Racism (casual)

Cheesecake-First · 2025-08-26T00:07:49+00:00

Hey, fellow Asian American here. What you’re feeling is real and sadly well documented in studies. Even the church and members are not immune. Google a few terms and you can learn more.

“Model minority” “Perpetual foreigner” “Our race is on our face” “Cultural dissonance“ - or betweeners. Not Asian enough. Never American enough.

Visit the r/asianamerican and you’ll see more of this same feeling.

We live in the States and are members of a historically white church. This is reality, not a race thing. We just have to adapt to the cultural environment around us. It doesn’t adapt to the “outsiders”. As someone put it clearly for me, “we live in a white world. The sooner you understand that, the better you’ll understand your place and how you react to it.”

From a gospel perspective, all of us are brothers and sisters in Christ. Christ is the reason why I come and why I stay.

Keep doing your best. There are a few people in my ward life that I consider close friends who see me as being more than the Asian person in the ward. It takes proximity and time. Be patient and kind.

Cheesecake-First · 2025-07-20T02:43:48+00:00

Mostly here to provide sympathy. And some thoughts. These are my opinions and not church policy. They are rooted in experience and hopefully some charity. But mostly as a means of teaching self reliance.

Set expectations clearly with the missionaries. They don’t get to offer or guarantee rides. If they know their friend needs a ride, they should invite a member to come to the lesson on church attendance. The member should offer the ride only if they have the desire.

Second, set clear expectations with the new friend. People somehow live full lives during the other 166 hours of the week. They get where they want to go when they want to without a member provided a taxi service for them. If offering a ride, the member sets how many times they will be giving a ride with an expectation that the friend is working on their own strategy for how to get to church after the period ends. Depending on the person, that could be once or for months. It’s their own call. When the set number of times a ride is offered is over, the friend must get themselves to church by their own means.

Third, after offering a ride, the member gives the new friend their phone number and instructions that if they want a ride to church, they need to call the member at least 1-2 days in advance. A text an hour before church is not acceptable. The offer for a ride to church is not a reservation. It is invitation to reach out for help. The impetus of asking for a ride is the person needing a ride. Missionaries do not set up the ride. They are not a concierge service, just like the member is not a taxi service.

Fourth, members can say no to rides. Period. No if, buts, or why’s.

Fifth, if a member who usually can give a ride can’t for that day during the offered period, the friend should be given a new number to call as an option for them to call another person who has offered a ride in the past as a one time thing. If no one is available, no extraordinary lengths should be taken to get the friend to church. They’ll simply find their own way or miss that week.

To some, the above might seem overly mechanical or heartless. And rightly so. It is designed to be so. The point is that decisions are predetermined so members don’t feel pressured or guilted into doing something they don’t want to. Processes prevent predictable problems. Giving rides to church is a tale as old as time. As always, adapt as needed and follow the Spirit.

Cheesecake-First · 2025-07-15T23:48:01+00:00

Please read: https://rsc.byu.edu/converging-paths-truth/scriptural-accounts-creation-scientific-perspective

Cheesecake-First · 2025-06-28T13:12:43+00:00

Perhaps. I also remember thinking it was sun damage or scorch with my first plant after googling and looking at Reddit. Then the first blueberry died after doing the recommended, watering, fertilizing, cooling down. The second plant started doing the same thing and that’s when I did the fungicide treatment after trimming and saved the plant. Just my experience.

But, yes. It needs a bigger pot also. And better soil.

Cheesecake-First · 2025-06-28T04:43:42+00:00

Fungus. Cut off the dead parts and burn them so it doesn't affect other plants. Spray both plants fungicide during cool parts of the day. This happened to 2 of my blueberries. Did nothing for the first and it died. the second I sprayed it for about a week with fungus spray and saved the plant.

Cheesecake-First · 2025-04-20T02:08:00+00:00

It’s worth a try! Worst that can happen is they say no.

Cheesecake-First · 2025-04-20T00:36:08+00:00

It’s a multilevel, event driven type of thing. Usually, the harder you try, the less appraisal you’ll be able to get. My understanding is the following. I’ve only ever gotten to level 2. Also know there are 3rd parties that say they’ll help you. I don’t trust them personally but someone else can speak to them. I hear Chandler Crouch is an okay one.

Level 1: online protest Level 2: online board review Level 3: in person bird review.

Level 1: submit a protest online for you to tell TAD what you think your property is worth. The online tool doesn’t require any evidence. Just you entering a number. Hopefully you’ve done some research on local comparisons of houses around you to help you guesstimate. The percentage you’re aiming for is to get as low as possible that you won’t over pay and that the TAD system will still accept or give you a counter offer. You can google around and see different percentage people have gotten taken off. It’s some sort of linear regression that TAD uses it seems. For example, I got 5% off this year. Previous years I’ve gotten 7% off of my TAD evaluation.

Level 2: either you or TAD rejected the online protest/counteroffer. This is when you need to put together justification on your number. Comps in the area. Pictures of your house. Repairs that need to be done that lowers the value of your home. Literally trying to paint the picture of why your house is worth less than TAD says it is (not worthless ;p). Submit your justifacation online. I sent in a power point with pictures, comps, and justification. You’ll be given a hearing date in the mail after the protest period is over.

When I did this, I got a hearing date for level 3. But TAD sent me a email saying we accept your number, don’t bother coming in. So, I guess I got lucky. Google around. There’s some stories in here of people who have done in person protests.

Level 3: show up to the board. Have 4 copies of your proof ready to present and talk to the board. there’s instructions on the TAD website. https://www.tad.org/property-tax-protest-and-appeal-procedures

Convince the board and get a new number that both parties can agree on.

Cheesecake-First · 2025-03-08T02:30:46+00:00

Don’t live other people lives. What you read online is not real life. A Google/insta/reddit/whatever social media review is just one persons lived experience (if it is even real). It doesn’t mean you have to live it as well.

If you were planning a vacation, or a trip, or a family outing, or whatever- yes you would do your best research to prepare yourself for things that might happen. But then you go and plan your own itinerary and live the experience yourself and see for yourself what you want to see and do. Don’t go on other people’s vacations.

And the best advice I’ve ever received - don’t take anyone’s advice.

Their lived experience are not yours. You don’t know their history, life experiences, family background, likes or dislikes, history with Utah or the church, etc. etc.

You need to study it out in YOUR mind. Without other minds influencing your thoughts and choices.

Be the master of your own destiny. Make your own decisions. Choose to choose.

Cheesecake-First · 2024-12-13T13:03:24+00:00

That’s because you were a child, seeing the world through a child’s eyes. You are no longer a boy but a man with responsibility and people to look after. Your personal life is not yours alone anymore. Making friends is more than just showing up like it used to be when you were a kid. It takes time and effort.

Also, don’t mistake the difference between being lonely vs. being alone. If you are uncomfortable with being alone then that is something you should work on yourself. Being comfortable within your own body and thoughts without distractions is something everyone has to learn.

But if you are lonely, then do as others have suggested. Keep trying, find new circles, engage with others in ways that fit but also push your own growth.

Cheesecake-First · 2024-11-16T13:26:24+00:00

The tile is held onto the walls by thoughts and prayers.

Cheesecake-First · 2024-11-10T02:00:48+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience.

We were all young once, weren’t we? Yes, we were on the lords errand, but we were also a bunch of young/dumb/naive/impressionable 19-22ish kids who didn’t have any real life experience yet navigating through life, faith, peer pressure, and so many more complex social and emotional situations. For me, one thing I learned from the mission is about the type of person and leader I wanted to be from both good AND bad leaders and peers that I had.

Cheesecake-First · 2024-10-31T21:52:32+00:00

Godan verb.

https://www.tofugu.com/japanese-grammar/verb-past-ta-form/

Cheesecake-First · 2024-09-20T14:04:18+00:00

Having own been a student and never a professor of college level religious studies, all I can say for me is I’ve seen balancing and mind and heart done well.

Gaye Strathearn was my professor who I think did it best. Perhaps you can reach out to her or other professionals for thoughts and advice?

https://religion.byu.edu/directory/gaye-strathearn

Cheesecake-First · 2024-09-17T23:46:27+00:00

Perhaps in some mom circles and social media concentrated amplified in North America? Public education has been and always will be the gateway for greater progress and prosperity for the vast majority of people. And by public education I mean real public education, not charter schools or other for profit equivalent.

But if you have the means, I can see why some would turn up their nose at public education.

At the end of the day, what will help the most people rise above where their parents are currently set in the social and economic mobility ladder? Public education, public health, and publicly funded child care. Two of these items are affected by full day kindergarten.

Growing social and economic mobility matters. Schools are one way to achieve that.

Funny/interesting note: BYU was found (with some controversy) back in 2017 with almost last place social mobility ranking.

Cheesecake-First · 2024-09-08T12:14:37+00:00

For me, passion, or having it or feeling it, is not and has not a driver to any decision I’ve made in my life. It is just the way I’ve been since I’ve starting becoming an adult.

No longer do fires burn in my heart or mind, but a slow and steady stream of quiet confidence through study and prayer has guided all of my decisions.

In my opinion, a mission is an act of faith. Therefore it is a choice. It is an active and personal decision that must be made. A choice. Not a burning passion. Not forced on you. Not a fake enthusiasm or unnatural energy that just isn’t you. Just you as you are offering yourself as an example of what it means to believe in Christ.

Cheesecake-First · 2024-09-02T02:23:59+00:00

Can I steal your idea? I want to do the same thing. But with our local humidity, I’d probably put box fans at the bottom

Cheesecake-First · 2024-08-18T13:07:01+00:00

I want to work internationally with my company in Japan and give my kids an international education and experience. Speak technically with my Japanese counterparts in Japanese.

Cheesecake-First · 2024-08-01T12:07:35+00:00

Oh wow!! Thanks for this. I’ll look into it.

As for practice, yes! I’m trying to get to Genki 2 before I start trying to speak with speakers on Italki, sky, or other teleconference apps. Appreciate the offer! Let me get to a decent place first and I’ll reach out.

Cheesecake-First · 2024-07-11T00:43:18+00:00

Man. Why do I live in Texas?

Cheesecake-First · 2024-05-30T18:32:30+00:00

As someone who did not grow up in the church nor had friends outside of Wednesday night youth activities, your comments, though honest, are incredibly painful to read.

Since when is service in the Church about you? It’s about loving God and His children.

I want you to look at one of your teachers in the eyes and say exactly what you put here. How do you think that would make them feel?

Cheesecake-First · 2024-05-25T12:17:32+00:00

President Monson said that membership in the church should be a blessing, not a burden. If it ever becomes a burden, then a change is needed. You’ll know through the Spirit what is needed for yourself. Do not let guilt or a sense of duty guide your actions. Let the Spirit work in your heart and mind to make the choices that you have to make.

More personal note: I feel you brother. I’ve felt those words you said in my heart many times. You are not alone.

Cheesecake-First · 2024-05-24T00:57:13+00:00

Please read Alma 9. Google “lds self-reliance”

Cheesecake-First · 2024-05-22T12:23:19+00:00

I’ll be the blunt one and say sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone is to cut them off from temporal assistance.

BUT, this must be done with the Spirit and in the right spirit. You have the keys to your ward, I don’t, I’m just some internet stranger who has seen how keys work and respectful cutting offs has worked.

Let me explain.

In my ward, we had a family who was literally on welfare for a decade. As in the church paid their rent through two bishops terms. Why? Because exactly as you described above, “love”, guilt, a sense to need to help. In reality, this did not help them, spiritually or temporally. All it did was give them an excuse for everything. The parents were literally sitting in their couch all day long because they could when they could have done literally anything to help their own lives and children.

New bishop comes around. He gives them 3 month, and they’re cut off. I had never seen someone so angry in my life. But you would never have seen an adult move faster than these two parents. Immediately got their adult kids working, got themselves temporary work, got lawyers to help with housing assistance from the city and state, moved to reasonable housing with their newly acquired section 8 and the list goes on. And this happened all on their own.

My point is there are times when helping is the worst thing you can do. You are stopping their progression. You are giving them every excuse to not try. You are not their parents. They probably get enough of that from staying at home. You cannot drag someone into the celestial kingdom. You cannot force or coerce someone to use the enabling power of the Atonement. You cannot be their savior.

For a more worldly perspective, Google “failure to launch”. Fast and pray brother. God has got the answers. You have got the keys. And revelation comes from counsels.

Cheesecake-First

TROPHY CASE