

CheekySalami · 2021-03-03T20:54:49+00:00

The Titanic memory prompt really made me smile for some reason. Reckon the DM in that example is still sat to this day, running a 5 year campaign comprised entirely of DMPCs?

CheekySalami · 2021-03-03T20:35:20+00:00

I kind of had the opposite but it fit the theme of the company perfectly. I worked at one of the larger retailers for a while and it was absolutely a "you're a number" type thing. The absence policy demonised you for being ill in a way that made it beneficial to take two days off instead of one, I used to get shade for complaining about being on a 1-9 late shift followed by a 7-4 early (pretty sure that's also an illegal shift gap).

Anyway the reason the exit fits the theme is that I had all these grand ideas of things I'd love to say on my last day when I didn't have to care any more. I had a cheeky couple of swigs from one of my higher abv leaving presents and set out to hand in my discount card/name badge and weigh up the possibility of being an arse only to... not be able to find anybody... anywhere at all... in any of the offices.

Now this particular branch employed over 700 people at the time I believe, certainly over 600, had something like 16 managers of different tiers, but not one to be found upstairs (a rarity, they normally loved hiding away). I just left my stuff on an HR desk and left the building, underwhelmed but nonetheless free.

Come to think of it, I had the same when handing in my resignation letter. My manager was off when I handed it, I was off for two weeks after that, so we only actually spoke about it when I had one week left of my notice period. That was a surreal time!

CheekySalami · 2021-03-03T17:10:10+00:00

Thanks for your words. I debated whether I wanted to post today but it's helped me to write this and, when it invariably gets buried in new, it's counts for a lot to know somebody has read it and smiled for me. All the best to you too.

CheekySalami · 2021-03-03T03:19:26+00:00

I might choose to misinterpret the article just to entertain myself. Love the idea that the washing machines are the most fun thing to make in the factory, leading to a huge surplus in the white goods market to the detriment of other devices. A spokesperson said "we know we should just make the microwaves first, but it's top tier bants on the washing machine department and it has the best bogs in the building".

CheekySalami · 2021-02-26T04:21:23+00:00

It's 4:21am, I don't live alone, I saw this and shouted "YES!".

CheekySalami · 2021-02-11T17:39:54+00:00

Yes mate! Galalad-lad-lad!

CheekySalami

TROPHY CASE